How do you tell your sisters you're getting married, but they're not invited?

Question

I'm getting married September 29. I'm six months pregnant so we've (my b/f and I) decided to keep the wedding small and simple. We just confirmed the date with the chapel today, so we haven't told anyone, yet. We have decided (because we want it small) that the only people that are going to be there are my parents (mom and step-dad), his parents, my best friends and his 14 year old daughter. I know my biological father and step-mom are going to be upset, and I'm pretty sure my sisters will be, too. I've only known them all for three years, (my step-dad raised me) but I have gotten pretty close to two out of my four sisters. How do I tell them I'm getting married, but they're not invited?

Maybe I should have explained that I can't stand my biological father and one of my sisters. My biological father doesn't realize (or doesn't care) that my step-dad is my dad and has been for 23 years, despite the fact that I"ve told him this several times. Whenever they're together there is always tension and I don't feel like it's fair that I should have to deal with that on my wedding day. Although you're right, and it's only six more people....on my side. If we invite my sisters then we'd have to invite his brother and sisters (4). Where does it end? We're also taking our parents out to dinner afterwards and the more people, the more expensive and seeing as how we have a baby coming in a couple of months, we need save whatever we can. My best friend is also invited because she's been my sister for twelve years as opposed to the few years I've know the others.

Everyone who responsded so far did read the part about only knowing them for three years, right? We are talking about the man (and his family) who gave me up at birth!! It's not like I was raised with my sisters. If people can't be nice, don't respond. I just need advice on how to tell them, not what I should be doing.

Answer 1

No matter what you do is going to make some one upset. You need to do what make you happy. This is a stressful time doubly for you. A new baby and a wedding. I understand the money thing and not wanting stress.Just be sure that this is what you want.It could be the end to any relationship you have with them. But If they can not understand that this is the way you want the day then poo on them.
The best way for you to do this is after the wedding set them down and say this was what i wanted with every thing going on this is what i needed. I am sorry if it hurts your feeling. If they find out about the wedding before stick to your guns

Answer 2

Why wouldn't you invite your Dad and step-mom along with your sisters? Even if you haven't known them that long, they're still family and would probably feel happy to be included in a family function. Families are too split up and non communicative these days anyway. I think reaching out to them to attend your wedding would be a big step in addressing the issue of trying to repair what sounds like a big rift in your family. Surely you could include a few more for the ceremony. You're inviting friends. That's like telling you Dad, Step-Mom and sisters that your friends are more important to you than they are. Down the road, I think you would regret it.

Answer 3

If you don't feel comfortable inviting your other family, then don't and let them know you were married until after. Telling them you're getting married but not invited is pretty rude and will only cause more drama. You're pregnant, so do what's best for you and your new family.

And don't feel bad about inviting your friends instead of family. Sometimes our friends become our family when we need them to be, and it seems since your father wasn't in your life, you managed to create a new family that's deeper than blood.

Good luck!

Answer 4

If I were in your position I'd invite immediate family, which would be parents and siblings on each side. But this is your wedding so...

State that very few people are invited (tell them who, so they know its ONLY your parents and his daughter) and due to budget restraints they are sadly not included.

You'll have hurt feelings all around.

Stand firm though.

p.s. I read your part about the three years.

Answer 5

I think you're really out of line to invite your friends over your sisters. But that's just me. I understand wanting to keep a small wedding, I do. But there's no chance in hell that they're going to take that in a good way, it's really inconsiderate. It's natural for your brothers and sisters to expect to be there when one of you gets married. Because you didn't grow up together, though...they may not even mind as much as you think. The best you can do, is tell them like it is and hope they understand. If your mind is made up, that's all you can really do. Good luck, and congrats.

Answer 6

If they are unimportant enough to you that you don't want them there, why do you have to tell them anything? Can't you just send an announcement after the fact that says "Jane and Joe were married on September 29 in a small private ceremony"

I mean, how are you going to let other acquaintances know? Inform them the same way...

Answer 7

Are you not inviting them because you want to keep it small or because you can't afford to have them? If it is because you can't afford them, why can't you just have them come to the chapel if they want and explain that your mom is taking you out to dinner afterwards and that you are not having the traditional wedding. Maybe they'll end up having a small dinner for you as well on another night to celebrate.

If it is because you want to keep it small, I don't think adding five people would be that big a deal.

Answer 8

I really think you should consider inviting them. You are going to risk doing some serious permanent damage to your relationship with these people, especially the two sisters you are close to.

Your friends are invited so you are telling your family those friends are more important than them. Kinda messed up message to send. Besides, what skin is it off your nose if you have four extra people in the seats....It's not like courthouses/churches charge an addmisssion fee per guest or anything.

Answer 9

You don't.

If you read romance novels, you'd have known immediately that what was needed was A Secret Wedding. Swear everyone involved to total secrecy. Wait until after your honeymoon to send out announcement, so as to maintain the appearance happened very suddenly, with little time to plan. When the spit hits the fan, every just says "It all happened so quickly -- it was very nearly just bride & groom."

It would be gracious if, sometime soon after your honeymoon, you gave a dinner or small party with your father's new family as guests of honor to soothe any ruffled feathers.

Answer 10

I think it's really disgusting that you're inviting FRIENDS and not your own sisters.

However, the answer to your question would be: DO NOT tell them until AFTER the wedding. Hey, why tell them at all? If they're not more important than your best friends, why not let them find out through the grapevine? I mean, why should you care, right?

Shame on you.