Should a boss be able to get ahold of you by cell phone after hours?

Question

My wife has a very important job as assistant and accountant to the boss of a construction company and shows houses on occassion but that is not her job. She works out a way the people can get into the house. But she comes home from work and we sit down to eat and he calls to ask her about something on her cell phone. He is much older married 2 kids.
Devoted husband and father. I doubt there is anything sexual going on my wife is pure as the driven snow. She has very high moral standards. So it is not being jealous, I don't think?
But then they talk and it is my time, my space. Am I right to resent it? I told her turn the phone off when you get home?
She says I can't do that? why? Am i being unreasonable?

We make the same as far as wages, I am not hen picked. And I don't want her to lose her job. I guess today it is just a fact of life.

Her job is important to her and she figures out a way people who couldn't outher wise afford a home of their own to be able to purchase one. They are low cost and for those people who have a hard time getting into a house.
I understand that is important work.
which requires around the clock work.
But I still resent it.

Answer 1

You are being unreasonable.

Someone who works stocking shelves would be reasonable to find it unacceptable if their boss called them on their off time. But there are some jobs that require this type of "on call" behavior. It sounds to me like your wife has one of those jobs. Most jobs that would require a boss to sometimes contact their employee during "off hours" will be salaried. They are salaried because of the fact that it is understood that work will not always be a 9 to 5 thing.

The fact that she seems to understand and accept when her boss calls makes me believe that he is being reasonable in the amount of times that he calls. In other words, when he does call to interupt, he has a good reason. He isn't abusing his authority by calling too often.

It's good that you trust your wife. "pure as the driven snow" isn't something that can be used to describe many people! Appreciate her, and be thankful that you have a wife you can trust. I'm sure she'll deal with her boss if he ever does start calling too often...

Answer 2

It is quite obvious that your wife has an important job, and you understand the importance of what she has to do. With that being said, it is not unreasonable to be irritated by these constant interruptions to your home life. Perhaps a few changes to the way things are currently done could help her to still perform her job duties satisfactorily and also lead to more happiness in the home. If your wife would speak with her boss and make arrangements to turn her cell phone to silent and leave it in the other room when she sat down to dinner, and to make this time special each day, with the understanding that she would immediately return any missed calls once she was finished with the meal, even this minor change might have a major impact on your outlook. I'm sure it would help her stress levels as well - for me, there's nothing worse than being interrupted in a meal!

Answer 3

I think you ought to ask, in a non-accusatory way, what she's talking to the guy about after he calls. Like, he calls in, they chat and then afterwards, you say, "So, what's going on now? Anything interesting?" And see if you get details. If you get vague "oh, nothing really - just work stuff." Then you say, "Hey, I'm interested - what kind of work stuff? New house? What?"

If she gives you a detailed specific answer without getting upset, like, "Oh, it's boring but there's this family and they were looking for a new house but couldn't afford it. Well Mr. Boss is still at the office trying to work through the financing and he just had a question about .......[specifics]"

If she is giving you vague answers -- brushing you off, etc. Then you need to look up her cell phone bill and start tracking these calls. See how much time she is spending on them and if any calls are coming at REALLY inappropriate times - like the middle of the night. And check her email accounts too, to make sure. You don't have to accuse her, but like Reagan said, "Trust - but verify."

If it turns out that all the calls are truly legitimate calls for work purposes and they are not overly frequent, then live with it. If, however, it is a constant thing - then you need to find out if they are non-important "can wait until tomorrow" type calls. If there is a barrage of after hours calls that are less than important, then I would do something about it.

Answer 4

It is perfectly normal for you to resent your wife eating into family time by taking business calls at home. I hope your wife appreciates that you feel that way.

You have said it is round-the-clock work. So you seem to recognize the necessity of your wife taking calls. What you do need to do, though, is to keep time for yourselves (and children if you have them). My wife and I have a regular "date" every Saturday. It might just be a video or the TV with a pizza, but we take time for each other. (We are both in school and are busy weeknights even when we are home.) I like the answer that suggested a cut-off time. That is not unreasonable in the slightest. If her boss needs an answer so that he can call a client back, he is not going to be able to do so after a certain time, realistically.

You need to fnd a way of talking to your wife about this. You have been given a few good suggestions. You know your wife better than any of us. Pick one that you think will work on her.

Good luck with this.

Answer 5

Since she works so close to her boss all day long and has important duties it is important for her to have a good communication with her boss. She might have tasks to do for her boss that can be handled from out of the office so she needs to be available to talk to after hours which means her turning off her cell phone could lead to trouble for her with her boss. Don't get in the middle of her job, but at the same time she should tell her boss that she is trying to have dinner and if she can call him back when she is finished. That would probable be okay so ask her if she can at least let her boss know that she wants some time away from her duties at work to enjoy supper and after she is finished she will help with whatever he needs.

Answer 6

Once she gets home, she shouldn't be getting work calls. However, it seems that she is in a very high position in that company, so she probably needs to get these work calls. You can limit that though! She can't turn her cell phone off the all of the time that she's not in work because she may need to be reached, however dinner time is a very special time where you can finally talk after being separated all day. So ask her to turn the cell phone off during dinner and later turn it back on just in case she needs to be reached

Answer 7

Sorry, but that is happening all the time nowadays. My husband got calls on vacation from his boss and some employees!! He is network guru and seems to be the only one with the answers. My son also gets calls from work when he is at lunch and his day off, and he is on the clock and resents it but my husband said its becoming the norm.
Many bosses rely on their assistants and accountants, because they are forgetful or don't know where things are.. aside from that if she is a salaried employee many companies call you day or night. There is no overtime so they don't have to pay any extra to break up your home life.
You just have to understand and be patient its a bummer I totally understand what you are saying and you have the boy/girl thing going on but I am betcha he just doesn't know what to do and she does.. its as simple as that!

Answer 8

You're not being unreasonable, but her boss is. Unless he pays her for the actual hours she works (and I KNOW he's not), he has no business expecting her to be at his beck and call.



1. Let her quit this job once she finds another (which would be hard, considering she's supposed to be available 24/7.)

2. Have her renegotiate her contract. She needs to keep a record of every call after hours. She also needs to keep track of anything else that isn't specifically mentioned in her contract. Then, she needs to schedule a meeting with her boss. If he isn't willing to pay her for her time after taking advantage of her sweet personality for so long, then he doesn't deserve to have her as an employee. He may own the business, but it's not her problem that he is too disorganized to keep track of his company.

3. She needs to suggest he get a personal assistant other than her. She needs to be able to prove it would be worth his while to have someone else at his beck and call so that she can handle his accounting without being distracted from her work.

4. She thinks she has no choice but to answer her boss's calls because she is afraid of losing her job. She is his "assistant", after all. I have worked in accounting, myself, and it is not exactly easy to handle accounting plus being an assistant. What he is doing is taking advantage of her good nature.

Your wife's boss doesn't know how to prioritize. He thinks every question he has is too important to wait. If you can't handle your wife working way too many hours for this guy because he's constantly calling with ridiculous requests that can easily wait until the next day, then you need to tell your wife that. If she will not listen, go to marriage counseling. If she can't see the damage she is doing to her relationship with you by being at this jerk's beck and call, then you'll just have to have a third party point it out to her. If she refuses to confront her boss (which I am sure she will. Only a doormat would go through what she is going through.), then you'll have to insist she quit. NO JOB IS WORTH LOSING YOUR MARRIAGE OVER. She needs to know that and she needs to hear that you are not going to live with this anymore. She needs to choose. You and your marriage, or her "job" which is getting in the way of your relationship.

Answer 9

Depends on how much her job is worth, is she hourly? or salary? If hourly, then a rare phone call to ask a quick question might be ok. If salary, you work until you are done. If it is minimum wage, go on down the road. If it's good money, then you have to decide what is more important.
But in general any higher level job comes with the understanding that you have to be available at most times.
Stop being a jerk about it , and support her.

Answer 10

Tell her to ask her boss to keep the calls from 4-8PM, after that they will be off, and she will be unavailable.

Sounds like your wife carries a lot of the office time for the boss man - he needs her input on many things.

Just tell her to be compensated for that time on the phone.

It doesnt seem like the tye of job where she needs to be in constant contact , but maybe she wants to take the job to the next level and get in the field and make real money.