coworker stealing my wedding!!!?

Question

i am getting married next yr. i have been planning my wedding for a long time(since i was about 6 yrs old!) and i now have the oppurtunity to have my dream. i am a private person and like to keep my personal life personal. however when i showed up at work w/ a ring it caught everyones attention. (and its a spectacular ring my hubby to b did an amazing job w/ it!!!) a few wks after finding out my fiance was a computer programmer a coworker (whom i really never associated with) made it a point to say he was going to school for programming (after contradicting himself many times i called him on it and he called me a liar saying he had never said that! next he went and got his gf identical rings to mine!!! and has even made his wedding date the same as mine! I cant even talk to my friends at work about my wedding bc if it gets back to him or he overhears it he takes it for his own. this is really upsetting me. this is suppose to b my dream and i feel like hes stealing it!! what can i do?!

im not trying to seem greedy but i have put so much into my wedding it just makes me extremely angry that he wants to take my ideas! even more so doesnt his bride deserve to have her own wedding and not mine?!!

the worste part is i feel almost violated. the date is very special to my fiance and i. it is his parents anniversary. his father died when he was 9 and when we were deciding a date he asked for this date to honor his father which i loved and i dont want to take that away from him. but it hurts to c the date made a joke of buy his 'copying'. if it were just a coincidence id b ok w/ it but when hes choosing everything we have i cant accept that we just by chance r having the wedding the same day!

Answer 1

I had a co-worker steal my date too! However, everyone knew the logic behind my date and knew she was full of crap and just coping me. Then same will be true with your coworkers.
Continue to not talk about the wedding at work saying you want people to be surprise. Then feel sorry for this guys fiance. She thinks she's found the man of her dreams, when in reality, he's trying to keep up with people he works with.
Don't let someone who will have very little to do with your life take away your happiness. He can only do it if you let him.

Answer 2

This is why you NEVER talk about your personal life at work. I know you already tried and that what are you supposed to do when people see your ring-- lie? Of course not! But always keep details to a minimum.

I think this guy has issues. Never in MY LIFE have I ever heard of a guy taking ideas away from a woman's wedding-- I always hear that it's another female! To be honest, this guy is probably lying and making up crap. He must somehow think that he needs to be in competition with your fiance and is now going severely out of his way to try to make your life miserable.

1. Don't talk about wedding details after work. If your friends ask, tell them you all can go out for dinner and talk, or that you'll give them a call later. You can't undo the damage that has been done, but you can prevent it from getting worse.

2. Confront this coworker. Say "you know, I've heard that you've been making wedding plans when you never mentioned your gf in the past. I really hope this isn't a joke, because I'll feel sorry for your gf."

3. Leave it at that. The can of worms has already been opened and all you can do keep the lid closed while it's still attached. This coworker obviously has issues and is doing all of these things to get a rise out of you.

What I am wondering is, where did this person come from? Was this someone who you worked with in the past and somehow may have a grudge against you? Was this guy a person who feel that you took something away from him, such as a promotion or an office? Maybe you really upset him when you called him on lying for going into computer programming? Whatever it is, he is doing these things for a reason.

So far it seems like he tried to spite you by getting a ring and setting his date just as yours. Don't reveal more details to anyone. He isn't going to steal your wedding because quite honestly, the bride is the one who makes most of the decisions regarding details. He can go to his gf/fiance and say what he wants, but that doesn't change a thing.

Don't let this upset you any further. Yes I know, this is supposed to be a big deal but the more he sees that you get upset, the more satisfaction he feels. In fact, I would drop hints to let him know you know what he's up to and he is an idiot. For instance, if a friend asks you why you won't disclose anything say (when he is within earshot) "Well you know how some people feel that they need to be catty" or "I'd rather not give some people the satisfaction of being a male wedding planner."

Answer 3

When I read this, my first response was to say that you should be flattered that he wants what you are putting together. On second thought though, it made me think that I sound just like my mother when I was little and complained about people copying me and I hated that response.

It sounds like he has a serious case of jealousy and wants everything that you have. The scarier thoguht would be that he may actually want you, and is therefore recreating your wedding with another woman because it is the closest he can get. I'm hoping for your sake that it's just jealousy.

The truth is that nothing he does can take away from your special day unless he literally takes away the vendors that you plan to use or the guests that you plan to invite. Don't share information on the companies that you are considering using & don't mention your guests. Since it bothers you so much, the less info that you share, the better.

I know that it's hard, especially for someone who has been planning this day since she was six, but you have to let it go. The only way that he can ruin this day for you is by you allowing him to get to you. If you don't let it get to you, the day will be as special as you have planned it to be, even if he is holding the identical wedding on the same day, elsewhere.

Answer 4

Don't tell him anymore information about your wedding! If you feel you don't want someone stealing your ideas it is best you don't share those ideas with other people. Have you actually seen the ring in person or did he just tell you this?

Why would he do this? I am guessing here.......
1. Your ideas are so good that he could not resist stealing some of them to get bonus points with his girl!! He knows how much you love your ring and figured she would love it too. As for the date it could be a coincidence. What ideas did he actually take from you besides the ring and the date? Is it possible the women in the office are giving him your 'wedding' suggestions?
2. He is a total jerk that is having fun annoying you since he knows it is upsetting you... (he is not really engaged, or is engaged but lying about his wedding plans)
3. He is a weirdo stalker and is angry he can't be with you
4. He thinks you are a cool person with some great ideas! He does not understand women's thoughts about 'copying' wedding stuff and thinks there is nothing wrong with it. He is a bit ignorant about weddings how much it means to a girl.

You will have different guests except for a few co-workers, a different location for reception - church ( I HOPE!), a unique cake, florist, a different DJ, Photographer, and Best Man to give a unique speech. He can't have everything identical since his wedding will be held on the same day.???

Answer 5

If you are talking about your plans for the wedding at work you should stop.

Keep your date and love your ring, what a copycat he is!

You could call his bluff. Mention you've changed the date. Talk about how you plan on having the wedding at a very expensive place (but don't plan it there). Etc. Then closer to your wedding day (i.e. the day or two before) mention how you are being married in X amount of days.

That'll throw him.

Answer 6

it seems to me you have something he wants or maybe you're the something he wants. if you think he's doing this to get your attention, try to talk to him (with a very clear head and in a public place) could he be doing it to spite you? think about how you have treated him in the past. have you been civil, respectable towards him, have you snubbed him? something to also take into account is that you may be inviting the same people (co-workers) and that would in turn put them in an awkward position.
try approaching the situation with that point and see where it takes you.
the first thing to do is refrain from talking too much to too many people at work and leave out a lot of details when you do or change some details you've already put out there.

Answer 7

How do you know he's not just messing with you? And who cares? Do you have the same friends & family????? If he's not in you inner circle, do you REALLY think it will turn out the same?

This just reminds me of grade school.... where one kid say, "She's copying me!" and gets all bent out of shape.

Just go about your business and if someone wants to "copy" you, take it as flattery.

And don't put too much into one day. I was just married less than two weeks ago and it went by so fast. The effort barely seems like it was worth it. The ceremony was the best part and the part I enjoyed the most.

Answer 8

You know at one point in our life everyone will work with someone who is a total jackass.

I would continue to do what you are doing. Go to work do your job, and don't mention your wedding.

Although it would be fun to say something completley off the wall and see if he falls for the bait.

Like you can casually mention you are going to have firworks at your reception, or your centerpieces are going to cost $1500 becuase you are using real swarovski crystals and flowers imported from the Phillipines (or someplace).

Se what he does. Then when he mentions it say that he is a liar and you never said anything about fireworks!

Try not to let it stress you out, he obviously has some issues and gets off on making other people feel bad. Don't give him the satisfaction, act happy for him and like it doesn't bother you.

AND don't invite him to your wedding!!!

Good luck!

Answer 9

Do not stoop to his level and lie about anything-I think it´s a form of flattery, and he must admire the decisions you make and therefore, he copies what you do.

I would distance myself from this co-worker, and not worry about talking about your wedding with friends at work-you should be able to talk with whomever you choose. This has been your dream, and it´s hard not to tell others about dreams you have and cherish.

I think it´s really nice you chose this date to honor your father-I´m sorry for your lose. Parents are the best!

Answer 10

I know this date is special to you, but you cannot stop other people also marrying on that date, it is a bit weird that he is copying you, so just stop talking about it at work, and ask your work mates not to talk about details at work. Perhaps he just likes your ideas, and it saves him the effort of making his own plans. Just keep a distance from him, do not get involved in conversations with him about anything other than work related matters.