I was thinking about this last night while watching Big Love...a girl was dating a guy and she was the no-sex-until marriage type and he wanted to have sex, it basically ended up being the deal breaker in their relationship.
I know a lot of us have said we can rise above something like religion when it comes to dating and marriage, but do you think you'd be able to maintain a relationship with someone who views sex so differently than you?
Meaning: if you think sex is fine and a natural part of a relationship, would you have a problem with your partner seeing it as something sacred that is only for marriage? Would this cause you to break it off completely, despite your feelings for the person?
And vice versa, would you be bothered if your mate (for lack of a better term) had a more casual view of sex than you?
2007-08-21 09:07:21 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
@the chosen one: guess I'm screwed then. Err...no pun intended.
2007-08-21 09:20:00 · update #1
@the chosen one: guess I'm screwed then. Err...no pun intended.
2007-08-21 09:20:01 · update #2
Hi there. Well saying how you would react and then how you would actually react, I think, are probably two different things. I'm getting married in June of 08.. and I've been with my fiance for 3 years this November. About eight or nine months ago, he got this bright idea to stop having sex until we're married. At first I thought he was kidding, so I went along with it, but before long, I realized he was serious, and we got into a HUGE fight!! I was such a baby about it. But I couldn't believe he was trying to take sex away from me for over a year and a half. ESPECIALLY when we'd already been having it for so long.
I won that argument.
I wouldn't have left him over it (I don't think, lol) but it definitely would have put a strain on our relationship because sex is very important to me.
2007-08-21 09:13:27 · answer #1 · answered by Linz ♥ VT 4 · 9⤊ 0⤋
I think that I could live with it for a while but ultimately it probably would be a 'deal breaker'. Most modern women know that sometimes two people are sexually incompatible and only discover so when they have sex, or try to.
Assuming that she actually did want to have sex with me but was putting the concept of marriage above her own feelings and mine, I think that would show there was a problem in the relationship somewhere rather than being a clash of sexual ideology.
As for being more casual about sex that me, unless she was having sex with, or even kissing another bloke (which would end the relationship immediately) I wouldn't have a problem.
I have dated Christian women in the past but in the UK most Christians aren't what you would call 'extreme' (i.e. it doesn't rule their world).
2007-08-21 09:47:53 · answer #2 · answered by Citizen Justin 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. Well, I believe sexual intimacy should proceed at the pace of the *slower* partner, but can't imagine ever again dating someone who thought it was important to "wait until marriage." That's just ridiculous! Sex is a healthy and normal part of an adult relationship . . . and a woman who didn't think so too would probably be incompatible with me in a lot of other ways as well.
You get down to core issues, with sex. Something "off" there is going to diffuse out through other aspects of personality and worldview.
2. Now, on the other side of that coin, I do have my limitations as well---I'm not comfortable with polyamory within my own relationships, or with bisexuality. It's fine if someone IS bisexual, but if they're making a commitment to me, it needs to be an exclusive one. We're ALL a *little* bi for the most part, lol---doesn't give a woman a free pass to cheat.
2007-08-21 11:29:40 · answer #3 · answered by Boar's Heart 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No sex would be a definite deal breaker. Not that I require it on the first date. When it comes to relationship sex, it's not something that should be approached too casually, but it shouldn't be placed on a pedestal either.
Out of both self-respect as well as taking into consideration the other person I could never date someone who is that strongly into religion. Things would be far too incompatible on even a fundamental level.
I've met very few people who have as casual view of sex as I do. As far as my partner goes I'm GGG (bonus points if you know what that means), open-minded and unshockable. I will do whatever they like as long as it's legal, consensual and not unhealthy.
2007-08-21 09:36:42 · answer #4 · answered by Peter D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Interesting question...you're getting all deep on me.
If I had just started to date someone or for some reason it came up on the first date, yes it would be a deal breaker. Like several people above me said, if they are that reserved about sex, chances are when have it, it's not going to be how I like it. (I think I just made my self look a little freaky....)
Now if something happened to my husband and we couldn't, no I wouldn't leave him over it. We'd just find other things to do. There are lots of things you can do if you get creative.
Also, yeah cheating is cheating whether it's same sex or not. As long we were good on that, I can handle bi. I could care less actually. Fidelity is what's important to me.
2007-08-21 12:33:24 · answer #5 · answered by ~Heathen Princess~ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yeah- that would be a deal breaker for me too- I have no intentions of getting married, BUT If that is the route we are headed in- so be it.
I would NEVER marry someone I haven't had sex with, and yes- no sex would be a HUGE deal-breaker. ON TOP OF THAT- I would never date someone with a more casual view of sex than me. My views on sex are already about as casual as it can get without it becoming an open relationship (something I'm not against, but would never participate in- I don't like sharing).
2007-08-21 09:17:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I would not date someone with different standards than mine.
On a whole it would be difficult. I know everyone is saying be tolerant of others but really, just read some of the responses on this site. Few are really tolerant of any differing view on ANYTHING! Something as personal as sex....yeah that is a deal breaker for almost everyone. Being truthful.
2007-08-29 04:57:21 · answer #7 · answered by mstrs servnt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think it's a delicate subject. If someone believes it is that sacred then I respect it and I would NEVER break it off with them just for that.
But then again I don't think I'd ever have sex before marriage.
A lot of people think it's really abnormal for people to wait for it, but I dont think it is. I think it's just this culture maybe. In most cultures I've seen, it's a personal thing, not a cultural thing. I'm Portuguese and where I'm from, it's a personal thing. And I lived in Brasil and it's a personal thing as well. But here, in North America, I find it's a cultural thing. It's almost BAD when someone is seen as a virgin, it's really disgusting.
2007-08-21 09:13:08 · answer #8 · answered by j12 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My convictions over power the desire not to have sex if not married. I don't believe sex is fine and a natural part of a relationship if not married. Sex feelings grown with only one person involved. And if the guy loves the girl like he says he does, no way would he want to defile her before marriage.
I can honestly tell you, I know that I know I would not have sex if not married. Thats my convictions
2007-08-28 18:34:32 · answer #9 · answered by airlines charge for the seat. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that sexual compatibility is one of the cornerstones of a relationship, although certainly not the ONLY one, whether it be marriage or a less formal arrangement. That being the case, I cannot see any logic at all in trying to be with someone who doesn't share my view on sexuality; I suspect it would be a deal-breaker for me as well.
2007-08-21 09:20:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋