how do you stop the memories from ruining your life?

Question

i will get straight to it,i was abused as a child by my babysitter and it haunts me even now 17 years later(i was 3) every 1st time with a new guy i freeze and cry and the flashbacks of the screaming and the pain,i cant block it out.i am a natural lover,i love cuddles and affection i need love,im 1 of those annoying people whose life runs better when she has a fella,but it never goes anywhere because men wont wait for me to get confident and trust them MEN AM I ASKING TOO MUCH,ITS A FEW WEEK,WONT YOUR HANDS DO TIL THEN?

the justice system doesnt work,i contacted social services got my records on it there is nothing of any use,i wanted a meet up with the sick freak and they couldnt even arrange that
i have spent 4 years feeling like the dirty one every time i have to explain i may freak out and freeze and im sick of it

THANKYOU ALL SO MUCH,I TRULY NEVER KNEW SO MANY PEOPLE CAR ABOUT THIS STUFF,OVER ALL ADVICE IS GET HELP AND WAIT FOR MR RIGHT.GOD BLESS YOU ALL X X X

DIMPLES_ IT WAS A MAN NOT A WOMAN LOVE HE WAS A 16 YEAR OLD HIM AND HIS SICK FRIEND THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO HOLD ME DOWN AND ABUSE ME,I MAY NEVER HAVE CHILDREN BECAUSE HE MESSED MY INSIDES UP BEFORE THEY EVEN HAD A CHANCE TO GROW,I CAN NEVER GET HIS FACE OUT OF MY MIND DO YOU REALLY THINK I BELIEVE GOD IS THERE FOR ME? IT WAS ALL PART OF THE MASTER PLAN,THESE THINGS HAPPEN? WHY ANSWER QUESTIONS WHEN ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS FORGIVE HIM BE A BETTER PERSON TRUST GOD? thankyou for your advice but i will be ignoring it dimples

Answer 1

Hi, I'm not able to give an educated answer but any man worth his salt would wait as long as it takes, it's hardly suprising u freeze with a new guy and u shouldn't worry as when ur with the right man he'll stop hold u close and comfort you, you need to find a man who sees u as his whole world and not just a leg over, u sound lovely to me i'd love to meet a girl who didn't wanna hop on top of me straight away i'd have respect for them, I'm 26 and still aint found anyone special i've had 4 girlfriends in a year but I knew none of them we're right so walked away from them all, you should keep doing the same until u find the one, u owe it too urself to hold out and seek that special someone

x

Answer 2

If a guy isn't patient enough to wait even after you've explained everything to him, then he isn't worth it. I have painful memories, too (not as bad as yours) but I get through it by focusing on the good things. I tell myself that what happened, happened. That it's all in the past and I can't change it, all I can do now is make the best of what I've got and there are people out there that have it so much worse than me. And, of course, my true friends are here for me.

Answer 3

Abuse at any age takes time for fade into the background. I still have trouble trusting anyone, In truth the list of people I can trust I count on 1 hand...But it is possible and anyone worth anything will give you the time you need, and in my case pushed me to get professional help which did work. As relationships build and the trust levels go up things did for me at least get a whole lot better. I am still prone to short bouts of depression, but they are manageable now. You have been hurt in the most base way possible and you owe it to yourself to get rid of anyone who wants things too fast, but be upfront with them explain the situation and if they really do love you they will wait, if they wont wait get rid of them quick. You deserve better.

Answer 4

Hun, if I were you I would seriously seek counseling. That could help you resolve some of your issues. A man is not the answer to resolving your painful memories. Coming from experience, I know how abuse can haunt you.

But anyway, any man who does not understand that and want to wait for you is not worth your time. There are PLENTY of men out there who would be patient, caring, and understanding of your situation and THAT is the guy you want to find. Anything less is unacceptable!

Answer 5

I really feel for you, try to remember that you are a survivor. Have you ever had any kind of counselling to help you get over this? There are kind patient men out there who will wait until you are comfortable with them before pushing the physical side of things, you just have to find one. I know from my own experience this is easier said than done!! Many people who suffer this kind of abuse have a poor self image of themselves ( sometimes they don't realise it) If this is the case with yourself you could be subconsciously attracting the wrong kind of man into your life. My advice, for what its worth, is concentrate on your own self esteem, get support to help you deal with these horrible memories, can you talk to anyone in your family? I know it's hard, I function better with a man, I too enjoy cuddles etc, but I got involved with the wrong men. I am now 33, and have finally met a wonderful man who is willing to wait for me. Have faith it will happen. x

Answer 6

if a guy wont wait for you then he doesnt respect you. so let them go. maybe you need to talk to someone about this if you havent already. get everything out your system. just understand that you need to move on in life. do not keep dreading the past because it will only ruin and take over your future. know that these guys did not do anything your babysitter did. and that person is not in your life anymore. you grew up and learned a lot in time. good luck!

Answer 7

The first thought when I read your q. was get that babysitter
and take him to court. But you said that you have tried all
that and it does not work.
The only thing you can do is when you meet someone tell them straight away that it is gonna be a very special person
for you to love and trust them enough to give yourself to them.
If a man is not willing to wait for you, then he is not worthy of
you.
You will meet that special someone I'm sure. And that b'stard
will get what he deserves. I believe in what comes around
goes around. Good Luck. Minxy.

Answer 8

Have you tried asking your GP for details of abuse support groups in your area? I'm sure many of them would have frank, honest, sympathetic and experienced advice about how abuse survivors deal with sexual relationships.
If you explain your history to the man you hope to have a relationship with, and state clearly that you have difficulties with the physical side of things, any man worth the effort will try to understand and will wait.
If they don't, they're just not worth it. Look at it in a positive light - it's a good method of filtering out the time-wasting, sex-obsessed guys, and getting to the considerate, honest and understanding men you might want to have a future with.

Answer 9

you must FORGIVE your baby sister so you can go on with your life...as you say its been 17 years now. If you will forgive her you will have peace of mind. Throw your anger and be yourself...About the guys, dont be on a hurry you are still young and there is someone who is really meant for you. Dont look for someone who will take care of you...be strong and mature enough to face the obstacles in life. We all know that life is not that easy...ALWAYS ask guidance from God...

Answer 10

sweetheart, i know where you are coming from because i was molested from the time i was 4 yrs old until i was 17yrs old by my ex- step dad. the only reason it went on as long as it did is because i was scared of him. i know what you mean about the flash backs and the trouble with finding a man who is willing to wait. it is very hard to do. it's going to be hard to forget something like that but all things are possible through God. he loves you and he will walk you through the hard times. if you ever need some one to talk to you can e-mail me at [e-mail] good luck