how do i go about searching for someone i have never met?

Question

i have decided that since i have had no help from my mother... including not giving me his name, how can i go about searching for the father i have never had?


i just want to know what he looks like... and maybe some family history... i just want to know.


any advice?

his name isn't on my birth certificate...
i don't live with my mother and we aren't really very close. she was only 19 when i was born and she just wasn't ready.

i have tried to approach her about it, but when i do, she gets angry.

i have my mother's maiden name and all of her information... but sometimes i worry that the reason she won't tell me is because she doesn't know.
i just want that family history... i don't want him in my life, i don't need to invite hurt. (plus i might have other brothers and sisters out there.)

Answer 1

Ask other siblings that might know, and ask her close friends. But keep trying to get that information from her until she tells you. Let her know why it is important to you.
It could also be that she is too embarrassed to tell you because she does not know herself. It happens.
-Good luck.

Answer 2

Is there anyone else who knows your mom who might know who your father is? Her mother, aunts, uncles, friends, etc?

If things ended badly with your mom and dad, then chances are she's talked about it with someone. Plus, her medical records probably have that information on it and in many states, the state welfare department requires her to seek child support and would force her to give his name. The problem is, those records are probably sealed and unreachable to you. You're best chance will be to quiz your mom's friends and family and try to enlist their help in filling in your family tree. If nothing else, insist your mother tell you why she won't give that information at least. It might be she's still very bitter and hurt about what happened between her and your dad and that's why she can't get over it enough to give you the information you want. If you're underage, she also might be afraid that your dad might come into the picture and steal your love from her. Most mom's adore their children a lot, even if they weren't ready to be moms. The thought of losing you might make her too afraid to say anything at all. There is also the chance that things went bad for something she did wrong and she doesn't want to expose her shame to you in that regard.

I know....a lot of 'ifs', isn't it? It's going to take a lot of digging on this one, but you can get the info if you keep searching.

Good luck.

Answer 3

There are many reasons why your mother has not told you his name, perhaps she was even a rape victim and does not know his name herself. If she has taken care of you all of her life, you owe it to her not to stir up old bad memories. He may have been a married man and did not want to break up his family - give him a break too. I realize it is hard not to know for sure, but that is what happens in life to many peoples life. You may seek this name and identity forever because it is hard to know what really happened. Perhaps you could have a serious talk with your mother, who is going to be hurt thinking that you even want to know. She might think that you do not love her enough, or even that you do no appreciate the sacrifices she has had to make because of you. And believe it or not, she HAS made sacrifices. She does not want to lose you now. If you want to continue this search, do so, but avoid hurting those that love you the most.

Answer 4

She may also not tell you because she wants something better for you.

He might have been or is a total bum and you are better off Not knowing who he is.

Lets not always assume that because they don't tell you, that they are trying to be mean.

My mother never really told me the reason behind my dad leaving, even tho I asked over and over, because he was a total loser and didn't want to be married anymore nor raise a family. She didn't want me to go thru my life hurting more than the day he left.

So, Your mother might have a good reason as to why she doesn't tell you...

Answer 5

There is a place called depaul trust that helps young people find there family's for no cost what so ever here is the number 01612320604 but think first I found my family and realised I didn't want to get to know them. Or you can try the electrol register that has a list of everyone.

Answer 6

I know that it is going to be very hard for you, but you really should respect your Mother's wishes. That is apparently a part of your Mother's life that was very hurtful and you not accepting her request is probably making things very difficult for her.Stop thinking about yourself and consider her wishes. Some day a family member may give you some information.

Answer 7

the best thing I can see to do is looking into the old pictures that have been saved over the years, either being placed in old boxes a trunk. in any place such as that. I know that if anyone one was involved in her life, people tend to take pictures of them and save them as for memory of those times. so there should be some.



but if your mom' becomes angry, there may be a good reason. you need to approach this in another way. do not come straight out and ask her. but please take in mind, you may not like what you may find out. it could have been that she may have been, raped, drunk there can be many things such as this.

also some guys tend to lie and give a girl a fake name. they do this in tent to just get what they want. then never to be seen again. this is to keep people from finding them. in a case such as if, she became pregnant. they can escape.

this happen a lot, but these days people never tend to talk about things like this. I guess, because now there are so many other bad things around to worry about.

for example: say you went on a vacation with your, Mom. you met some guy in another State or any place. the chances are, they know you are not from around there. so they tend to give you a fake name. not just that, but just about everything they will tell you will be a lie. so to never leave a trace that will lead back to their real, way of life.

what, I am trying to say, is there are so many things that this could be. so, please take into consideration, that something like this could have, happen to her. and the reason, she gets angry is not because she does not want to tell you, but it can be she does not know where or who, he really was herself. So' that makes her angry.

so, in a situation such as this, take your time. never rush her. and tray to be around her a lot to become close. she may some day, open up and tell you what has happen. that is if she is not to ashamed to do so. but remember, your Mom is only human. so, thoughts of something that could have been bad to her, may be something she will never want to talk about.

but also, keep in mind. it may have to do with your age. she may feel that you should be older to hear about something such as this. but as I said, there could be any number of things. I wish I had more to go on, so' to give you a better answer, but this is the best I can tell you, from the information.



Take Care,

Answer 8

wow thats going to be rough, maybe ask another family member or friends of the family for a name?

Or realize your mother probably knows what she is doing and leave it alone.

or.. you could try talking to your mom and telling her you are getting older, are wise enough to make mistakes and choices and this should be your choice, also it would be helpful to have a heath history incase you ( god forbid ) get sick or want to have kids or something.

Answer 9

Do you have a name?? Try

http://www.whitepages.com/
http://www.zabasearch.com/

Do you have a birth certificate?? It should have your fathers name on it.
Is there any family members you could ask?? Do you know of any friends who knew your mother about the time you were born??
Good Luck.

Answer 10

just talk to your mom [softly] and tell her that if she really love you then give you that right [as every child have] to know who your biologically father is......look deep in her eyes as you ask and you might see that this hurts her as well.....if this don't work go to your grand mother or grand father and etc. until you find what you're looking for......
but keep in mind this one thing.......
will it make things better? or will it open a can of worms that will tare your mom and family apart?
alot of things to figure......
best to your search.......