Please help- my daughter is out of control?

Question

I need your help. My daughter just turned 12 and thinks she knows EVERYTHING we have tried talking to her about the way she dresses and acts(her idols are Paris Hilton and Nichole Ritchie) She is also mouthy and thinks she should get anything she wants but doesn't want to do anything for anybody .We've tried the grounding thing, no phone and stuff like that. Please tell me what else i can do before she gets worse. Thanks.

Answer 1

clear her room of anything extra.. computer in a common living space.. remove her access to all chat programs.. set up a separate account for her .. password protect the main
account.. and make it so she can't download install any programs without permission.. restrict her hang-out time.. school .. sports.. if she plays.. nothing extra..

let her know her attitude wont be accepted.. get rid of offensive clothes.. get stuff you approve of.. make it so she has no freedom and tell her she has to earn back your trust and the right to extra things.. she thinks she deserves things then make her do chores.. approve clothes before she leaves.. might be tough at first.. but catch her innappropriately dressed after school and she looses something she earned.. give her a goal .. complete chores earn pocket change .. time to go to a movie with a friend.. have a friend over..

ENFORCE that your the ADULT not her friend.. YOU make the rules.. she wants stuff, she follows the rules.. think up the top 10 things that are a problem.. sit down and discuss them and the things that will happen if they dont get better..

Answer 2

Boot camp is for people who shouldn't be parents at all! Who the **** sends their children to boarding schools or boot camps? The ones who have no clue on raising children and who shouldn't have had any in the first place. First off she lives in your house you make the rules if she doesn't choose to abide by them take action. First off if she has clothes that are even close to being what Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie are wearing throw them out, if she doesn't do what she is told screw taking away priviledges from her that doesn't work neither does grounding she'll either figure a way out of it anyways. You tell her to do something and she doesn't listen that's when you take her over your knee and spank her. That'll make her listen real fast!

Answer 3

What you need to do is take away any clothes that you dont like her wearing, dnt let her go outside looking like a slut. Take her phone away, dnt let her call with the house phone. Do some serious stricked things. Dont by her anything anymore, apart from food. Tell her she has to earn it. Grab her by the arm and look at her right in the eyes and be like "your not going out like that, you hear me, I'm the mom not you." or "dont you use that tone with me understood?" wait until she says yes or something liek that. Dont let her eat any sweets or junk food or sodas (if u have them at home) not even snacks or cookies until she cleans up her language tell her "i wont let you put any junk food in ur mouth until you clean up ur language" Put her in her room and make her write down why it's bad to dress like she does or does what she does. Try to find out horrible facts about paris and nichole so that she might think they're not good. Dont let her have any friends over or go out iwth friends. Dont do her any favors, dont let her use the computer. At the worst put her in a room with no windows and with nothing wats so ever until she caves in and apologize. Everytime she acts like she knnows everything, prove her wrong. Show her who's the boss. Be strict. Don't let her use and technology, make her wash her own clothes by hand, dont let her watch tv...

I've tried my best to think about any punishment, you could try watching the tv show malcom (however you spell it) the mother gives tough punishments. But other wise best luck,
hope i helped

Answer 4

Ye gods, when my stepdaughter hit that age I could have sworn we'd moved to the emotional equivalent of the San Andreas fault line during some sort of earthquake epidemic. It's incredibly hard, especially given that so many teenage girls decide to square off against their female parents first to establish their own individuality.

First, make sure your relationship with your partner is as solid as you can possibly get it. From here on out, you two are going to have to give each other a lot of emotional support, While she may become easier to deal with, the challenges she faces won't. Also, you have to demonstrate what a healthy relationship look like, because now's the time when she's forming opinions she's going to apply VERY soon. Set aside time as a couple, and make sure she continues to have a sitter at least until she's fifteen years old. This will show her that her parents do have other priorities, and that she isn't always at the center of the world.

Make sure you and your spouse are very clear on as many expectations you have of your dauther as you can be. Pack your daughter and any other kids off for a night, sit down at the dining room table and really discuss it. What are you trying to foster in her? Determine those things clearly (respect, empathy, kindness, reason) and figure out how you want to reward them when you see them, educate her when she doesn't understand them and punish her when she fails to exhibit them. Make punishments educational and SWIFT. Here's an example:

She dresses inappropriately before school. Tell her she's not allowed to wear that and must change. If she begins to argue, offer her the following choice, "You can change now, or you can wear that to school and I'll handle this during the day." If she wears it, go through her closet and remove clothing you find inappropriate for school. When she gets home, remind her you made an agreement and that since she's not being wise about choosing her own clothing you were forced to do it for her as her parent.

When she's mouthy, give her the following warning: "I won't be treated with disrespect or taken for granted. The next time you talk back to me like this, I'll have to remind you of who you're talking to and why I deserve your respect."

When she does inevitably talk back, you and your spouse remove everything from her room except her mattress and alarm clock. This includes light bulbs, phones, and EVERYTHING. She can wash her clothes before bed, and it isn't child abuse to send a child to school for two days in the same clothes. Put one thing back each day, and ask her where it came from. Every time she gets anything from either you or your husband, have her say where it came from. This includes every kind gesture, word, plate of food and thing you can think of.

The reason she keeps doing the same behavior is that the punishments are things she can live with. She's learned they're not so shocking, they're not so unpleasant as to be worse than the great feeling of not thinking before she acts. You are the parent, she is the child, and these are the last years before the truly terrifying possibilities start.

Answer 5

Damn I was 14 before I thought I knew everything...they get younger every year. SHE CAN ONLY DRESS THE WAY SHE DOES IF YOU BUY THE CLOTHES! And she only acts the way she does because she is USED to getting everything she wants...Ouit spoiling her, she is only acting on what she is used to. Cut out the TV, block all of the crap shows with Hilton and let her choices be Travel channel and biogrophy. And please tell me the phone you are grounding her from is not a cell phone, no 12 year old needs a cell. She is a kid, treat her like one.Become the parent.

Answer 6

take everything away from her... YOU buy her clothes... don't let her. It is a shame that her idols are women that do nothing good for ANYONE but themselves. These are not women to look up to. No money, phone, friends. Make her do laundry, dishes, clean. Take her to therapy. no one likes a lazy girl that just wants to flaunt herself..... Ask her what her idols are doing now??? one is unmarried and pregnant and the other who claims she found GOD in Jail and knows she needs to help others.. hasn't done a damn thing. I would take everything away from her that you disapprove of.. like clothes and make up..... and if she doesn't like what clothes she has left... what will she do? Keep her in the house... and TAKE all her shoes away so she cant leave the house if she wants to sneak out. I am a firm believer that you have to be hard on your child if they don't listen the first time. You have to stick with everything you say or she will be head of the household.

Answer 7

Watch Maury when he has a kids out of control segment which is usually about every other episode when he isn't doing a who the baby daddy is.

D West is a good motivational speaker. But he doesn't have a dvd with all the answers.

I agree with boot camp. If she is out of control now, this problem needs to be nipped in the bud.

When my kids were out of control I actually called the police to come and try to reason with them.

My youngest son even called the law on himself because he pulled a knife on his older brother. Luckily he didn't use it. But he could have really screwed his life up because he had already enlisted in the National Guard.

The guard taught him discipline and how to control his anger.

Just remember this ... nothing you have done with her to this point is your fault. It's the fault of the state and SRS. They don't want to let parents give their children a good butt whoopin when they need it. Children are getting the message that if your parents discipline you with the belt turn them in for abuse.

Good luck with her.

Answer 8

Know that its just a phase. being 12 in a paris hilton generation, and fiting into that scene is only gonna get more crazy for you and your family. she will need cool clothes, gadgets, and eventually a car like all her other friends. remember your the boss... paris hilton wouldnt be in the news if she didnt have any money.

Answer 9

have u tried sending her to boot camp showing her what other very unfortuanate peoples lives r like have u triend taking away every soruce of nicle ritchie and paris hilton she has come on be smart or sitting down and talking to her and just laying down some rules?

Answer 10

Sounds like a 'standard issue` teenager.
They have to rebel to grow up.
Pick your fights. Let her have the small,
harmless ones, (after a bit of effort), and
save your energy for the dangerous important
ones.
It's a cliche, but they do want limits that they
can respect. When the first couple of your
stands prove sensible, she'll be easier to deal with.