Do you think living together for one year before getting married is smart?

Question

Do you think dating for one year then living together for one year is smart before getting married? Also, when living together is it more respectful when you both are already engaged? What are your thoughts? Thank you~

Answer 1

absolutely it's a great idea!

there's no shame in living together before you're married!

why wait until you are legally bound to really make sure if you are good for each other or not!? you really do learn a lot about a person by living with them...

just a thought!

Answer 2

I am living with my Fiance. We have been dating almost 3 years and we are getting married in 2 1/2 weeks. I am glad we lived together before we get married. You really get to know someone. We dated for about a years and a half and then moved in together and then got engaged
There are so many different opinions on this subject. At first I did not like the idea of it, it truly kind of spoils the fun of getting married and then moving in. Also, it is an easy way out. Sometimes when people are dating, or engaged, and are living together it is easier to leave, however if they are married there is more work to be done.
If you have the right state of mind and are willing to work through all of the ups and downs (they are much different from non-living together to living together) then go for it.
We had trouble with his grandparents because we moved in before we were engaged (they are extremely old fashioned) but once we were engaged and they realized we were not just "playing house" they were better with the situation. Grandma still will not come over until we are married though, it is kind of cute!

Answer 3

I moved into my fiance's house right after we became engaged. We dated for 3 years, and for the last year (maybe more) of dating, my apartment had become nothing but an expensive storage unit. Living together, we're able to save a TON of money and put it toward wedding expenses. It's working out wonderfully for us.

I think that it's typically a good idea for engaged couples to live together - if you're not compatible, it's much easier to decide that *before* you get married. On a moral level, I think that consenting adults should be able to do whatever they want as long as they're not harming anyone else. So I have no problem with people living together under whatever conditions they choose. HOWEVER, I personally think it's very unwise to move in together without a committment. I would not have moved in with my partner without being engaged and planning a wedding. Also, the engagement is making things much easier for our conservative families. They would prefer that we wait until we're married to live together, but it's not a big deal.

so that's my 2 cents!

Answer 4

I think it is a great idea. First I think you should date someone more that a year before moving in together. A year is just the beginning. I dated my boyfriend for 2 years and then moved in and we have been living together for 1 and I know him very well and feel very comfortable with him. I think we are ready to tied the knot. As long as you guys are honest with each and best friends it will work.

Answer 5

I think it's a good idea to live together before marriage because if you get along good before then get married and move in, you might not like the living style they have. But if you live together first then if you can't get along in the same house then you know if you'll make it being married.

Answer 6

It depends on your moral values. If you grew up believing that living together before you get married is wrong, then you cannot respect yourself if/when you do it. Lack of respect for yourself is the worst thing you can do to your relationship.

Many people say living together before you get married helps you build the relationship. I personally don't think so. Going to couples counseling may help. But learning to talk this kind of stuff out with your Significant Other, instead of talking to a bunch of Yahoos, is probably the first step to a successful relationship.

Keep in mind that if you feel guilty living together, you are more likely to get married just to make it right -- which doesn't make it right at all.

Answer 7

I think that it is completely fine to live with someone before getting married. However, I would never do it. Part of the fun of getting married is to learn how to be with each other 24/7. I'm getting married 9/15/07 and will be moving in with my fiance after the wedding. I just think that if you already live together, what is going to be different about being married??

Answer 8

I agree. I have no problem w/ couples living together. However, I do think they should be engaged (or on the verge of one). I think it's silly to live with someone you are unsure you are going to marry.

I would never move in my boyfriend, unless I had a ring first.

I think one year before is good timing. It makes much more sense to move into together before the wedding. It helps you transition into sharing the living expenses, etc.

Answer 9

Shacking up is not smart at all - for MANY more reasons than any moral ones. You need to be dating someone a year and a half to two years before knowing someone well enough to get engaged. Guys get much too comfortable in a shacking up situation, and girls give up way too much -- you just need to do some reading on this forum and the Marriage one to find all sort of women who suddenly can't 'figure out' why the guy just won't commit to marriage after they are living together!
Keep the surprise and the excitement of living together AFTER marriage - then the two of you discover everything about one another together, with the commitment.
And more marriages fail for a couple who has shacked up.

Answer 10

I think the biggest problem couples have before moving in together is talking about what it means for the relationship. My friend moved in with her boyfriend thinking it would lead to marriage. Two years later she is finding out he loves her, but hasn't thought about marriage.
With my then boyfriend, I told him that I was only going to move in if the relationship was going to lead to marriage. He didn't have to propose, but I wanted to make sure that he was thinking the same thing, and headed in the same direction.
I had people telling me all the time that he only had so long to propose, and I shouldn't continue living with him because why buy the cow . . . However, I felt our relationship was still moving forward and on good terms. If it was stalling or pausing, that would be something different. 15 months after moving in, we got engaged!! We will be married in June!