question for teenage parents?

Question

lets say you and your 16 yr old got into a fight. she forgot to do her chorse one day, and had food in her bedroom another time. you ground her from going on a trip out of state to stay with her best friend for a weekend.

what if: she went on the trip anyway. she left one night, got the money from her account, bought a plane ticket for the next morning, jumped the plane, and left. and she stayed there the whole weekend.

what would you do?

and...
1)if she called while she was gone would you yell at her, thereby encouraging her not to come back
2)if you think you could stop her, how?
3)what would you do when she eventually came back?

Answer 1

If my kid ever did this (and got away with it) I would personally get on a plane and go get her. I would not be sitting at home, screaming at her through a phone. I would be there and get right back on a plane with her by my side. Her first punishment would be working to pay me back for my ticket to and from where ever her friend lived followed by a couple months of lost privileges and outings. If my kid had enough nerve to go behind mys back to do this, then most likely we didn't have a relationship to sacrifice so it wouldn't matter if I ruined the relationship by screaming and yelling and being disappointed.
Hon, if you're thinking about doing this, change your mind VERY quickly. I do think its a little over the top to cancel a whole trip because of little chores not being done, but don't go behind your mother's back and go anyway.
Best wishes

Answer 2

Kiddo, I agree your parent is being unfair to cancel your whole weekend just because you forgot your chores and had food in your room (is this the whole story? was there something else you did?). I'm assuming you're telling me the truth, though I suspect there was some other problem here. But your parent is your boss, for at least another 2 years, and you've got to do what they want.

If somehow, you managed to get this trip started, this is what would happen if I were the parent.

I would be frantic the minute I found you missing. I'd call the police, send out an Amber alert, the whole 9 yards.

If you called, I would be relieved, call off the cops, and then be very angry. I would tell her to get her butt back here and sentence her to community service for 6 months. Then I'd talk to bf's mom and telll her that you didn't have permission to be there, and could she please put you on a plane for home? And if she didn't, I'd get on the plane and drag you home.

You would come home before the end of the weekend, there's not a iceberg's chance in hell that you'll enjoy the weekend, because when Dad & I get to you, you'll be lucky to sleep in the backyard (maybe a live-away school is in order? or boot camp).

Bad plan, sweetheart. Better to ask your parents, "what can I do to earn the right to go on this weekend again."

Take care, sweetie,

TX Mom
Mine are 17 and 21

Answer 3

You know I done things like this at your age. My mom did just what a few said locked the door and would not let me come home. I was left on my own from the age of 16 to well NOW I am 43. My Mom passed away recently and we NEVER made up from my wanting to be a know it all and do what I wanted to do. I will never be able to change that So think about the future and your Moms side to this.
frankly I had my own daughter do something similar when she was 17 She disappeared for 3 days. Talk about FEAR. I had No clue where she was who she was with if she was alive. I was so relieved when she came back I cried. The thing is I refused to let her go the path I did and sat and talked to her about it. We have had a open and honest relationship since. When I said no about something we discussed WHY I said no She gave her side and if she was convincing I would change my mind in some cases.

Maybe what you need to do is sit and speak to your Mom. Talk to her about how you feel. How you think it is unfair and that this is important to you Admit you were wrong regarding the chores and food in the room (and anything else that may have happened to cause her to change her mind because sorry like the other poster I have to wonder if there is not more to this) try to offer to do some extra chores for a few weeks to earn back the trip.
You ever really miss something till you do not have it so try to appreciate it and respect it while you do have it. take it from someone who learned that the hard way.
By the way after my daughter came home and I went through that i called and said my apologies to my Mom for the worry i had caused her all those years ago. Well i said it to her phone answering machine. She still was not speaking to me nor did she up to her death.

Answer 4

I'd probably call the friend or her family. If no number, and I knew where she was going, I'd call the local police and have her picked up. It has nothing to do with being a good or bad parent, but leaving like that is a dangerous, irresponsible, and stupid thing to do. Once my child was back, there would be harsh consequences (loss of privilages including the cell phone and a hold on the bank account-grounding-never seeing the friend again). Next step would be juvenile detention facility or military school. Honestly, if she still wanted to be willful and disobedient, I'd give her $20, the number of a relative or family friend, and wish her the best of luck.

Her parents probably work hard to give her everything and only want the best for her. To destroy their trust and confidence in her is a really dumb thing to do and something hard or impossible to get back.

Answer your question regarding your "friend"?

Answer 5

After being a rebelleous teenager myself, I have sworn that I will not be so hard on my kids. I am very lucky to even really be alive today, I used to run away all the time and do things just because I knew my parents wouldn't approve. I have 2 girls, only 7 and 8months at the moment, but I have an open relationship with my seven year old and she has a mobile phone already for when she is at her after school activity on a Wednesday. She is to call me when she arrives there (it is across the crossing from the school) and I am able to contact her should I need to. I never tell her what she has done is bad or wrong, just tell her that when she chooses the behaviour she chooses the consequences. Kids and teenagers need to be able to predict what their behaviour will bring. Did you tell her that she could only go if she did all her chores and didn't have food in her room? Or that if she broke any rules her right to go would be taken back? I think punishments given in anger are not effective in any way based on what I went through with my parents. I have to say, the most moving moment I have ever had was when my Mum sat down with me when I was 17 and said she loved me, and that she only ever wanted to be my friend, not to fight with me. I felt really bad for my behaviour then. When she was angry it was easy to be angry and blame her for everything, when she spoke like that it hit home. Unfortunately, it was still difficult for me to talk to her about anything because we hadn't in the past. All you can do is try. Let her know you just want her to be safe and that you understand she's a teenager now and has a life and wants to experiment with things, and that is fine, but what you want is for her to be safe. If she calls, tell her you love her and that even though she has done the wrong thing, you are sick of being angry and you'd like to just have a calm adult conversation when she gets back. That you'd like to hear her opinions and how she feels about things. I wanted so much to tell my Mum many things, but never got enough guts to approach her, I would have loved to have an opportunity thrown at me where she said "tell me what's going on, how do you feel, why and what can we do together to comprimise and make the situation better"

Good luck

Answer 6

I think you mean "parents of teens" not "teenage parents" That's a tough situation, and seeing as I am a teen myself, I'm a bit biased. But I think skimping out on chores and having food in your room is just a bad reason for being unable to see a best friend that lives out of state. However, since she did disobey you and go anyway, let her stay, and don't yell if she calls, when she comes back ground her or use whatever punishment you see fit. And be glad she used her money, not yours.

EDIT: The person below me (Christian Mom) is right actually. don't yell at her, because she would leave again, I didn't think of that, like I said, I'm only 16 myself, and am basing this of of what my mother would do, and how I would react, and come to think of it, if I had the money, I would leave again. Listen o Christian Mom. She's right.

Answer 7

Oh, dear.....I have to agree with Lauren. If one of my kids had ever done anything like that......well, let's just say a spanking would be the easiest punishment they could expect.....But seriously, dear, there's a REAL problem in your family if you actually did this (or are considering doing this) and since you are asking the question you obviously know that this behavior is not acceptable. Do the right thing and if you have already done the wrong thing, take whatever punishment your parents give you and don't make the situation worse.

Answer 8

If you listen to some of the comments above, you will never have a relationship with your daughter. Tell her while she is gone to be safe and have fun. Don't tell her that she is in trouble when she gets back. Don't fuss when she gets back either. She will leave again. Have a peaceful discussion about it. If it turns into an argument, stop the convrsation. Be careful of what you say. VERY CAREFUL!! One word can cause a major blow up. So, talk to her as if she was an adult, but with judgement as to what you say.

Answer 9

change the locks and leave a sleeping bag out for her on the front porch.

hehe

Answer 10

I'd change the locks and wish her good luck.