My boyfriend is in the navy and we live in different states, so I only get to see him about once a month. Anyway, I am visiting him now we start having a bit of an argument about a bunch of dumb stuff. He then brings up that I keep dropping subtle hints about wanting to get engaged and he wants me to stop. We agreed that we would get engaged in August because he is leaving for Iraq in Oct. Anyway, I told him that I already resolved within myself that we probably wouldn't be getting engaged this month and he responds with "What if I told you your ring is in this room right now?" I said Ididn't want to talk about it anymore. He goes over to his bag and takes out a ring and says this is your engagement ring. So I am looking shocked and I said "This is not how this is suppose to be" and he says "Yea I know, it's messed up" and then he puts the ring away. So here's my question, he showed me the ring, but still hasn't proposed and I am leaving tomorrow, what is he waiting on???
2007-08-21 02:09:47 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
And by the way, I did not pressure him into this. He is the one that planned the engagement timeline and everything else. The subtle hints he is talking about are, for example, if we drive by a jewelry store he'll point it out and I'll say "Do you want to stop" and he'll say "no thank you". So it's not like i'm nagging him about being engaged. He teases me about it.
2007-08-21 02:57:12 · update #1
Grrrrrrrrrr it's girls like you that really piss me off! He is trying so hard to be a good boyfriend and you are never satisfied. Wake up! Sometimes the situations delay things from happening what you want to happen. HE WANTS IT TOO! But to keep nagging him about it, even if it is subtle, just makes him feel sad that he can't give you everything you want, even though he truly wants to.
You need to realize that he is GOING TO IRAQ and he is waiting to engage because it really is the best thing to do FOR YOU in this situation. You are really giving him a hard time when he's already under enough stress I'm sure! (He's going to war!!). I'm sure the only thing he is thinking is that he doesn't want to propose and then something happen in Iraq... and then you will be even more sad.
He sounds like a nice guy... and you sound, well... a little bit not nice.
2007-08-21 02:15:02 · answer #1 · answered by Matt 3 · 14⤊ 3⤋
You were pressuring him too much. And he responded to the pressure by showing you the ring yet refusing to propose. It was wrong of you to keep pressuring him. And it was a passive-aggressive mindgame for him to show you the ring w/o proposing.
In any case, he's not ready to get engaged. Perhaps he thinks you two don't get along wel enough, or thinks getting engaged would be caving in to pressure. Or perhaps concerns about his upcoming deployment are overshadowing wedding plans.
2007-08-21 04:45:04 · answer #2 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I hope you're happy. You nagged and pushed him, and dropped "subtle hints" so this is what you get for it. You ruined it for yourself, and for him. But, it'll make a good story to tell people about how you got engaged, even if he is still willing to bother asking you. You ruined it.
What is he waiting on? Probably the fastest plane to Iraq he can find, I would hope.
Edit: Now you're saying that you aren't nagging, and that he's "teasing". In your original paragraph you said "he wants you to stop" dropping hints, so how else do you want us to respond? It still stands though, that you ruined the moment, or soon-to-be moment with your negativity.
2007-08-21 02:25:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You two seem like nice people. If you really are in love, stop being desperate.
If he doesn't love you or want to marry you, putting on the pressure will not make him love you or want to marry you.
On the other hand, if he does love you and wants to marry you, presssurizing him may just push him away. No girl should force a guy to marry her. In the end you'd both hate each other.
2007-08-21 02:36:17 · answer #4 · answered by naijachic 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After all of that you still haven't learned your lesson? Leave him alone and back off. My goodness. He even told you to stop pushing him. It sounds like you have put enormous pressure on him, which is never they way to get engaged. Being proposed to should be something he does on his own, not something you force him to do. If you do then he will always throw it back in yout face that you made him propose.
2007-08-21 02:21:28 · answer #5 · answered by Luv2Answer 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Put yourself in his shoes for a minute.
Would you want to give an engagement ring to someone bugging you about getting the ring and so focused on "when you will you propose to me"
Don't you think you are giving him just a little bit of pressure, especially when he's under a lot of pressure.
Guys need to feel that they are in control of the situation, especially on a proposal. They want the time to be right and to show you that they want to be married to you, not just pushed into it.
He's reassuring you that he wants to marry you, but his comment shows that the argument ruined it for him.
I know because that's how I got my engagement ring. My husband (then fiance) kept getting bugged by me that he was so angry at being pressured that he dumped the ring in my lap and said "here you go, I had a different way of proposing, but I'm tired of hearing you go on and on about it"
It definitely ruined the effect (he had proposed to me several months before but could not afford the ring at that time).
So, please for the sake of your memories and if you feel he is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with,
give him the space you need to have a wonderful proposal.
He loves you and has done everything he can to prove he wants to marry you. Just give him his space to propose to you in a way that is meaningful.
Even if it means that he will wait until he returns. Pray and support and love him. Show him that you are willing to wait for his timing on something this important to him.
By doing this, you show him that HE is more important to you than the engagement ring.
2007-08-21 02:21:44 · answer #6 · answered by Searcher 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Your pressuring him too much. This is a major decision in his life and he just wants time to figure out how to do it. But you probably didn't help with the argument. Maybe he will make you wait until he returns from Iraq
2007-08-21 02:31:58 · answer #7 · answered by ablockgurl 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
For you to grow up and start acting more mature, he should have never shown you the ring, he to has messed things up too. Why the rush for the ring?? You need to focus on the big picture here acting more mature, getting your act together.
2007-08-21 02:20:11 · answer #8 · answered by kim t 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
He is either waiting for a better time to propose or he may be having doubts because you two are having problems or because he is feeling pushed into it. If he is pushed into it he may regret the whole thing and that is not what you want---right?
2007-08-21 02:28:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry to say, but he has doubts abt marrying you. That's pretty mean that he would show you a ring. That's just cruel. I think this guy has some issues himself. Maybe going to Iraq is scaring him which is understandable. Whatever it is, decide if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. If it is, then have a heart to heart talk with him abt both your needs and expectations.
2007-08-21 02:15:01 · answer #10 · answered by Sunny 3 · 4⤊ 3⤋