After watching my friend of 16 years die of cancer about 1 1/2 years ago at 38 years of age I find that life just doesn't make sense. I believe we all die when God intends us to die and there's no getting around that. All the talk people have of if only_______ had happened so and so wouldn't be dead to me is ridiculous.
However, since she died I have started to feel like we are just like a bunch of candles, The wind constantly blows and poof we're gone. Currently, I don't find the idea that we're going someplace else comforting. I hate watching CSI or any show that depicts and glorifies death. 80% of the shows we have on TV center around death and finding the "killer". I would like to be joyful again and enjoy life. I can't seem to find my way there. Sometimes I feel like I am just going through the motions.
2007-08-21 03:50:22 · 10 answers · asked by sophiasgr8 4 in Health ➔ Mental Health
you are going thru a common and predictable pattern of grief, and each of us takes a different time frame to get thru it. It might be of help to read "Death and Dying" by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross...she studied the entire issue surrounding death and came up with some remarkable findings and also offers sound and useable advice. Be kind to yourself..this will pass and life will once again be joyous.
2007-08-21 03:56:18 · answer #1 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Death of a friend or relative is hard no matter what the cause of death is, what their age, or how long they suffered with a disease if that was the cause of death. Belief of an afterlife in a better place helps some people deal with this world as they look forward to a time of no pain or suffering. Living in this world seems better if we find a way to help those less fortunate than we are, and there is always someone. Sometimes we feel like we are just going through the motions of daily life, but those days that we bring joy to others are the days that we find we are happiest. People who are constantly trying to make themselves happy are usually the ones who end up on the physchiatrist's couch or on antidepressants because they don't realize that true happiness does not come from trying to please yourself. You can have a grande house, the most expensive car, travel the world, have all of the "stuff" you desire, and still be unhappy. Need someone to help? Go to your local hospital or nursing home and volunteer. Taking a fresh glass of water to someone or just cleaning their glasses so they can see better will bring them so much joy, you won't believe it.
2007-08-21 11:03:35 · answer #2 · answered by P R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I.m so sorry you lost your good friend. At the moment you are still grieving for her.
If you are finding it difficult to copwe with your grief I would suggest you see a grief counsellor who will work through it with you. You could also join a bereavment organisation to talk to other people who are also bereaved and understand how you feel. You will meet new people and make friends.
As well as the sadness of old friends and family dying we also have the joy of new family members and must remember that children are our immortality.
In time you should start to feel better about life, but if you dont you may need a course of antidepressants to kickstart the seratonin in your system.
Try not to focus just on the death and dying part of life, but more on the birth and living side. You could do some volutary work for a cancer charity or some other charity work. The more you put into life the more you will get out.
Good luck, and I hope you start to feel better soon.
2007-08-21 11:07:47 · answer #3 · answered by bri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this the first person that has been close to you and died? When a friend of mine died last year, I had never experienced death. At first it was like a bad dream, and then I was mad, and then I felt guilty, "Maybe I could have done something.." and then ultimately sad, and then in fear. One day I too will be lying in that casket. You must not dwell on dying. We were placed here on Earth to live, dance, eat, and be free. Yes our day will come, but don't waste everyday in between anticipating it. The next step for you is acceptance. You will accept because you have no choice. Time is one of the only things that helps.
2007-08-21 11:12:50 · answer #4 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people take longer to cope with the death of a loved one or someone close. I lost my Mom will be 3 years this October and even though I was so very close to her I had lots of family support and a daughter to keep my mind off things though if left to think about it too long I will get down and discouraged. It will just take some time. You may benefit from having someone to talk to that has lost someone close to them. I hope you can learn to live life again and have joy in life.
2007-08-21 11:02:43 · answer #5 · answered by hsmommy06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes we are like candles but when we have a flame we can shine for others in that we can do Thy will. God wants up not to listen to shows on death and killing. You are right about that. Some show old movies for a higher entertainment. They are the best in the world. (Most of them show how life really is. My advice would be to avoid these modern movies except for comedies if its' done with good moral values.
2007-08-21 11:02:01 · answer #6 · answered by mary 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes time to mend after the death of a loved one. Eventually though, you do manage to get back into your life's rut.
I would suggest you look into some metaphysical classes. This would help you understand why your friend went through what she did, and why you are going through what you are going through.
We come into this life with a purpose. To learn something or to teach something, or even both. Once we have done what we were here to do, then we move on. If we do not accomplish what we were sent here to do, then we must come back and do it again.
As sad as it is to think, your friend came here to go through what she did. Perhaps it was to teach you something.
Check your local phone directory and see if there is a School of Metaphysics and look into taking some classes there. It might help you.
2007-08-21 11:01:44 · answer #7 · answered by anniebammy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are going thru is normal. I'd bet, however, that since so much time has passed, you don't have places to talk as much as you need. Seriously consider grief counseling. It will be the most helpful and constructive thing you could do.
2007-08-21 11:16:31 · answer #8 · answered by Alex62 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry yo hear your friend died. My friend died last month and i made a poem for his family and they loved it , I also have a i copy of it in my room . It helps because anytime i look at i remember the happy times.
2007-08-21 10:55:24 · answer #9 · answered by David K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you will benefit from reading this article on grief and loss and how to survive life's unexpected storms
2007-08-21 10:56:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋