Mother of the bride issues, help!?

Question

Im having a few issues with my mum. Don't get me wrong, i love the woman dearly! All my mum has ever wanted is one of us to get married or have kids. My sister delivered with the kids and now its my turn. My parents have said they'll contribute a set amount to the wedding which we were stoked about. My fiances parents said they'd pick up the rest of the tab. My mother said I have been putting the in-law to be's 1st and i have struggled to see where I have done this other than when we were first organising things & his parents were only paying for the booze, when mum wanted to buy wine for the tables I said no (figuring her money could be better spent somewhere else). She also says that i shoot her down about every suggestion (e.g. she said the song I walk down the aisle to should be a song about me and dad, i tried to explain it was the bridal march but no go). My mother is organising the cake, with no input from me, i have shown her the stationary and asked her opinion.

I also asked her to do a reading and she said NO WAY! Shes coming this weekend when I go dress shopping. Ive asked her LOADS of questions and asked for advice. I don't see how I could include her more apart from inviting her on the honeymoon.
I have absolutely no idea what to do. Do i stop saying no to her suggestions and just have stuff I don't like? Should we just pay for the wedding ourselves? Do you think because shes paying for it she thinks she can dictate what we have?
p.s. My sister cancelled her wedding 4 years ago as mum took over with her too. My mother didnt get to organise her own wedding as far as im aware my nana did it all.

When I try to make her see that shes being a little over the top she bursts into tears. She strongly believes Im being horrible and leaving her out.
Shes managed to twist my father into her way of thinking also.
My sister backs me up but shes a push over and has tried to politely tell mum to calm down.

Answer 1

thats the kind of thing that happens when parents offer to pay. thats why my husband and I paid for most of our wedding ourselves. my parents offered to help so I got them to pay of things that I wasnt so picky about, though mom and I do have similar taste. I left the food up to my mom becuase she was making it all herself, then we picked out the cake and split the cost of the flowers we both liked. in your case, if you can I would have you and your fiance take over most of the expenses your parents are covering. if you mom asks why then tell her the truth. youve been going out of your way trying to include her and ask her opinion and shes been trying to take over your wedding. and while I hate when people say "its your wedding so do it how your want to" in your case, although the wedding isnt everything, you do want it to be a day you'll remember forever and you do want to be happy with the things you have for it so no, I wouldnt just give into her. shes an adult and needs to start acting like it. I mean how can you shoot down someones ideas when they arent even including you at all? and you dont walk down the aisle to a song about you and your dad...that song should be played for the father/daughter dance. like I said, I would take over some costs yourself. it will save you the hassle and in the end, your feel a great sense of accomplishment that you know you paid for alot of it yourselves.

Answer 2

My mum organised my whole wedding! I now wish we had got married in the backyard.
This should be a day to remember, I had 120 guests, 100relatives and 20 friends. I still see my friends but not my relatives. I wanted a DJ, mum wanted a piano player, she (the piano player) was so damn old that we waltzed all night. My friends still laugh about the music.
Please make a stand and if you have to pay for it then let it be.
For everything that needs to be done, have two choices of what you really like and let your mum choose one of them if you want, that may keep the peace.

Answer 3

Maybe that is why she is trying to take over your wedding because she didn't get to do hers. I would have a talk with her and explain that although you value her input that this is your wedding and you will make the final decision. Sounds to me too that she is a little jealous of the In-Laws. Either let her take over and do it her way or put your foot down (politely) and tell her to stop

Answer 4

Stand your ground. This is YOUR wedding, not your mother's. Don't be blackmailed into doing something you don't want to do. Since you mother is coming this weekend, maybe you, your mom, your fiance, and his parents can all sit down and discuss the wedding. You and your fiance should have a say in EVERYTHING. If you mom gets angry and says she won't pay for the wedding, so be it. You can have a beautiful wedding without her money. This is your day, enjoy it.

Answer 5

You know, how about realizing that the two of you should be a mature, adult couple - paying for your own wedding. Then you plan what you can afford - the style and the number of guests. You will still politely ask for advice and suggestions from family members, but it's your planning.

Answer 6

Since she is contributing she does have a say but it sounds liek she wants to control everything. Instead of telling her no, offer a compromise, say no but how about this. Sometimes that helps.

If it continues you may have to put your foot down and pay for it yourself! Try taling to her when you are not aggravated and see if you can work it out.

Good luck!

Answer 7

sounds like your mom can be3 abit controlling perhaps because she does not live close by she feels left out. She may be jealous of your soon 2 be mom-in-law. Give her some duties 4 her to handle that u could use the help with

Answer 8

I would jsut politely decline her offer to pay and explain why. I think she's doing this bc she's paying. Talk to her before your wedding is cancelled bc of her too. Dont give in to her criying bc that's why she gets to keep doing this. It's tight but its right.

Answer 9

Don't offer any info. on what your in-laws are going to do unless asked.My Mom thought at times I was favoring my in-laws too.Just tell your Mom that you love her dearly & that you couldn't do any of it without her .That she has some fantastic ideas,but you just have different ideas.Neither one is wrong,just different from each other.That you're glad to have 2 Mom's ,but that she will always be the dearest to you.ALWAYS!I'd let her do the cake.That's no big deal(like your dress is).Just keep reassuring her.She's never had to share you with anyone.GOD BLESS!