I'm dating a woman who is in recovery from drug addiction. I myself am in recovery from addiction as well. Our dating relationship has been chaotic and intense and has lasted so far for about a month. Two days ago she broke up with me and told me it was because I wasn't as into her as she was into me. She wanted a committed relationship it sounded like. I wanted to date her more, hang out with her, and get to know her before making that decision. Since our "break up" she has been calling me and leaving long winded messages on my voicemail, and now wants to see me again. It feels more intense than I like it, and yet when we connect we connect at a very intimate level. It just takes time to get through all the BS. I told her that I need a little space and plan on getting back to her in a day or so, but right now I am not sure if I want to continue dating her, or if I want to let her go. Any suggestions?
2007-08-21 07:14:19 · 37 answers · asked by wonderboy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would let her go,because you are still in recovery and you don't need something this intense to push your buttons.Move on and have some fun and enjoy your life.Wish you the best in your recovery!
2007-08-21 07:25:07 · answer #1 · answered by ana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, beings there is drama and her breaking up with you etc.. Sounds very unstable and wish washy. You 2 are both recovering an addiction, so it isn't really healthy to be in a relationship that can also turn into an addiction or drama , breaking up and making up. you both really need to focus in recovery and yourselves. You do have an intimate connection, you both are recovering. It could be good because of the things in common, but it also could be lethal and hinder your recovery. Its nice to be supportive of others, but because you are both recovering, it isn't really healthy for you or her to have to be the pillar of strength. Just seems like there is drama here and you need to ask yourself if that is helping what is important, and that is recovery, drama especially after only a month. chaotic and intense is exactly what drugs/alcohol create in ones life, and this is how you describe your relationship.
2007-08-21 07:26:15 · answer #2 · answered by Maalru3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I think you shoudl move on. Though it may seem good being with another recovering adddict because you know what each other are going through and stuff like that may seem good but in the long run I think it's just goign to creat more chaos and more trouble. If one relapses odds are the other one will also, if you guys are having trouble in the relationship or break up you'll both most likely wind up relapsing. Why not take some time off, get yourself straight and if in a few months you both are clean and want to continue the relationship do it.
2007-08-21 07:22:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that there are a lot of prose and cons to this situation. I think that at times you two might need each other especially when it comes to your recovery. Both of you are going through the same or similar feelings right now and it would be really helpful for yall to be able to rely on one another. It seems to me that this girl really just wants someone to help her get through things right now and your the person that she has turned to for help and guidence.
The downside to this is that she seems pretty unstable with her emotions. If she starts getting depressed again or upset with things she might turn back to drugs and if you're close to her you might as well fall victim to them as well. I don't know the whole situation but it seem like if you think you really connect with her then you should just jump into the relationship and if you really aren't sure I would leave her along...but I don't think dating is an option here. She seems really attached and if you aren't ready for that then don't play with her emotions.
2007-08-21 07:27:14 · answer #4 · answered by blondie4life235 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is why men and women have so much trouble. In any stage of a relationship, a woman needs you to show her you care in some way. Do the intense feeling feel uncomfortable because you are not used to them / don't know how to deal with them or because you really are just not into her? Only you can anwer that. Remember: fear is the forerunner of failure. If you really do like her though, you should call her just to say hi...even if you aren't ready to make a decision.
2007-08-21 07:27:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey honestly any intelligent person would know from the first to lines of your story, that the answer to your question is NO.
She may be a wonderful person, but addicts in recovery should abstain from sex, and relationships until they are at least a year clean. You need to be able to find yourself with out the aid of drugs before you can find yourself with any one else.
If you continue this relationship I foresee nothing but continued chaos and further down the line the two of you enabling one another to do drugs again...
I'm very sorry, but I am very proud that you are in recovery.
keep strong, keep faith.
xoxo
2007-08-21 07:24:57 · answer #6 · answered by Kris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay so heres my view. If your heart is telling you to give it a chance then your most likly to do it.every girl hopfully dates a guy to have a long term relationship so don't let that scare you off After you finsh reading this come up with ten things incredable about her and then ten things for whats wrong with her and then decind what you want more the wonderful thing and little mistakes or a new person either way it's what you wanted at that moment whatever you say or do is what god wants you to do follow your heart theres nothing more to say.
Good luck i hope i helped a little.
2007-08-21 07:25:14 · answer #7 · answered by Misty H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if she breaks up with u and wants to get back with u two days later....then im thinking if u keep dating her there will be alot of drama you will have to deal with.(my friend joey was in a relationship of nonstop drama similar to this) also you said when u connect with her, is it physical? do u guys ever talk, do u really have fun with her , just being with her? or is the question that is she having fun with u?im thinking if she breaks up and gets back with u, is she trying to 'punish' u? is she playing a silly game such as ' hard to get'? if u guys never sit down and talk and u guys are only physical, no matter whos choice it is. if its her choice to be physical and not to talk often then is she looking for action? no one to really care about, is she using u just for "smoochy smoochy" or... if u are the one who brings upon the physical'ness' so much in the relationship are u using her? are u interested in action? either way in my opinon if it is basicly a physical relationship and u dont know what u have in common with her, u should break up with her if so. when u break up with her, just do it, dont answer her phone calls , emails, IM's , etc. for at least a month, maybe a month and a half. and dont have second thoughts of getting back with her when u do break up, both of u will move on to other people eventually.
2007-08-21 07:28:55 · answer #8 · answered by Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like both of you have more work to do on yourselves before you can work on a relationship together. Sometimes space is the best thing for a relationship to grow, but both parties have to be on board with the plan and goals.
2007-08-21 07:25:09 · answer #9 · answered by Mataleon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you make the connection is going through all the BS really worth it? If you think it is and you want to see if you can make your relationship work then go for it. If you don't really think it's worth it then you should just let it go. You have enough on your plate without having to deal with her too.
2007-08-21 07:29:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋