I need all your insights - I am kind of in a mess.?

Question

I am a young female with 2 kids, a nice husband, and a good job.My inlaws come to visit us every year for about 5 months. Now they are taking care of my kids. We have a very small two bedroom apartments. I cook and clean everyday. I get up at 5:00AM cook food, clean vessels and then go to work, get back in the evening, take care of kids, I also take care of my kid at night (still breastfeeding). My hubby shares work 2. My job is extremely demanding too. At home, I am not a warm person. I talk to my mom-in-law ok. But my relationship with my father in law is really bad. He is always angry. In the past he has talked really bad about me. He does not continue that now, but doesn't even smile at me. My husband and I fight over all this everyday. He feels I am the problem and I should talk more and keep them happy. But I feel suffocated and need some space. I prefer kid go to daycare (we can afford). Am I a problem monger? With stress at work and home i go crazy.Give me your unbiased opini

Answer 1

They visit for 5 months? Every year?
thats insane!!!
That isn't visiting, They live there!!!
they are lucky you haven't totally snapped yet.
1 week is about all I could/would take.

Answer 2

Ok I somewhat agree with your husband to try and keep the peace; however 5 months is a long visit and you work full time, clean and take care of the kids which all that combined is stressful. You are not a problem monger however everyone has to understand your busy day. The only thing that I can advise is that you try (if possible) to keep the peace, if all else fails talk to your husbnad about day care for the children and a shorter visit for the in laws as the place is small and you need to time for your family. Good luck

Answer 3

The problem is the length of time your in-laws stay with you. I can't believe they would come for 5 months at a time. I get along fine with my in-laws, but if they are here for more than 2 weeks, I start to go crazy. We have a 5 bedroom house, and there is not enough room here for my wife, 3 children, and my in laws. Your in-laws are obviously causing you and your husband to fight, and that needs to end. You have way too much on your plate even without your in-laws staying with you. You are not by any stretch of you imagination a problem monger. You are the one who is doing all the work and trying to keep 4 other people happy. I recommend taking a weekend away for yourself, and forgetting about all the day to day problems. I wish you luck!

Answer 4

Sounds like you live in an extended household. Eleviate some of this stress by getting a place of your own. I did. I was in your situation also. I hated it, but had to make due since we were living in my mom's house under HER RULES. You feel torn, I know, but those are the sacrifices we have to deal with when you can't afford a place of your own. When the baby is big enough y'all should go on more family outtings to get away from the house. Eat out to get away. Don't fuss to much with the cooking and cleaning. With 2 kids think of simple, easy meals or snacks. For the most part, don't let this come between you and your husband

Answer 5

I know exactly how you feel. Although I'm not a young mother with two children, I am the father of four (all of which are grown and on their own).

Grandparents don't always see that they are interferring with the family unity. Staying for five months sounds to me like they travel depending on what the weather is like. People who flock to warmer areas during the winter are commonly referred to as snow birds. And that is what the local people call them.

My father-in-law was the same way when we first got married. He was convinced that I had his daughter using drugs and she wasn't in her right mind to get married. And the preacher at the church wasn't any help either.

But I know where you are coming from when you say your job is extremely demanding.

Let me give you something to try ... compromise. Think of it this way. For at least five months you don't have to send the children off to day care. Since you are still nursing I'm guessing they are both under two.

Talk with a marriage counselor if you need to. Talk it over more with your husband but do it calmly and rationally. Listen to his side of it too. After all, he won't have his parents for ever ... I should know, I've lost both sets of mine, (I was adopted) and my father-in-law. My mother-in-law is all we have left along the parental unit side of the family.

Answer 6

Yes, having other 'family' at your house for too long is too taxing on the relationship you have with them, not to mention the one with your husband. He finds himself in the middle of it all and doesnt want to take sides! You should write down your feelings (with a clear head and not when too angry) and share with him, firstly, how you feel and why you feel this way. You may even suggest some changes, like maybe the daycare thing.... you need 'you-time' in your own space too!

You may even write a letter to the in-law people and explain (a bit of soul baring never killed anyone I know) similarly to them how you are feeling and own up to being a ***** as a result of the situation....................... and then apologise!

I am sure that the in-law people are only trying their best to help you guys but obviously the current plan is not working to everyones best interests.

Maybe you could all sit down like adults and discuss / propse a new arrangement or at least let of a bit of steam!!!!!

Answer 7

I agree with all of the above. I would put them to work taking care of the kids. Take them to the zoo one day, the park the next, to play with friends the next, etc. Run them around. And when weekend comes, you & hubby go off for some R & R. If you are saving money on day care, use some of it on a weekend away, or at least a night out. Use in-laws for some time out away from house and away from them. Don't forget car sex.

Answer 8

darl you need a break as we all like some peace to ourselfs every now and then, maybe just take the kids to a park let them play and read a book or depending wer you are and its hot take them to the pools and relax in the sun get a sun tan or get involved in a goup of some sort like a mother group, and with your father inlawthe best thing to do is try and make him laugh look up some jokes online there is only one way to get a grouch from being a grouch and thats comedy hope this helped darl good luck

Answer 9

first, you need to focus on your needs and set boundaries. second you need to have your husband'ssupport no matter what.

and yes do the daycare as it will make a world of diffirence for you mind and heart to clear, at least on one level...now about father in law... you and your husband must face him together and talk about it and set the ground rules... otherwise inlaws need to lodge somewhere... no ifs... no
buts... otherwise you may go insane... i wish you luck and
darling, no one can give you an unbiased opinion... you need to figure what works for you when you contemplate these answers and have alone time...

Answer 10

I don't think you are the problem. That being said, if you're serious about doing the best you can, then you should try to be polite and pleasant to your father in law, because you know where just standing your ground will lead. I'm not saying you should like him, but try not to think about the past.

Answer 11

Tell your in-laws to go back to their own home. You should have peace in your own home. Your husband should also put his foot down and tell his parents that they are making HIS family unhappy. Your marriage and your children should without question be top priority, not entertaining your in-laws.