. I was fine until I met tis guy and we were together for about a year doing a(very) long distance relationship. Things seemed perfect and then he broke up all of a sudden and till today I dont know the reason. All I know is that he went quiet and stopped taking my calls and a few months later I surprisingly showed up in his town and found out he had fiance
Now someone else would've moved on in a month or two..
It's been more than 9 months and I can't get over him or what he did to me
I think less of myself and question both my looks and personality. I constantly feel that he "discovered" I'm not that attractive or nice?.. I NEED to be with someone and I can't find someone good, I want to love again but it never happened.
Is this normal? What do I do please if you had this experience or something similar help me :'(
2007-08-20 16:01:32 · 23 answers · asked by leave me alone 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I had a long-distance relationship dump me today! She told me the distance plus her emotional issues were too much to handle. She didn't want to risk hurting me (of course, that is precisely what she did!)
As for advice for you:
Why would you put your ENTIRE self-worth in the hands of this jerk?
If he had a fiancee after a few months, then he must have been dating her while you two were "together". He should not have led you on and told you about the fiancee. Instead, he took the coward's way out and just broke off contact!
Take inventory of yourself! You will rediscover your good qualities (inner AND outer) which will give you the confidence to venture out again!
As for getting over this guy? There is no easy fix! Nine months is TOO long to be mourning for the lost of this relationship! He isn't worth it! What steps have you taken to try and get over him?
I know what it feels like to NEED to be with someone but desperation will not lead to good decision-making!
It is possible, and even likely, that you will eventually be able to give your heart again!
"Those that have loved once are likely to love again!"
If you need more help/advice, email me or maybe consider a professional counselor!
Good luck!
2007-08-20 16:17:49 · answer #1 · answered by Matt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi killeuse,
Check out the link below for coping.org .. it has some good resources for people who are suffering from low self-esteem.. I've found it to be really helpful!
I checked out your other questions, and it seems like you have a broader question of fitting in with cultural norms and nuances in America.
Well, the short answer is, we're an immigrant culture.. folks in America come from all over the planet. We're all trying to figure out what's 'normal'.. will these pants attract a good mate? Do men find this attractive, or that?
You may have to bite the bullet and seek out some friends who are girls, so you can compare notes with them (alternatively, you could find friends and competitively contrast yourself to them, etc.)
Friends, just focus on friends. Even if you see a cute guy, think 'friends' don't think 'possible mate' or 'are my shoes turning him off?' Just take a deep breath, and be friends.
You could even make that a first line, when you meet someone. Just touch their shoulder lightly, and gurgle 'friendsss...'
Ok. That last part was just a joke. But still. Friends, ok?
Wishing you the very best of luck!
2007-08-20 23:18:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is. However, no offence, but please just get over it. Time heals,and you should start changing your perceptions. He's the one with the problem, not you. Dont ever let anyone take your self esteem or confidence from you. If you have this urge, then ure just hiding and looking for something else thats not there. Look for a decent guy, not just anyone that throws you attention. U dont need it, u just want it. That only makes you more vulnerable. One day, love will find you, then youd be happy you waited. Just wait for the right one to appear. Good luck and cheers! The sun's still smiling. Thank the lucky stars you got out of this sooner
2007-08-20 23:11:29 · answer #3 · answered by Serendipity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
" we were together for about a year doing a(very) long distance relationship " In plain english you gave this guy
literally a blank check in the cheating dept. it's bad enough people cheat when there in the same house together let alone in another state or town or these days with the internet it may as well be another planet in another galaxy . . .
it's not him you can't get over, it's her, forget about the roses
or even the morning coffee, you need to wake up and and
smell the lies . . .
Move on with your life plain to see that's what he's done, and
next time around try and shorten the span between you and a potential mate, like say maybey in the same town . . .
and as for how you look you may want to get of the computer and try going out in the real world, i mean like you never thought that if did work out you weren't eventually gonna have to see each other sooner or later ?
Good Luck . . .
2007-08-28 22:20:43 · answer #4 · answered by Ben 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop blaming yourself and think this through. He probably had a gf/fiance' before he even started talking to you. He used you, that's unfortunate but it's not your fault and it has nothing to do with your looks or anything else. You need to let go and try to start over. It's almost always best to find someone closer to your area so that you can actually spend time together. He's a jerk, unfortunately there are a lot of jerks out there but there are a lot of nice guys out there too. You just need to work on sorting them out. Don't be so hard on yourself, I hope you move on soon. It's no fun being broken hearted.
2007-08-20 23:15:38 · answer #5 · answered by Lostandconfused 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you ever actually meet this guy in person before you started the relationship?
Nothing can be perfect, or terrible, in an Internet relationship. The only thing you know about the guy is what he chooses to tell you, and even that may or may not be the truth.
You can be thankful that, if indeed he has a fiancee, that you are not she.
I am concerned about your words "what he did to me". This sounds awfully like victim stuff. It is really hard, to take power and to refuse to be a victim. It is a typical of immature males to enjoy breaking up with someone, for the power and the ego of it.
You can do a lot better than this turkey. You deserve it.
2007-08-20 23:10:31 · answer #6 · answered by Pagan Dan 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Long distance relationship normally don't work. You need to touch and feel someone and have face to face conversation to nurture the relationship. The sign was there early when he stopped talking to you. This is a temporary let down, so go on with your life and start dating again and life will be beautiful again. It has nothing to do with your looks or personality.
2007-08-20 23:12:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your needy heart is a very dangerous thing. The thing to do is simple but somewhat difficult to do. You need some distractions in your life. Get some hobbies, learn a new skill, travel, go to college or build something special. As for your long distance boyfriend it his mistake, I'm sure you are a very beautiful, wonderful and sweet person.
2007-08-20 23:32:59 · answer #8 · answered by thetechnitiondude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun, he wasnt rite for doing that to u, and u should move on. U sound pretty upset, and i kno u probably r. Smile, and hang out with ur friends, he'll eventually fade from existance, and u'll find some one better. It often works out for the best, nvr cry bcuz it ended, smile bcuz it happened. Theres always a good side to a bad, and u'll find it. Best wishes :)
2007-08-20 23:14:02 · answer #9 · answered by Meh. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first off, he was a complete jerk and now that you know the truth, it's time to let that one go, he's not worth it. Second, you sound like you're depressed, you don't NEED to be with someone, if you're in that state of mind, you'll end up lowering your standards and become prey to someone who may treat you badly or even worse, abuse you.
Who cares what he thought?
2007-08-20 23:11:23 · answer #10 · answered by Yankee Micmac 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋