My boyfriend is too jeaulous. What can I do about it?

Question

He keeps creating situations in his mind and starts fighting about what I might do in a situation like that...
I never gave him any reason to be jealous. He keeps inventing stuff about me and other people and makes it even difficult to stay in touch with people in a formal way, because he suspects any other male to put me into trouble... Even when I am talking to people in a professional way at work, he keeps assuming things.... what can I do to convince him, that he can trust me? How could I make him relax and take it little more easy? ...after all it is only normal to TALK to people...otherwise how could one live?

@ nilesh kul:

Sorry, couldn´t figure out what you were telling me. Can anybody explain please?

Answer 1

I had a friend that went through the exact same thing as you, she gave her boyfriend and ultimatum and said...

"I'm not telling you how long you have, maybe two days, two weeks or two months; if you don't fix this problem of yours permanently we are done because this is far too childish for me to waste my time with and it's adding extra stress in my life that I do not need."

They are married now (this whole problem happened three years ago at least) and I haven't heard a peep about his insecurities since he was given the ultimatum. (I also think some insecurities are normal for a beginning relationship.) He literally transformed himself because he wanted and loved my friend so much.

I'm not saying it will be the same way for you, but give it a try. And if things don't seem to improve with him after a decent (but not too long) amount of time please don't be afraid to dump him because there is a better guy out there for you!

Good luck!

P.S. It takes time to trust someone and you can't make someone trust you, but if it's been like two years for the two of you, something, and I think you know what it is, has to be done.

Answer 2

What you can do about is to stop putting up with up. His fantasies of infidelity are his problem and you should refuse to even hear about it. All behavior is motivated: maybe the motivation is crazy or stupid, but there is motivation. If your BF didn't get some kind of "payoff" from his behavior, then he wouldn't behave that way. You have to eliminate the payoff.

Don't bother trying to find out whether the payoff is the fight, the kiss and make up after the fight, the sexual fantasy of you with other partners, or what. Forget that, you aren't his Psychiatrist! Just end it as soon as he initiates its, never progressing to the point of payoff. Refuse to talk about it, fight about, to react to it, to become involved with it at all.

"Darling, you should become a writer with that imagination -- but I'm just not in the mood to be a character in your story tonight. Let's talk about something else."

"Sweetheart, this sort of talk always leads to unpleasantness. We're not going to have this conversation."

Of course, his attraction to you may be based on getting "the payoff" rather than on your personal charms. If so, be prepared for him to leave you for a girl who WILL give him his payoff.

Answer 3

I am 38yo. I have been in many realationships, and a few like the one you are describing. Your boyfriend is insecure and controlling. Nothing you will do will ever change him. This is his problem. He tells you those things because HE has issues with controll, intamacy and self esteem. The only thing that will change him is ALOT OF TIME to grow up. The best advice that can be given to you is Break up with him. What you are going through is called Mental abuse and that WILL turn into PHISICAL abuse. Dont think it wont. Let this situation be a lookiong glass into what your future with him will be.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like he is either guilty of his own actions or is just being a real jerk. I personally would get rid of him and let someone else put up with the mental stress he is causing you. Because before you know it, no one will want to talk to you incase he starts accusing them of ill thoughts. You only live once, and should make the most out of your life. You can only try to console his thoughts for so long before it brings you down also.

Answer 5

If you have given him a chance to see that you are trustworthy and he still does not trust you, then you need to drop him. He cannot put his issues on you. You will be better off without him. Trust is the most important thing when in a relationship.

Answer 6

You cannot convince him because he has already made up his mind and he is not willing to change it. Its over.
Lots of times the overly suspicious types are the ones doing the cheating!

Answer 7

RUN ! Run as fast as you can away from him. YOU will never be able to change him and nothing you can do will change him either. It is possible for him to change himself but you urging him will only make it worse.

What good is a boyfriend, or worse, husband who never trusts you and will begin to confine you to his presence?
Get yourself out of his space and make new friends. There are many very eligible young men out there looking for nice girl friends. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

hai friend, it is very common that if any body loves you so much it will happen, about u r friend i think he loves u very much and he want that from u also....
it is very common .......... my suggestion is that you express your self about what u r thinking about him and how important he was for u..

i feel that it is on your hands only, if u express your feeling on u he will never do this kind of thinks again...

it is very simple problem dont make it big.. solve as early as possible and remember one thing that geting people who loves u is not easy .....

take sometime and talk to u r friend and also tell u r problem also .........ALL THE BEST

Answer 9

Well if you gave him no reason not to trust you then why is he acting like this? I would say that you need to tell him that you are basically walking on egg shells around him and you do not want to live your life like that.

Answer 10

TURN AROUND KICK HIM IN THE *** AND MOVE ON IF HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOUR LIFE NOW AND GIVE YOU YOUR SPACE THIS MAN WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE I MEAN EITHER HE IS JEALOUS ABOUT YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS WHICH IS WHY HE HATE IT WHEN YOU TALK TO GUYS SHOWS HOW INSECURE HE IS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP!!IF YOU REALLY ARE SMART ENOUGH AND KNOW TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE I SAY MOVE ON GIRL FOR SOMEONE WHO RESPECT YOU AND YOUR PRIVATE SPACE!!