A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" The ER physian grabs his stuff, rushes out to the cab, lifts the lady's dress, and begins to take off her underwear. Suddenly he notices that there are several cabs, and he's in the wrong one.
A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths," instructed the nurse.
"Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
2007-08-21 02:27:30 · 9 answers · asked by vixen xx 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
"Now your left." Again, a flawless read.
"Now both," I requested.
There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
A nurses' aide was helping a patient into the bathroom when the patient exclaimed,"You're not coming in here with me. This is a one-seater!"
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
"Which one?", asked the doctor.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see....Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
2007-08-21 02:28:33 · update #1
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
And of course, the best is saved for last....
A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.
The nurse asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
2007-08-21 02:29:02 · update #2
On form again :)
2007-08-22 00:19:15 · answer #1 · answered by Louis Junior. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
each one of those were funny and i hope u keep more coming. I got to get my friends to read these. lol
2007-08-21 07:09:23 · answer #2 · answered by katie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those are great. My wife is a nurse. I've got to forward them to her.
Star for you.
2007-08-21 02:37:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hilarious...I'll be forwarding this to all of my friends; especially my brother who's a doctor, he'll really appreciate it...Thanks :o)
Stars for you!!!!!
2007-08-21 02:39:30 · answer #4 · answered by city girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lol very funny.
2007-08-21 08:46:37 · answer #5 · answered by MiSs _L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very good and very very funny. xx
2007-08-21 02:38:03 · answer #6 · answered by juju-arlie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ha ha ha funny
2007-08-21 03:44:37 · answer #7 · answered by Luck dragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
great ones!
2007-08-21 02:42:33 · answer #8 · answered by just me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
veyr funny gave me a good laugh at work thanks
2007-08-21 02:37:46 · answer #9 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋