When you adopt a child does it feel the same as having a biological child?

Question

I have a biological daughter that I love more then anything in the world. I can't imagine ever loving anything or anyone more except another child. If I were to adopt a child is it the same feeling of love or does it feel more like how you love another family member or close friend? I'm looking for serious answers from personal experience of having both biological and adopted children. Thanks!

Answer 1

I didn't have a bio child. I adopted. I truly can't imagine loving anyone anymore or anything more than I love him. I honestly don't think it's possible. I stayed in his room for the first week, not sleeping, but watching and making sure he was there. Watching him sleep. Watching him breathe. Just watching. Checking that he was really in that crib.

I spent the next two months sleeping in a bed next to his crib. Getting up through the night to make sure he was still breathing, that he was okay, and that I got to him immediately every time he cried.

I spent every day celebrating each and every moment. I've cried over silly things. Like putting away clothes he's outgrown. Because it meant he was growing up. The same thing goes for every new step in his life. I celebrate the moments, and mourn them as well because he's growing. I have become this new person that can sing silly songs out of thin air, I can dance and make goofy faces and voices anywhere and everywhere without a thought. Even in public. Something I'm sure he'll one day kill me for.

Nothing is better than a kiss or a hug. I see activities that I can't wait for us to do together, or things I can't wait to show him one day. At the same time, I hope he always looks at me the same way he does today. I hope he always reaches for my hand. I love the way his little hand feels in mine. Even his temper tantrums are adorable. He has my heart. I'd do anything for my child. I never knew that I was this person, or a mother, until him. I can't explain what it is to have him in my life, but I am blessed by him 84,000 times over again. I wouldn't be me, or the same person without him in my life. He's the most amazing little person in the world. I'm so lucky that they chose me!!

I just can't begin to tell you how much love I feel for this little guy. So I can't imagine that there is a difference. Our family was made a little different than a bio family, but the love is the same.

I hope I was able to explain and express it enough to give you a big enough glimpse that we feel it's the same.

Answer 2

My AM always says she would love me as much as any bio-child, and to be honest with her, I believe it. But she is naturally maternal. I think it depends on the mindset of the person to be honest. Hormones during labour help you bond with your child, but epidurals and/or c-sections actually prevent these hormones from taking effect, and those moms usually bond with their children just as well as moms who have natural births. So I think it is possible. I also don't think it is always the case. I know some families who treat their kids identically and you would never know some are adopted and some aren't (although in one family I know the adopted children are black and the rest are blonde and blue eyed lol, so you know which are the adopted kids and which aren't). I have also know other families where it seems like they just adopted the child to have a little slave or something. That is really judgemental of me to say, but it seriously comes across that way. So like I said, it really depends on the mindset. If the mom is prepared to try to bond despite the child being colicky/grouchy/sick/disabled/nothing like them/has mental health issues/rebels etc I think they can do it. But those Mom's who a) never grieve over their infertility or b) expect their child to be an average kid may be disappointed. After all, whether you have a child biologically or adopt them, they could end up with a multitide of problems, and some moms don't think about this beforehand.

Answer 3

When my husband and I were trying to have children, we saw a fertility specialist, who, because of what the problem was, couldn't really offer any medical help for us. After talking over all the options with her, she seemed to hesitate for a moment and then said, "If you're worried that you will feel differently about an adopted child than a biological one, I can tell you that my husband and I had a daughter and after that, I couldn't have any more biological children so we adopted our son. They are completely brother and sister and I don't feel any differently about our son from our daughter. They are both my children and I love them both completely." I thanked her, because this was information I really wanted to hear.
We adopted a 14 month old girl early in 2004, and shortly after that I became pregnant. Nine months to the day from which we signed the adoption paperwork, I gave birth to our second daughter. Just as the doctor predicted, the two girls are completely sisters to one another and we adore them both equally. I also have had the experience of loving close friends and the children of my close friends, and this is way bigger than that will ever be. It truly is as if she were my flesh and blood, and my husband feels the same way.

Answer 4

This is such a valid question, don't let anyone tell you any different. I am a mom of two adopted sons and I wondered the same thing before my oldest was born. I was in the O.R. when his birthmom delivered him, he was placed in my arms first and he has been mine ever since. I immediately felt a bond to him. From that instant it never crossed my mind that I wouldn't love him like a bio. child. He is MY son, God chose him for me, he just came to me in a different vehicle.When we found out about our second son I was concerned that there was no way I could love another child as much as I love my oldest son......HA.....what a joke! The moment I held him I was overcome by emotion and it was like having your first child all over again. I KNOW that it wouldn't be possible for me to love another child MORE than I love these two boys, even if it came from my own womb. In fact, when you bond with an adopted newborn you don't have to worry about the discomfort, pain and healing that you would have if you had delivered the child (this is what I've been told, i have never given birth myself) it's all about this new little life that God has placed in your care.
Good luck and I hope this helps!!! Adoption is a blessing!!!

Answer 5

Raven Scout said it PERFECT I feel the same exact way and just to let you know I have an adopted son and a bio daughter and I love them both the SAME. They are both my life and I could not imagine my life without either one of them. And I would give my life for both of my children for they are BOTH MY KIDS and that will never change. Also my kids love each other sooo much and act just the same to each other then bio kids. My all time favorite thing is when they hug each other and say your are the best sissy in the world. Mine are 5 and 2-1/2. Hope this helps

Answer 6

I cannot speak about the bio child side of things, however, your question reminded me very much of my own thoughts & feelings when we were considering adoption. I worried that I would not be able to love an adoptive child as my own. However, once I laid eyes on my son - there was no doubt in my mind. I would lay down my life for my son if necessary. There is no doubt in my mind that I love this child just as much as if I had given birth to him. I don't even consider the fact that he was adopted other than when I am talking to others about adoption or during his medical visits (as he has a medical disorder that was inherited). My son is my son - simple as that. :)

Hope that helps a bit.

Answer 7

I certainly would love an adopted child as much as a biological child, but that is not the case for many. Here's a harsh reality when unconditional love is expected.

There's been several studies done comparing prisoners adopted as children (under 3) vs. prisoners who were not adopted. One study compared family visits. Over a 2 year period, 50% of non-adopted prisoners were visited by family at least once. During that same period only 4% of adopted prisoners received visits from family. Didn't seem to matter what they compared: crime, length of imprisonment, locations of family compared to prison location. Adopted families just seem to wash their hands of the adoptee.

So, in answer to your question, I think you really need to look at yourself and your husband and come to a decision. I was rather shocked when I read this information originally and really just don't understand how cold someone could be to not visit their child in prison no matter what their crime. Even Jeffrey Dahmer's family visited him and his crimes were incredibly heinous.

Answer 8

My husband and I had 3 bio children-2 boys and 1 girl. We wanted another child and decided that our 4th should join our family thru adoption. I feel exactly the same about my adopted daughter as I do about my 3 bio children. We love her without reservation. She IS our little girl.

Answer 9

Well, I don't have children yet but I was adopted almost 33 years ago when I was 9 days old.

My parents adore me - honestly, if I never told people, no one would ever suspect I wasn't their bio child. We've have a totally natural, un-forced relationship from day one.

I've asked them if it was weird when they first picked me up from the agency, and they said absolutely not. The second the social worker placed me in their arms, I was theirs 100% - heart and soul.

I never once felt like I was treated like an "adopted" child. None of my friends growing up were adopted, and my relationship with my parents was no different from the relationship they had with their parents. Actually, I always kinda felt that me and my parents had a tighter bond!

Answer 10

well, I can only tell you that I'm adopted and my nephews are adopted. I was there for the birth of my niece and my sister sat and joked with me that she sure was glad she did it the easy way the first 3 times she had kids! I don't think it makes a bit of difference. I love each of my nephews as much as my niece. My sister doesn't seem to distinguish how the kids got there, just that she is the person who has to break up "Mom, he's touching me!" for the 18th time that day. Love never divides....just multiplies, a friend told me once. In a house of adoptees and one that was a total surprise, I've seen that is really true.