would you go through your teenagers things?

Question

Weather you trusted them or not?

Like going through drawers, closets, looking under the bed/mattress, and ever their diaries, etc,. Just to keep up with whats going on in their lives and making sure they are making the right decisions and not having sex, doing drugs or drinking.

And if you would search their room and found something, what would you do?

Could you give me reason of why you would or why you wouldn't.

in case your wondering why I ask, is because I'm doing some research on this subject

Thank you

Also for the ones that had parents that did this thank you very much for responding, its awesome to be able to get feedback on your thoughts about your parents and how it made you feel.

BTW, I do not go through their things, but I'm sure I would if I felt the need to, but I would have my child present while I was doing it

Answer 1

My view is slightly different. I am a parent. Being a parent, it is my responsibility to protect my child. Being teenagers, my daughter and son don't always make the right choices for themselves. I realize that I cannot always be there to "hold their hands" and make decisions for them or with them but I can be informed about what is going on in their lives. I do have wonderful commmunication with my kids, but I also realize that kids keep a lot of secrets too. Nowadays you hear all kinds of stories from parents who have children that have died due to drug use and other things. Some of those parents have said that they did not even have a clue becuase they had open communication with their child and nothing seemed out of place. A lot of them wish that they had been a little bit nosy and asked more questions or searched their rooms. Another example is say a teen is having unprotected sex. Even though their parent might have talked to them openly about sex, a lot of kids won't tell their parents that they are doing it, thus having unprotected "secret" sex they could end up with STDs and who knows what. If the parent had been nosy reading notes or something they could discover the fact that their kid is sexually active and take them to get protection. Second, the house that my child lives in is my house. When my child grows up and gets a job and pays bills then they can do/have/hide whatever they want in their house. My children know that I do snoop through their stuff at random and I have told them it is because I love them and it was my life-long promise when they were born to take care of them. Sometimes my daughter will purposely hide a note about something she wants me to know about but doesn't dare to bring up to me on her own. This way, she knows when I find it that I will bring the subject up and take the time out to talk to her about it. We were put on this earth as parents to take care of, nurture and protect our children. As long as they are under our roofs and minors then they are not old enough or responsible enough to make decisions that will not just affect themselves but the lives and environment of the loved ones in their home. It is not "wrong" or an "invasion of privacy" no matter what people may say. I will probably get a ton of thumbs down for this, but my children are my children, I love them and know that they don't always share stuff that could prove dangerous to them. If I read a note and there is stuff there that I don't necessarily care for, but doesn't present a threat, then I don't even mention it to them, but if it does , you can be sure the first priority for me is the safety of my children.

Answer 2

I would only go through a teen's things if I had reason to suspect something like drug use or something like that. I would hope that by the time my kid reached adolescence we'd have a strong enough relationship that they would come to me if they wanted to talk about something else, like sex or something going on at school. However, if it is something that could potentially get them arrested (drugs, underage drinking, weapons, what have you), I think it is responsible parenting to raid their room for things like that. There is a huge difference between searching a kid's room because you suspect he's on meth and snooping in your daughter's diary to see how far she's gone with a guy, you know what I mean?

Answer 3

The first step should be trying to sit and talk to them face to face. Your teenager needs to trust that you won't get agnry with them if they try something stupid. Part of life is experience. You should educate your child on what is wrong or right and trust that they are making the right decisions. The only way to make sure of that is to communicate with them on a regular basis. I'm not telling you to act like their best friend but let them trust in you.

You are a great parent for worrying about your teenager. So many parents don't pay attention until it is too late.

Answer 4

I try very hard to respect their privacy and to trust them. However, I have gone through their room and looked through their things only after something significant happened. It wasn't a secret and I told them I had and why.
Both times I was right for my concerns and found things that shouldn't have been there.
I can only say you've got to trust your gut. If you really feel that something is going on, then take steps. I'd rather apologize for being wrong that I had to not do anything and then something worse happen.
I have also taken my kids for drug testing, again only after something happened that made me think they might have been using. Luckily, I was wrong that time.
My kids were mad but deep down they know I love them and I am only doing it out of this love.

Answer 5

yeah, I'd probably do it if I already had a good idea something was up. But in the absence of a good reason to suspect anything, I wouldn't go looking for trouble. It's like they say, "be careful what you ask for...you might just get it."

If I found something that hit a hot button, like porn or drugs, I'd probably cadge it for myself and do a "wait and see" regarding the response. Does the kid confront me on it? Does he replace it with new stuff? the response tells me a lot about whether there is a big problem or it's just a mild one.

The degree of what I found would make a difference too. A Playboy or Penthouse...no big deal...Hardcore Gay BDSM bestial snuff porn? well, that would certainly be a huge deal. A little pot? so what...crack, meth, heroin, straight to rehab!!!

Answer 6

Yes, I think I will be one of those parents that goes through my son's things while I'm cleaning. Even the best of children can get off course and I want to be there...to correct whatever it is that needs to be corrected.
My best friend found cigarettes in her son's room, he's 14. She also found some 'girly' pictures. I would want to know about this behavior so I could educate him on the subject.

Answer 7

i think of it incredibly is nice. At 13 they are nonetheless a toddler and your responsibilty and actually the only reason a determine could bypass in the process the youngster's issues is to confirm each thing is okay. incredibly, little ones are the father and mom' responsibilty and if the youngster isn't sharing one hundred% then i don't think of there is something too undesirable approximately snooping, they are merely attempting to fill the hollow. My mom stumbled on my diary by hazard and that i HATED that. She examine it and have been given incredibly offended notwithstanding it did open her eyes and make her comprehend some stuff I hadn't been mushy with speaking to her approximately. base line in spite of the undeniable fact that - purpose for a relationship the place father and mom and young ones are trustworthy with one yet another and trusting to attempt to stay away from the could desire to snoop!

Answer 8

No, I wouldn't. I had a mom who did go through my things, and every time she did, I felt violated and angry and acted out. She actually thought I was on drugs, when actually in high school I narced on one of my good friends out of concern for them. My feeling: it's an inexcusable invasion of privacy and you can get the information in other ways. Plus, I had no respect for my mom afterwards - if she couldn't ask me and trust my answers and/or pay enough attention to see for herself from my (mostly good) behavior that I was and am a different person than that, my opinion was she wasn't doing a great job as a mom. For instance, I never once snuck out of the house, smoked or drank, tried drugs, missed or was late for curfew, etc. We get along okay now, but I'd never live with her again. It sucks to not be trusted when you're actually doing a pretty good job.

Answer 9

You have a legal right to do it, but you don't have a moral right to do it. I would not, unless I was 100 percent sure they were doing drugs. How about talking to your kids, and making sure they are making the right desisions.
So please, just sit your kid down and talk to them, at least once a week about the dangers that are out there. I am a kid, and even though I act like I don't pay attention when my parents tell me something, I really am paying attention, and am thankful they talked to me
I would be pissed off and angry if ANYBODY went through my stuff, that is my perosonal life.
So its best to just talk to your kid. But if you are almost certain your kid is doing something wrong, or you feel you have to, go for it, but only as a last resort.
EDIT:
As a mother, you are most likely very worried, but If you look through your kids things, they would be humiliated, so please don't. You also may find something you don't understand, or you may find something not necessarily bad, but private and humiliate them.
Peace-Ssspatzzz

Answer 10

well im 15, but my mother thinks its alright for her to be doing this even though she knows i dont have sex, do drugs or drink. she doesnt even knock on the door! she just goes through my room for no reason and gets rid of what ever she feels i dont need (when i was about 8 she got rid of a bunch of my TOYS!=( ) she also goes through my backpack, i also dont feel that that is acceptable eithor. children need their privacy just as much as adults do, and if you go through your childrens things, they will lose trust and respect for you...i wont even sleep over at friends houses anymore because im worried she will go through all my things and then throw some out.
i also dont think parents should be able to tell their children to clean their room, but thats another story