Should I be offended when someone calls me "dear" or am I overreacting?

Question

I was in the bank this morning. The teller is about in her 50s. I am male, 29 years old, very young looking (people sometimes mistake me as 22).

After my transaction, the teller thanked me with the exact words, "Thank you, dear."

I felt totally offended by this. I am not a kid. I'm a professional adult. She could call me by my first name or Mr Lastname or Sir. But not dear. Am I overreacting? Is there a proper etiquette how to address a client in the bank?

Answer 1

Don't feel offended, the teller's just showing her sweet loving ways as a mother to you being you as a young man considering her age. You should feel more comfortable and closer, and besides, you are not in a formal interaction like a conference, a business call or meeting. Though bank transaction is a business function, social dialogs are expected in ending or closing the scene, specially like from her age, I bet she knows where she stands. It's just not appropriate to say those ending remarks when you're closing or ending a formal meeting, business function or conference. I hope you got my point

Answer 2

Well, it's your prerogative to correct her, but I think you are overreacting... "Dear" isn't a term for a "kid"...it's a term of endearment in general for someone younger, and to her you are the nice (I assume) young man who was just at her bank. She's not some big business person or the bank owner, and probably has no idea what your professional title is. I think she's just trying to show affecting for fellow human beings, though, as I said, it's your prerogative to tell her what you prefer to be called, though it may not be worth it if this is not someone who you deal with every day and would remember you.

Answer 3

You are so over reacting. Terms of endearment are general pleasantries that we are sorely missing these days. I regularly have lunch at a place where staff of all ages, young and old use dear, sweetie, hon, etc. I am a professional and I find this to be endearing not an insult. I truly dislike PC and those who find it necessary to be addressed in a formal, socially acceptable label. Get over yourself and allow people to be friendly. If you were dealing with a bank manager, the protocol would be totally different. If you were dealing with a business meeting, the same would be true, but your everyday transactions with people are not formal. So check yourself and your attitude.

Answer 4

I can't say that I would be totally offended by the comment, but she did not address you correctly. The teller should have said thank you sir, or even have a nice day, but never should she have called you dear.

Answer 5

Well, it's not the most professional response, but I don't know that I would necessarily be offended. I'm from the South, and we call the teenage cashiers at McDonalds "ma'am" and "sir." We also call strangers "brother," "babe," "sweetie," "boo" (this last one is a Cajun thing), etc. It's a term of affection, which isn't so bad in a world sorely lacking in affection and human kindness.

Answer 6

It's a form of social endearmeant, it's not generally ment to be demeaning.

Tone and delivery have an important role as well. If she was snobbish or leering it wouldn't matter what she said.

People have ways to address others that are slightly more personal usually because they are just friendly people. It never bothers me when a cute waitress calls my husband "hon" in front of me unless she winks nudges or flashes cleavage

Don't let it bother you generally, we are losing the ability to be friendly and connect with strangers in this country, and that is a very sad state of affairs.

Answer 7

no u shouldn't be because its what the person was raised up on or they R probably just polite. U shouuld have responded back in that nice way. It isn't just because she's kinda old, its just that she has wisdom and because its her job to say thank u sir and may i help u sir. Most people would think of Yes Sir as in the slavery days but its not its a new thing of saying yes in a polite formal way.

Answer 8

I find it most offensive when a young person calls an older person dear..But not at all disrespectful for an older person to call a younger..its just a pleasantry reserved for mature folks who need someone to nurture in a kind way...dont fuss over it..she was just being nice

Answer 9

It depends on where you are. If you are in Asian country then this "darling" to a foreigner is unacceptable but if you are in European country then this "darling" is just like a breakfast, you say it everyday,

I received a foreign education and i am kind of awkward when someone address me with a "Darling" or "Dear" but once you get used to it, there shouldn't be any problem at all.

Just like when kissing in public places is considered as bad practice for Asian but for Caucasian, it is normal.

Answer 10

People are often over familiar with people significantly younger then themselves. Your offense is justified. Naturally she should treat you with the respect you deserve as a client. I suggest that the next time she addresses you so informally, say (nicely, now!), "I'm sorry, madam, do we know each other?" To which she will reply, "No." Your remark, in turn, should be, "Ah, I assumed that since you addressed me as, 'Dear', you were perhaps a friend of my family." If she doesn't take the hint from that, she may not be educable. If she takes the hint, you may not reap the benefits of her education; but the next young person in her line will, most certainly.