If one of the people in your wedding party continues to say this is costing too much money for me and is basically a burden. The catch one of the bridesmaids is the girlfriend of the best man? Can you tell her that she doesn't have to be a part of it if she doesn't want to? The problem is that the best man might back out as well? Help!
2007-08-21 07:48:17 · 36 answers · asked by CB 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I hear a lot of people talking about the financial situation. The girl still lives at home. The dress was bought off of ebay for 50.00. the shoes were not bought yet but I don't think they will be more than 30.00. It will probab;y be under 400.00 or maybe even 300.00 for everything. Is this really a lot?
2007-08-21 08:18:41 · update #1
The 400.00 is everythng included. That would be the top that any of the bridesmaids would have to pay. She also is not in college and works full time.
2007-08-21 08:36:14 · update #2
You can kindly offer her the opportunity to step down. Something like...
Sally, I've heard you mention a few times about how much the wedding is going to cost you. I think it's important to me and my future husband that you're in the wedding--because you're very special to us. Would it be better for you to step down as a bridesmaid, and just come to the wedding and reception? I won't be offended, and just want to make sure you enjoy the day as much as possible.
If she says she wants to back out, give her a hug and remind her that it'll still be special to have her there. If she doesn't want to back out, ask her what options she sees that might make this easier for her (NONE of which you have to USE, but you should think about them).
2007-08-21 07:53:23 · answer #1 · answered by Left Bank Hook 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Look, I know that lots of brides out there want everything to be exactly the way they always imagined it from the time they were little girls. But when you grow up and make a lifetime commitment such as marriage to someone, I hope you are practical enough to understand that things like finances, budgets, and your friends' feelings are far more important than a silly dress-up day so you can feel like a princess. If your bridesmaid can't afford the cost of the things she is being required to buy, perhaps you should reassess your choices to make it a little more practical and affordable for everyone involved. I absolutely hate when a friend's getting married and in order to be a bridesmaid you have to shell out like $300 for a dress and shoes you'll never wear again. Just because I may not be in the same income bracket as some of my friends, that shouldn't mean I'm not allowed to participate in their wedding! I know a lot of people on here will say, "Just tell her to give up her bridesmaid spot if she doesn't want to pay for it," but that is elitist and wrong to basically force someone out of your wedding because she doesn't have the same kind of money that the rest of you do. Either help her with the costs by telling her you'll loan her the money, or go with cheaper dresses, shoes, and bouquets.
2007-08-21 07:59:53 · answer #2 · answered by fizzygurrl1980 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it's fine to give her the option. Can you help her out with costs? I know that being a bridesmaid can be costly, so I see her point, but she did agree to play that role for you. Maybe you could tell her that you'd rather she put the money she has into the bridesmaid stuff and that you don't expect a wedding gift or so. I know you have a lot of costs yourself. Try not to be mean about it, or maybe talk to both the best man and the girlfriend at the same time. Perhaps a compromise would work if she'll pay for the dress, you can help her out with alterations? I don't know. It's hard when I don't know exactly how much she's expected to spend and how much she's spent already vs. how much she can afford to. Just try to be sensitive.
2007-08-21 07:59:45 · answer #3 · answered by dmc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is the only reason this girl is in your wedding because she's dating the best man? I would sit down and have a little chat with her. Let her know that you have enough stress at the moment, you don't need her adding to it. If your uncomfortable doing that maybe you should see if the groom could talk to his best man and see what he could do about it. If the best man were to back out of a wedding he already agreed to be in, I would say your husband is better off without him in the wedding.
2007-08-21 08:12:12 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a bad situation. She really should have taken the costs into consideration b/4 she said she would be in the wedding. Maybe you could talk to her about it, and let her know that planning a wedding is stressful, and you really want her to be in it. I would think that the best way to approach the problem would be to let her know how needed she is right now. When people feel needed, they are more likely to respond in a positive way. Maybe she will stop talking about the money she is spending.
2007-08-21 07:58:39 · answer #5 · answered by RORO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure... Maybe she's just looking for a chance to get out. Talk to her nicely, and ask her if she would rather not do it. Don't let it hurt your feelings, just ask for an honest answer. If everything is handled with civility, the best man should understand. I mean, is he the best man because he is your husband's friend, or only because his g/f was in the wedding party? If it's the latter, you need to find a new best man anyway.
2007-08-21 08:07:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep her feelings in mind. But, tell her how you feel. Let her know that you don't want this to be a burden on her...and if it is too much of a burden for that you won't be hurt if she steps down. Have your groom talk to the best man. Tell him how much it means to him (maybe both of you) that he is still part of the wedding even tho his girlfriend isn't. I would hope that he would understand. If he drops out of his best friends wedding just because his girlfriend voluntarily stepped down...there might be something else there that needs to be figured out.
2007-08-21 08:01:18 · answer #7 · answered by betney109 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For some people, YES it would be a lot.
however, I would pull her aside QUIETLY and have a conversation with her about this. You don't need someone constantly complaining about something. If she didn't want to put out the money to be in a wedding, she didnt' have to. Tell her that you know it's a big investment and you really appreciate her being in the wedding, but if it's too big a stretch for her she should speak to you privately so you can work something out, or not have accepted.
2007-08-21 08:25:09 · answer #8 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people just complain no matter what. Give her the opportunity to back out, if she wants to stay in it, you might just have to try to ignore her (as hard as it might be) Be prepared for her boyfriend to back out as well.
In her defense- being in a wedding IS very expensive!! But if she really wants to be a part of it, she should just suck it up and keep quiet. After all- she has probably had months to save up for her expenses. Most people don't plan a wedding with a bridal party overnight.
2007-08-21 08:03:17 · answer #9 · answered by Amy P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want to hurt her feelings or risk the best man backing out then why don't you politely ask her if she would share any ideas she has to save money on things. She is probably dying to get in the middle of the whole thing but doesn't want to seem like she is stealing your thunder. Even though its none of her business, she may have some cost saving ideas that would be just as good. Congrats by the way!
2007-08-21 07:55:38 · answer #10 · answered by Waterwitch E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋