My sister has been planning to get married where she lives in Brazil in April for over a year. Every one in my family has known this for a long time. My sister was adopted later in life but has gone above and beyond for my family and she is truly one of us. She has respected the sanctity of marriage and understands the commitment she is about to make. The problem is my cousin decided a week ago that she is also getting married in April within two days of my sisters wedding that is taking place in Brazil. Most of my family was planning to go to Brazil to my sister’s wedding and in our family we have a veil that has been used by the women in my family for 4 generations. My sister has been told that she can use the veil in her wedding. A few members of my family have brought up the fact that she is not blood related. However my sister has done more for our family than my cousin ever has. My cousin has been childish; she has known her fiancé for one month and is already living with him.
2007-08-21 09:58:44 · 15 answers · asked by Caligirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I don’t want things to be like this but I feel my sister deserves to have the family and the veil there for her special day more than my cousin. Any suggestions would help a lot.
2007-08-21 09:59:22 · update #1
An adopted sister is no less a sister than one from birth. Your cousin chose to have her wedding near your sister's knowing when and where your sister's was. She must accept the consequences of that decision, two of them being the loss of the veil and that your branch of the family will be out of the country during her wedding. I don't see this as anybody's problem but your cousin's. And, if she's only known the guy for a month, the whole relationship may well cool down, and maybe there won't be a wedding for her in April anyway.
2007-08-21 10:50:36 · answer #1 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like the idea of overnighting the veil. You should suggest that your sister be allowed to use it then someone can ship it immediately after the ceremony, that should make everyone happy.
Another thing, I think your sister is lucky to have you in her corner, and no matter what happens, veil or no veil you will be there to support her and that should definitely help to make her feel better.
Assure your sister that it may not even be an issue, because it sounds like your cousin is jealous of the attention. Her relationship may not even last, so don't worry about it now. If your sister and you act happy for your cousin, that will probably drive her nuts because she is obviously trying to get under your skin.
Don't worry it will work out and I am sure your sister will have a beautiful wedding no matter what happens.
2007-08-21 14:52:24 · answer #2 · answered by Reba 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who has the veil right now? I hope its your grandmother or someone who is not your cousin. Go over there, right now, in person, and beg and plead your sister's case. Talk about how much it would mean to her, you, your parents, etc. Also say it was already promised to her. Once you get the veil, hold onto it. Tell the cousin that she can have it when your sister's done with it, and you'll give it to her after the ceremony, since she'll be in Brazil anyway.
You probably will have a catfight. You can't avoid it...this isn't just about a veil, it's about how truly and wholly your extended family has accepted your sister. A catfight might be unavoidable. Just be sure you're fighting for your sister.
2007-08-21 10:09:30 · answer #3 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SunshineSpots took the words right out of my mouth!
Your cousin shouldn't get any sort of special treatmeant, especially since your sister's wedding was already planned when your cousin chose her date.
It's very disappointing to hear that family members are leaning towards giving your cousin the veil rather than your sister. To have a family back her up all the way, then change their tune when blood-relative needs something... That's very sad.
Maybe someone could fly with the veil to one wedding and then take it with them to the next wedding?
2007-08-21 10:09:53 · answer #4 · answered by quiet_hands 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They've only been together a month? This will be all over by Christmas.
Honestly, I think you sister shold get the veil, it was promised to her and regardless of whether she is blood, she IS legally part of your family and I am sure that your parents dont think of their blood children as more of thei child than you adopted sister, it just doesnt work like that. I'll never forget an interview with marie Osmund I saw once, she and her husband adopted a bunch of kids and also had a bunch of bio children as well. The interviewer showed her a picture and said can you tell us which ones are adopted and which are yours and she said somthing like "I have no idea which ones are adopted" basically saying that she doesnt think of them in that way, they are all HER babies. I'm sure your parents think of your sister in this way as well and I think that its REALLY hatefull and mean spirited of these other people to make such comments that she is not really one of you.
Anyway, Sister gets the veil, her wedding was planned first, it was promised, this other girl is going to have to arrange her schedule around the veils availability.
2007-08-21 10:09:58 · answer #5 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree that your sister has earned the right to wear the veil. Your cousin is being childish and her union probably wont last. It sounds like she has deliberately made an attempt to race your sister to the wedding.
I think you need to sit down with senior family members and explain to them what you have posted in your question up above. Plead your sisters case. I cant see how they can dispute this when your sisters wedding was planned first.
2007-08-21 10:16:32 · answer #6 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God help you guys! Your cousin is so wrong for that one. I have 2 adopted siblings and they are always treated equally in my family. Your sister was offered the veil first, she should get the veil. And if your family decides otherwise, Karma is a b***h and it will come back on them twice as hard. So they need to think wisely. Tell your sister good luck and God Bless her in this mess.
2007-08-21 10:25:32 · answer #7 · answered by 2 Legit 2 Quit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well first of all your cousin is very inconsiderate. but your sister should have it she got approval first i would Mace sure it stays in your possession then they cant take it from you because they would have to pry it away and second your a very good sister i be live Ur sister will deserve it more neway just explain my sister sent me over to come pick up the veil. they cant deny it since she did ask for it in advance also find out how fast FedEx can ship it maybe that might solve the problem
2007-08-21 10:09:29 · answer #8 · answered by Angie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does the cousin's mom and dad think this is okay? How is the cousin related to you exactly?
If she is your mom's sister's child, then maybe your mom could talk to her mom or something! This is terribly selfish and rude! Not to mention that it is particularly cruel to throw up the adoption in her face! My gosh! These people need to get a grip!
Why are they getting married in April anyway? Does the cousin have some pressing concern that has to take place then?
2007-08-21 10:58:56 · answer #9 · answered by valschmal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister had her wedding planned first. Your sister was offered the veil first. Your sister should get the veil. It doesn't matter if she is blood or not, she's been a sister to you and family to everyone else...a veil shouldn't change that.
2007-08-21 10:03:37 · answer #10 · answered by Alecto 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋