How do I deal with my mother-in-law?

Question

What is the best way to tell my mother-in-law that her child rearing advice is not only unwanted but wrong? I don't want to be too harsh because I think she means well but I don;t know how else to get through to her. Thanks

Keep in mind that she has 6 children all raised in the 60's and 70's....a lot has changed since then. And, they are all screwed up. Why would I want to take advice from someone who couldn't even raise her own children right?

My husband refuses to do anything so it's up to me

She drank during her pregnancy with my husband which has left him with VERY SERIOUS anger issues...so yes, he is included in the screwed up thing

Answer 1

Its very hard my mother in law was the same when i had my first child and was telling me to do this and do that , your just going to have to say it to her but in a polite way ,just say look .... i am glad of all your help but how am i going to learn when you keep telling me what to do , thanks for all the advice but id like to do it my own way . this worked with mine but if all else fails your just going to have to tell her straight LET ME DO IT MYSELF.
mother in laws , most are a pain in the ar*e.

Answer 2

wow, I am very sorry to hear this. I am actually going through roughly the same issues as yourself (unwanted child raising and my religion is better than yours issues) drives me nuts but I feel you on this one. Here's what I have done. Do your best to "keep the peace" and try to have as open a line of communication as possible. I'm not telling you to like the woman or any of that just realize that she is a grandparent to your child and has a right to see the child. If your husband disagrees he needs to tell you about this and he needs communication as well. One thing I realized is that this is a MIL issue and an in-law issue for me but it was also a communication issue with my husband that we were lacking as a couple. If we would communicate our feelings with each other and our families we would not be in the pickle we are in now. I suggest you get some more outside opinions and even suggest to your husband that he speaks to his mom about this, he knows her best and doesn't want to hurt her or you, but he is caught in the middle. It will get better if you say something but be strong, kind and have your thoughts together if you choose to do this yourself. Good luck and I wish you the best

Answer 3

So What exactly are you saying about your hubby? All screwed up? Wow, well, he's obviously alive still and you find him to be a suitable mate, so how exactly isn't your own judgement screwed up?
Just let her give advise. Doesn't mean you have to follow it.
Wait a minute, you blame her drinking for his anger issues? I this verified by a doctor? If not, I'd re-examine where you put the blame. He is responsible for his own actions now. He is a grown man. I'd love to blame mommy or daddy for how messed up my life is. However, I as a grown man decided to rise above all else, and put together a good life for myself. It wasn't easy, and I could have just shifted blame. But there's no dignity in that.
I'm not being harsh, but you must understand, that with him, you also get his family. You get his past. The only influence you have on is together, you make your own future.
Having kids, I hope he can control his "anger issues".

Answer 4

your husband's anger issues are likely the result of his childhood, and issues which he has not come to terms with, or taken the time to learn to cope with -- drinking during pregnancy is dangerous, yes... but if your husband has not gotten the help he DESERVES, maybe he could consider it.

meanwhile, your mother in law won't shut up... so don't count on it. i'm sure she means well, like you said...

i suppose you could let her know that while you understand she's trying to help, you don't need advice unless you ask for some.... you can be kind about it... then just drop it and ignore her suggesions for the duration!

hopefully she will get the message and mind her own business.

take care.

Answer 5

Talking to her would be like talking to a brick wall. Rather then prove her advise wrong and since it is unwanted I would let it go in one ear and out the other. In the end do what you feel is best for your child. I would thank her if she confronts you but say you think her way is good but think your way is better for you.

Also your husband is a grown man and is responsible for his actions you can't go through life blaming his mother

Answer 6

Mother/daughter -in-law r/ship is very sensitive, but as a mature woman you dont need to be harsh,you need to politely talk to her, make her know that times have changed , what might have worked in the 60s & 70s chances are might not work in 2k7. try to be as subtle as possible without being offensive, get the message across.just know that she means well. Be the best you can as a mother.

Answer 7

First, you have two choices accept that she is naturally going to give you advice or not. Next, Just listen and be respectful and then do what you want with the advice. It isn't the advice that we get, it is what we choose to do with it that counts. You have to raise your children the way that is right for them, you and GOD and no one else here matters. Be kind to her and eventually she will back off and realize that you are doing a fine job without her input. By showing her that you respect her enough that you don't have to acknowledge her advice with any kind of answer will be enough. Not only that it keeps the stress level down for you. Even if you don't have any respect for her, it will make her find her respect for you.
god bless and good luck

Answer 8

if theyre all screwed up then why did you marry your husband? I dont really get on with my mother in law because her religion (jehovahs witness) doesnt really make her a nice person. But at the end of the day my mother in law is family and always will be so i put up with her. So should you

Answer 9

My M-I-L is the most selfish, manipulative, self centered person I have ever met. She is always there to offer unsolicited advise. Out of respect for my husband, I quietly listened to her and chose to do what I thought was best for my family. There was even a couple of times where I took her advise. There are some battles worth fighting for. I never felt her unsolicited advise was worth fighting with my husband.

Answer 10

Here is your best advice.......listen to Good Question!!!

I too have a controlling daughter-in-law with NO respect for her husband's family. Sometimes, YES, sometimes mother-in-laws do know best. Just because they don't agree with you doesn't make them wrong.

I will say my son insisted on some counseling and things have gotten better for us all. She didn't have much of a choice if she wanted to keep her husband.

Answer 11

Get a callerID and do not reply the cell. Best resolution. I used to have a kind of monster-in-legislation. Get rid of the husband and the monster-in-legislation went away. Voila! I do not know why can we must have a mom out legislation. They are extra drawback than valued at it. What are you able to do in the event you can not manage the in legislation? Some Christian are the phoniest humans on the planet.