How do you find faith again after someone close to you dies?

Question

After watching my friend of 16 years die of cancer about 1 1/2 years ago at 38 years of age I find that life just doesn't make sense. I believe we all die when God intends us to die and there's no getting around that. All the talk people have of if only_______ had happened so and so wouldn't be dead to me is ridiculous.
However, since she died I have started to feel like we are just like a bunch of candles, The wind constantly blows and poof we're gone. Currently, I don't find the idea that we're going someplace else comforting. I hate watching CSI or any show that depicts and glorifies death. 80% of the shows we have on TV center around death and finding the "killer". I would like to be joyful again and enjoy life. I can't seem to find my way there. Sometimes I feel like I am just going through the motions.

It should be noted that I am not angry with God, I know we all have to die sometime whether it be 8 or 80, I am not wallowing around feeling sorry for myself. I want to feel happier and alive again. This is like a post 9-11 feeling you go and do your thing but there's something just hanging over you. Life lacks the vitality it should have.

Answer 1

I struggled with this too the beginning of this year when my aunt died of cancer on Christmas morning. We watched her quickly go down hill and towards the end when she could not speak, eat, or move it was rough to watch. Someone who just years before was so alive and vibrant. Makes you wonder what God is doing. I have faith and I trust everything happens for a reason but it is still hard to process. Some days still it's hard for me to take in all that happened last year. I for one do not watch tv shows with a lot of killing and murders and what have you. Some people love that kind of stuff, not me. There is enough of that in the real world where we live but then to go home and watch in on tv is just too much for me. I want to take full advantage of the 1 life I have now and not be depressed when I turn on the tv. I like light, funny shows.
I certainly know where you are coming from concerning your loss. It is never easy to watch someone close to you die. But, we must have faith that one day we will all be together in Heaven and that that person is no longer in pain.
Blessings!

Answer 2

What you're feeling is normal and you'll continue to feel this way for a long time. Jesus is there to help you in these times if you let him. I know what it's like to loose a loved one, my 11 year old was struck and killed by a speeding driver and I suffered with depression, still do sometimes. It's not something you can forget, it will always be with you. Therapy helps, but you'll never forget, you'll never stop loving the person and you'll always hold that in your memory.

When you loose some one you love you do start to realize that life is very short and it can end at any time, any second. Don't loose faith though alot of people know what you're going through.

Just try to hang on to the good memories and remember her for who she was, not how she died, she wouldn't want that, she would want you to remember the good times, the sound of her laughter, the times you spent together and also that she loved you.

I'll pray for you and her and I hope that some day you'll be able to come to terms with this.

Answer 3

Look at it this way. Most of us don't know when we are going to die but since your friend had cancer she would have probably known how long she had before she would be gone. That would have given her the advantage of making things right with God. Since all of us will die one day the only thing that counts is whether we have made things right with God before death because resurrection is our only hope. No better words can be spoken than the ones spoken by the One who came to destroy death when He said, "I am the resurrection, and the life: he who believes in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live"(John 11:25). Jesus made this possible for us since He Himself went through it and got the victory over death even though His death was worse than any of us can go through not only in terms of physical pain but more importantly because He died without the assurance of resurrection so that we all might have that assurance.

Answer 4

I would like to suggest a few books to help you. One is the Purpose Driven Life and the other is Get out of that Pit by Beth Moore. I believe these books will help u with what u r going through.

Just remember we live in a fallen world. Ppl die and sickness happen but one day we will be reunited with our loved ones in Heaven. I will pray that God will send u the comfort u need. God Bless!

Answer 5

I feel your pain. When my grandma died, I was feeling the same way. My mother cared for her through her dying day. When my grandma died, she started blaming God and question her faith. After she sat down and prayed really hard, she accepted the fact that her mother wouldn't suffer in this world anymore. It's normal for you to feel this way and it's going to be hard after the death of someone close to you. Go into a private room, and start to pray. Ask God to help you heal and take the pain away. After that start to talk about your friend as if someone else is in the room. Talk about the good times and the best times you've had about your friend. This is a form of closure that helps me whenever I lose a loved one. I'm sure your friend wouldn't want you to be crying over her. I know everything will be alright for you. God Bless!!

Answer 6

Your problem isn't that you lost faith, but that you never had faith. You did not have a system of belief. You just sort of went about your life, and because nothing really bad had happened to you, or anyone you loved, everything was fine. Then soon as something you perceive as out of your comfort zone happens, then you begin to question, why.

The bible teaches that faith is the substance of things hoped for. For instance if you hope for a million dollars and play the lottery every week, then you must have faith that you will win, or you would not play. So that is faith in the lottery, because you hope you will win, therefore, you play.

The same is with people who believe whatever they believe. We have hope that Jehovah is God and will keep his promises, therefore, we live a life pleasing to him. Romans 8:24 & 25 says: "For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for what we see not, then do we with patience wait for it."

No man has seen God at anytime, yet we believe through hope that he is, and our faith is the substance of that hope.

Answer 7

The way you feel is normal after losing a precious life. My best friend was only 25 years old and was killed in a car accident in January. She left behind a 4-month old daughter and a fiance, my brother in law. I feared that death was around every corner for several months and still have a heightened awareness for death which is about to drive me frickin' crazy. I clung to my beliefs in God for awhile to get me through it but now I cling to R&S to get answers to some of my questions so I can stop worrying about it so darn much.

Answer 8

I can't tell you where to find faith again--I can only show you where to look.

Dear heart, what you are experiencing is not unique. And yet it is unique because no one else lost the exact same friend in the exact same way that you did. Your grief is personal and private, and always for your own loss.

Which is exactly ow it should be.

All I can tell you is that you are not wrong to feel the way you do. And if you had faith before, you have it still. When you're ready--and I can't tell you when that will be--it will show itself again. In the meantime, it will wait, patiently, in your own heart.

Which is where all faith ultimately resides. Blessed be.

Answer 9

Friend Don't feel sorry for yourself Or let hatered come in, I lost my wife after almost 22 yrs of marriage at the age of 37 & I watched her died in ICU on machinces for 304 days, At one time she had 13 IV bottles dripping in her. I don't feel sorry nor have hatred toward it, & It increased my faith in God, Because she had about 35 doctors come in & every doctor said she has so much wrong with her that she should have died on day one, But yet they all knew there was a higher power keeping her alive.

Answer 10

Our lives truly do hang in the balance, love...Don't watch the shows that denegrade life or death...It is satan in this world that has caused all the evil, the diseases, the pain and suffering we are experiencing right now. If I told you what I was going through, you would't believe me..but I can tell you this:..My Father in Heaven, always solves my problems for me,....and comforts me in times of great depression...when I am down, I can always call on My Father through Jesus,..and know that my life is in Their hands...and your's is also...You will find joy again...your friends death is new, and your friend no doubtedly wouldn't want you to be sad right now...thiink of how you would want your friends to be..life never promises us a rose garden...live life to the fullest, because you never know what tommorow brings...and have faith in God and Jesus, that whatever lies ahead,...is just what They want for you...