What should i do if my mom won't let me raise my son.?

Question

everything I do is wrong in her eyes and today she told me she didn't want me to give my baby a bath because i might accidently let him drawn. I am 19 and i do accept some advice but its going to far.

Answer 1

Hello:

I would just have a heart to heart talk to her and be honest but respectful when you are explaining to her what she does hurts your feelings,and it makes you feel inadequate as a mother. It sounds to me like you are doing just fine as a mother and it is only human nature for your mother to want to watch you closely and try to help you out,because in her eyes,you do things differently than she does and that is okay!

I know that this may sound really silly but have you ever asked her in a nice way,"Mom,can you show me how to give my son a bath so he won't get too cold?" or "Mom,could you show me how to bathe my baby so I can learn how to do it from you?" See,it is about letting her help out when you need it,but on the other hand when she over steps her bounds with you and starts to take over TOTALLY then it is time to talk to her in a very direct but respectful manner such as:

"Mom,when you do a,b,or c,it makes me feel ______ because I want to learn how to take care of my baby on my own without alot of help." " I know that I am a good mother,and while I appreciate your help,please understand that I am the one who wants to take care of him and his needs.

I wish you the best of luck and you will do just fine,just don't let your mother bully you or manipulate you into doing things that SHE WANTS YOU TO DO,just because she is your mother!

Answer 2

I am assuming you still live with your mother? If so, my first suggestion would be to find a place of your own, if that is financially possible. Your mother should not be accusing you of being a bad mother, which is basically what her comment is doing. Sometimes parents have a hard time letting go of control of their children, and this can show up many times when their children start having children. But being downright rude and degrading is not appropriate. She might as well say to your face that you are incompetent. I would tell her exactly what you posted in your question, that you feel she thinks you do everything wrong, and it's starting to go a little too far. Tell her you appreciate advice, as long as it is given in a constructive manner, and not a criticizing manner. Good luck! And don't doubt your skills as a parent, it is something that comes naturally. You are of course going to be scared at first, but we all figure it out, and our kids make it out alive.

Answer 3

Talk to her, do not yell. Be nice. She knows how to push your buttons and she is doing a wonderful job of it. Let her see that your are taking raising YOUR SON seriously. And know matter what do not let others (including family) control you by their words and/or actions.

It does not matter how grown up you may seem, parents will always make you feel like you are 8 years old again. And in your mom's eyes you are a baby yourself. She is being a tad harsh but love her anyway. Include her (if she wants to be included) or let her help you in the raising of your baby. Set your limits but include her and take her advise. She had you, she knows a little.

Another thing, if you are a still leading the life (whatever that life may be) you had before your baby was born,then that may also play into your moms attitude towards you. People will look at you and see a child. That can not be helped. But the way you act and the actions you take will make people, including your mother, take you seriously or not take your seriously.

If you have not finished school, finish. Make a future for yourself and your son. It is very hard being a single mom but you can to it. Just trust in yourself. Make smart choices. And do not beat up on yourself.

Hope this helps.

PS- I believe you can do it because I did.

Answer 4

You say your mom "WON'T LET YOU" ????

Did her mom "NOT LET HER" raise you?

Are you stuck under your mother's roof and her financial support? Is that why she has you under her control? About bathing the baby..If you bathe the baby in a tub full of water that is one thing. But if you bathe the baby in the proper little tubs made for giving baby a bath and if you stay with the baby for the complete bath, then your mom needs to talk to a baby doctor. But that won't happen anytime soon. You are letting your mom control your life and she is doing just that. You need to stand up for yourself and possibly put her in her place. You can do that in a nice way if she lets you, but in any case you have to do something. Your mom is
living in the dark ages. Do you have siblings? What do they think and suggest?

Answer 5

Well you tell her that you are the mother and that alot of mothers out there are raising children on their own. Tell her you appreciate her input but she can't just go around telling you what you can and can't do. Especially giving your baby a bath!?!? If the baby needs a change is she going to say "Don't change him, you may get poop in his mouth" or "Don't feed him that bottle. He could choke" Give me a break. Some mothers mean well but have on clue where to draw the line. How does she expect you to learn if she's constantly on you about things like this? Tell her you need room to breath and that if you need her advice you will ask for it. If this doesn't help you should really focus on getting your own place.

Answer 6

He's your son and you should be able to be the mother. Just give your son a bath when you want. Try to give him a bath before she does, so then she can't give him a bath unless she is OK giving a baby 2 baths in one day. Then your mom may just have psychological issues. If you can't be the mother, then move out of your parents' house. It sounds like you live with your parents. Good luck! Appreciate your mom's love for your son and appreciate her help. You're lucky in many ways.

Answer 7

I am assuming you are a responsible person. You should sit your mom down and tell her simply that he's your son, and that though you value her advice, when asked for, she needs to back off. tell her that if she keeps up the way she's going she will push away. By pushing you away she is also pushing her grandson away. Also let her know that if she doesn't respect you and always underminds you, then your son will also not respect you and undermind you. Always remember that you are the most important person in his life no matter what anyone else says. good luck!!!!!!!

Answer 8

She is unhappy about something and this is a way of filling her gap, she has forgotten what it is like to be a mother again so she wants to look after your kid, but don't let her do this because it is your kid, she may think you will screw up etc. but the child is your responsibility and she should be able to trust you with it.
If worst comes to worse move out get yourself a council house or something, but remember this should be your last resort only, don't let your mothers need to love drive you apart, share the moments with her but dont let her take over.

Answer 9

it is tricky. and that i will see and comprehend the place you're coming from and that i think of that there is an option, extremely of elevating him how approximately she watches him once you're working long days or once you're in college for long days? no longer all the time that way he's no longer seperated from his sister or his father by way of fact inspite of the fact that it is no longer his organic and organic father i visit assume in this that he's being raised as in the experience that your fiance is his father. That way your mom isn't so lonely and your son receives the attention he desires, yet so as which you do no longer sense as while you're a bad mom, and probably sometimes, like for an afternoon she could desire to take the two certainly one of your toddlers? in the experience that your fiance has some working around to do and he desires a ruin. yet please don't sense undesirable you at the instant are not the only one, whilst i grew to become into 17, my brother grew to become into 6 my mom had to grant us as much as our grandparents yet for various motives, I grew to become 18 earlier the court papers went by using yet all the comparable she had to do it by way of fact she went to penitentiary. i does not enable your mom strengthen him yet enable her babysit him, my aunt and uncle are very busy and my aunts mom babysits her toddlers 5 days each week for roughly 10 hours an afternoon or extra sometimes. try that out, see the way it works

Answer 10

It is time for you to have your own place, own job and raise your own baby. Does she have any reason to fear you may do anything to the baby? When you live with your parents they sometimes forget that your child isn't theirs. My mom does it to me sometimes because i live with her but i have to remind her that they are my boys, i gave birth to them and i can take care of them. So far they are 2 and 5 and doing great so I must be doing something right. It may be time for your own life away from your mom so she can get use to being just a grandma.