Don't get me wrong- I am looking forward to my wedding and I am having my dream wedding but sometimes it feel like a nightmare.... dealing with my mother-inlaw, my own mother and my fiance's sisters..... plus all the nameless relatives who I have never even met! But sometimes I just think- WOW, maybe I should have taken my money and eloped or bought a vacation home with it instead of this.......
How do you guys feel??
2007-08-21 09:20:16 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You know, something I've noticed the further I get into my planning and the more people I talk to, is that it seems to be one of those the grass is greener kind of things. People I've talked to who eloped kind of wish they had had a big wedding. People who had the big wedding wish they had saved their money and eloped. Shoulda woulda coulda. Each scenario comes with its own set of pros and cons and I guess you just have to take your decision for what it is and be happy with it. You have your reasons for throwing a big wedding just like other people have their reasons for eloping or going to the Justice of the Peace. Yes, planning this wedding has been a huge pain in my ***. But would I have regretted it if I hadn't had one? Probably. I know myself well enough to know what will probably dissapoint me. I'm sure you know yourself well enough also to be comfortable with your reasons for deciding to have a big wedding. I think the only people who are completely satisfied, no regrets, would do the same thing all over again are the people who had the money to hire a really expensive planner to do all the work for them. Its the work and all the details and blood sweat and tears that go into it that make a wedding both hard to enjoy and worth it all at the same time. You've got a great sense of style, a great fiance, and a pretty decent budget. You'll be fine. And one day when you have a daughter and she wants to get married, you'll already have the experience planning your own dream wedding to help her plan hers. Don't you think that alone makes it all worth it? I do. Good luck, Bubs! Only a few more months to go!
2007-08-21 09:45:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Yes, I would do many things differently, but I would still have the bigger wedding/reception that we had. The things I would've done differently would've been things like my dress (I was married in 1988--and my wedding pictures LOOK it!), my bridesmaids, and the town where we had it. But other than those few things, I probably would do it all again, and pretty much the same way as well. Granted, I'm saying this almost 20 years later, but I can totally understand how overwhelming and irritating all the planning can be sometimes.
Just remember one thing, ok? This is supposed to be fun. The minute it stops being fun, you need to re-evaluate how you're approaching it all. Remember, your expectations are the highest here, and you're the one who is thinking about this more than anyone else. You have the most invested in this, not only financially, but also emotionally. If you're expecting as much from others as you're giving yourself (and I'm not saying you are) you'll be very disappointed. Also, remember that your mom, mother in law, and future sisters in law are your family, and you're going to have to deal with them for a very long time. The relationship is worth more than any "thing" you can attach to it, ok? Although you have the right to your dream wedding, remind yourself that it will not go 100% according to plan. Everyone who RSVP's will not come, and you'll have some who didn't RSVP show up. At least one vendor will be late. Some one will get sick at the last minute. Or who knows what will happen, but it's all but guaranteed something will happen that you didn't plan for. If you tell yourself that in the whole scheme of things, none of this really matters, then you'll be a lot better off, my friend! Just keep asking yourself when you get upset about something, "Will this matter in 5 years?" If the answer is no, then don't waste your time being upset over it.
Good luck to you!
2007-08-21 10:43:37 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wedding was far from huge, but it was certainly well-attended. Once you factored in the wedding party and the few professionals - all of whom were friends - there were about 100 people all in all. I had a blast and wouldn't change a thing and still get warm and fuzzy when I think of my wedding day.
On the other hand, I seem to have dodged the bullet in a big way. Everyone around me either was supportive or didn't get in my way.
I have, however, known several women who were on the verge of tearing their hair out a week or two before the wedding, but still had a great time on the day and don't regret putting it all together, even with the stresses of other peoples' expectations.
Take a deep breath, find the funny and then find your Zen spot. This, too, shall pass, and in the end you'll be married to your guy. What's better than that?
Just remember, you can't have it as bad as my friend whose mother-in-law to be insisted the entire wedding party go out and scrub the woods clean the day before the wedding!
Yes, she managed to have a great time at her wedding, all the same, and would do it all over again.
2007-08-21 09:39:34 · answer #3 · answered by gileswench 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If I had it to do all over again, I never would have done the big nice wedding!! My mom offered us the money for a trip and a house down payment, but I insisted on the whole ordeal of the wedding. It was so much work, and a production for everyone else. In the long run, I didn't really even enjoy it that much. It was stressful, and the day was over way too fast. I would do a small wedding, and then have a fun party to celebrate. The kicker is though, you can't really tell anyone that, because it is something that you have got to learn on your own!
2007-08-21 09:29:17 · answer #4 · answered by CuitePie 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I had a great time at my wedding. I loved hanging out with my family and getting tons of presents :D lol No, but I really did enjoy it and everything but....
If I could go back in time I wouldn't do it over. It was a lot of money. They say that the memories last forever but they really don't. If you're the sentimental type and you have always looked forward to having a big wedding then go for it and it will be totally worth it. But if you're like me and you could really go either way and it doesn't really matter as long as you're getting married then don't go through the trouble. The memories that last forever are the ones you create through out your marriage. One party, although it may be fun, is not worth thousands of dollars. I wish I would've invested that money into buying a home instead.
2007-08-21 09:33:26 · answer #5 · answered by mrs.v259 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My wedding is Saturday, Sept. 1, 2007. I am currently in the middle of a HUGE meltdown with my mom over the photographer and we are not speaking (lovely, huh?). I have spent the last two days on the phone for 45 mins each call trying to figure out where my 8 pairs of pants are that I ordered for my groom and groomsmen at the beginning of the month. There are several people who are now considered former friends out of all of this. If it would not cause such a problem to back out of the big wedding now, I would go to the courthouse tomorrow and marry my fiance and enjoy the moment. After all, this is about me and him, not who got invited to the bachelorette, what the photographer is charging and not doing, etc. I wish you the best of luck with your wedding! I am at wits end.
2007-08-21 10:26:45 · answer #6 · answered by Stella 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey bubs, I havent seen you in a while, been wondering how you are doing.
As you know I didnt have the big wedding with all the bells and whistles, and if I could go back, knowing then what I know now and being the strong and mature woman that I am now, I would have done the big froofy wedding and to hell with my MIL.
Honestly, I know its hard work, but I know you wont regret a single minute of your day once its here. Its just the getting to the day that truly sucks. But just think, we're already at the end of August. When I first came on the boards, you had a YEAR to go, now you are only 2 months away!!!!!
Keep strong!
2007-08-21 09:41:56 · answer #7 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a $50,000 wedding... small compared to what I've seen! I wanted to keep it small with only relatives and close friends that I knew I would keep in contact with. There were some uncles and aunts that i did not invite because we did not have a relationship, which in turn caused a rift in the family. But to tell you the truth I would not have had it any other way. I had about 120 people there... The church was worth it, the reception was worth it.... Some people say I'm crazy, but I'm old fashion and know that i will only be married once! No matter how much you spend or how crazy things get, the moment you see you're soon to be husband at the end of the aisle waiting for you nothing else in the world matters. Its like time stands stills and at that moment you know it was all worth it!!!! Congrats and have fun.
2007-08-21 09:31:55 · answer #8 · answered by consdr urslf lucky..... 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I am right there with you. I have been married 9 years. I had a lovely, fancy wedding. It was a glorious day. Yet, in retrospect, I would have gladly taken the money for a larger house downpayment, or something else. But, hindsight is 20/20. I would never have wanted to not have a wedding.
Be glad for what you have, or are having, don't drink too much that day, try to spend a minute or two (at least) with every guest, and enjoy your party.
2007-08-21 09:30:11 · answer #9 · answered by Beth M 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had this exact same option given to me a couple of months ago. My Parents are paying for the wedding and my Dad asked me if I would like to forgo the gorgeous location and the flowers and photographer and scale this wedding down and on the wedding day me and my FH would get a large sum of money. I talked to my FH about this and he did not feel comfortable taking money from my parents and we also wanted this day, the only wedding day, we would both ever get to be special and how we want it to be. So we said no to my Dad but thankyou for the offer. Our wedding is costing under $15000 anyways as we didn't feel right having a huge wedding at my parents expense so maybe my Dad may give us the leftover from the budget. It is really up to you and your fianceee, ask him and talk to your parents and see what the best choice is for both of you. If you want to buy a house the money that your Dad gives you could go towards that or renovations. Or you may want to have the perfect dress, reception and venue think hard about what is right for you and your FH
2016-05-19 01:21:57 · answer #10 · answered by louvenia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋