Do you have to have children to be an expert on parenting?

Question

What is your opinion on this?

I notice that some of the people who hold themselves up as parenting experts aren't actually parents themselves. For example, Gina Ford. There are also some people on Yahoo! Answers who regularly give detailed advice on subjects such as parenting and co-sleeping, but aren't actually parents.

Do you have to be a parent to really understand these issues? Or is it possible to gain expertise through working with children alone?

Answer 1

I hold a B.S. in in child psychology, and a M.S. in counseling, I worked for six years as a preschool teacher and three years as a nanny. I thought I knew everything there was to know about babies and toddlers. But being a parent is a totally different experience. I think you must have your own children (by birth, adoption or marriage) to understand parenting. It is all too abstract until you are willing to die for that child.

However sometime a little distance is important to gain perspective - on issues like discipline and development. However, I do love the natural labor fanatics who have never felt one contraction, or the co-sleeping advice from people with nothing but peaceful, restful nights. Too conceited.

Answer 2

People can educate themselves in any subject and just because you don't have your own children you can have experience of them like if you work in childcare, where they experience lots of different children and situations, more than the average parent!
Saying that, I am a parent and also have the knowledge learned as a Nursery Nurse working with children aged 2-5.
I have 3 if my own and think there is nothing like common sence when it comes to children, some of the 'new' ideas on child rearing are a bit silly, like not using the word naughty. And that is something you just pick up as you go along, so doing it 27/7 like I did means you get invauable experience!
I think I would have the edge over someone without children.

Answer 3

I really don't think any one is a expert when it comes to kids becasue their is such a wide range of things.

With that being said, I think that people can study children and do research on kids but....... I think you really only know how things really are by parenting..

I think issues are very different for someone that learns about a colicky baby than the parent that has lived through it.

As a parent I can tell you how my child reacted to this or that, and how I felt on this or that versues someone saying this is what a book tells me or what I learned in school.

Knowledge is good but having the experience in the department says alot more.
Just my opionion........

Answer 4

I work with children and yes had loads of training.
A lot of which is commensense. But I really feel
that you have to be a parent to fully understand,
because when you do have children you have a
different view.
I personally would not take advice on someone who is not a
parent. How can they possibly know what its like when your up in the night because yr little ones' teething or simply does not want to go to sleep?
I think a lot of people would be upset over my answer, but
there again when they become parents - they will know.
Arry2002. - You are an exception as you ARE in a parental
role. Well done to you cos its not easy is it. More so for you
cos you took on two roles. Minxy.

Answer 5

I think the reason that some non-parents make good child experts is that they can stand back emotionally from parenting problems.

As a parent it is impossible not to be emotionally involved and so you can be easily manipulated by your children or make critical decisions when you are upset or distressed.

If you love your children it is easy to be over-protective when you should be 'letting go' and it also easy to let children do something which they shouldn't because you just can't say 'no'.

Most people have probably observed parents, either strangers in public or our friends, and thought 'that's just not the way to handle that situation'. It's so different when it's not your child having a tantrum in the supermarket.

Answer 6

I have no children and firmly believe that there is no such thing as an expert on partenting.

You can be an expert on parenting your own child and have some ideas which may be suitable and effective on other children. But I dont believe you can be an expert on parenting regardless of if you have a child of your own or not. Every child is different and none follow any hard and fast rules.

Answer 7

Personally, I'd take the advice of an actual parent over a child expert any day.

I think child experts do have some good advice, and know the facts about childrearing. But parents know the feelings that go along with it. For example, its all well and good to say to get your child to sleep through the night, you have to "let them cry it out". But us actual parents know its a form of torture to have to hear your child screaming all night, so they may have some more soothing ways to go about this. Or at least ways for the parents to cope better!

Answer 8

A person can gain expertise having not done something but it is rather difficult to do so in parenting since it is such a complex set of events. In general people who are not parents should not attempt to give parenting advice but there are some who through being around good parents have learned more than a few things.

The problem with parental advice is you are spitting at the ocean. Children are very different depending on genetics, environment and how they've been raised to that point. What works with one may be an abject failure with another. Most generic advice isn't worth the time it took to say/write it. I also have great disdain for many of the "experts" theories on parenting. I've seen parents following that advice wind up in deep trouble with their parenting. Often losing all control over their children. I've had the pleasure of raising multiple children at various stages of life under very different circumstances.

What I do seems to work. They have all been happy and well adjusted children after I've had a chance to get them set on a good path. Even still I have a small sampling to go on. I have my own children and step children I've raised as well as second hand experience watching how friends and others around me interact and raise children. There are some general concepts that seem to hold true with all children. Consistancy for example. Children want a consistant environment. They want to know what to expect and need to know where the boundries are. They WILL test those boundries from time to time. What those boundries should be however varies from child to child. That is why such high level advice is really not all that useful in practical parenting.

A huge part of my success has been to treat each child according to their needs and spend a great deal of effort keeping up with those needs and understanding them. Some are obvious like food and sleep. Children of course need to be loved. Others are far more subtle. I noticed my step son couldn't see at a distance and that he was having headaches. So we had his vision tested and sure enough he needed glasses. This resolved some of the school problems he was having. After he started wearing glasses he remarked how could see the board now. No wonder he was struggling with some subjects. Some are much more difficult to ferret out but if you listen children will happily tell you what is going on. They just won't do it directly. They will lay out what they think are painfully obvious clues which are not so obvious to you. It's up to you to demonstrate the interest to dig at the right times and allow them their space at the right times. How do you teach that with a book? How do you learn that without actually doing it? More so how can you even understand such clues without knowing the specific child involved?

People are people and we truly are unique. Children are just little people. Any attempt to treat them generically just produces generic people, trouble or both. The experts seem to have lots of hard fast rules which are rarely how you treat any people. You can say thou shall not kill or steal but what about war, self defense or what if your starving? Hard fast rules sometimes just don't make sense. Instead goal based ideals do. There are almost always many ways to a goal. Some will work with some children, with others it takes a different approach and with most you have to blend many different approaches to teach a child a lesson they truly learn and internalize.

Each parent has their own strengths and weaknesses. If you don't acknowledge that parents themselves are unique individuals again your setting yourself up for failure. You have to play into your strengths and attempt to shore up your weaknesses. So again generic advice can often be harmful if applied with the shotgun approach. So called experts work from theory that often discards the invidivuality of those involved. They often preach concepts that have nothing to do with parenting thinking they are making a better world by embedding their political theories into young children but creating individual hells as their theories meet real life.

So the short answer is it's possible to give good advice not having been a parent but it's mighty difficult. Even being a parent it's sometimes very hard to give advice to other parents if you don't understand the dynamics and the people involved.

Answer 9

i,m single with 3 kids one i brought up on my own from birth.
i don,t think that there is such a thing as a child expert.
children are full of surprises and i don,t think that you can cover every situation that arises.
but being a parent you must have more experience then people without children.
i would always take the advice of a parent over someone that is,nt or someone that works with children.
normally people that work with children only cover one Field

Answer 10

I think that yes you do have to have children of your own (or bring up an adopted child or are a step parent etc) to be classed as an expert. I think that sometimes it does take a parent to know what is best, however some people who claim to be experts and do not have children can give some good tips, but they have probably leared them from other parents!