My boyfriend lost his mom 2 days ago and he wont talk to me. PLEASE read- its long but i really need your help

Question

ok my boyfriend and i have been togetherwe have become each others halves, best friends,and shoulder to cry on. He lives in another state but we hardly feel that since we visit eachother at least once or twice a month, and we're on the phone or texting eachother at LEAST every hour. I know it doesnt seem that long but our love together is so strong i knew we'd always be there for each other. well last wednesday we had a disagreement about a hypothetical situation, and it turned into us second guessing eachother because of our suprising reactions ((sorry i cant say what it was about- too personal.)), he said he needed a few days to think things through. i agreed, and the next 2 days he didnt call or text me which hurt alot, and then saturday morning came and i emailed him saying how sorry i was for being inconsiderate and told him how much i loved him and 2 min later my mom comes in screaming and crying she was yelling his mom died. i called him immediately but he wouldnt talk to me

...so i decided i was going to take the next flight and when i texted him saying that, he responded with "no- please dont come" i was hurt, how could he not want me @ his own mothers funeral? and his cousins (of whom ive been friends with since i was little--thats how he and i met)) his cousins asked me if i had talked to him and i said no, and they told me that they had just gotten off the phone with him... its been a total days now, and he still hasnt returned my calls/texts/email....hes talking to everyone BUT me, it seems. i dont know what to do anymore. he and i are literally each others halves...we're supposed to be there for each other so why is he shutting me out? ive been doing my best to try to respect this space but its hard. and i cant imagine going through a worse situation: his mom died, he has 4 other brothers, hes the oldest and has a dead beat dad. the dad is a sick man who wont take care of the kids even tho hes millions rich. what do i do?

even his own family was saying "he hasnt talked to you??? of all people?" this hurts

when he told me not to come, he also said that the funeral was going to be that night-- so there would be no way to make it. but then the arrangements changed (he didnt tell me about that either) and the funeral was going to be the next day so i asked him about it, and he texted me back sayin "yeah its tomorrow but stay in california, please dont come" and at that point my said "sweetie, im sorry but u have to respect his space/privacy...hes dealing with alot and prob doesnt want u there...he doesnt want to deal with anything else..so dont go" but i still wanted to go, i loved her. its too late now- funeral was yday.

Answer 1

At this time, please don't take anything he does/says personally. He is going thru grief that only someone who's been there can relay to. I know, I lost my 14 yr. old granddaughter not long ago & KNOW all you go thru from the loss of a loved one. They are no doubt just plain numb like we all were. There is so much you have to do & it's all heartbreaking. Funeral arrangements, the service, flowers, it's just overwhelming. PLEASE understand that whatever he does at the moment has nothing to do w/his feelings for you. Just very unfortunate your situation happened when it did & now this rite after the two of you hadn't gotten the opportunity to get things straightened out first. Regardless of what happened between you two, he knows you, knows how much you care about him. At least you did email him saying you were sorry & how much you love him. So he does have your message re that. I don't know what's going to transpire between you two before the funeral, but if you really were that close, I'd do my very best to be there & attend the funeral if you can. IF you knew his mom & cared about her, you should go out of respect for that, but you also should put forth an effort to at least be there for him regardless. Above all, try to understand he is going thru unbelieveable grief & allow that to take priority. Don't hold him to anything at this time. Like I said, he's no doubt completely numb. Just let him know you're there for him if he needs you, which I'm sure he already knows. Take care & I wish you the best.

Answer 2

This is not a time for you to be selfish. It's only a matter of time before he calls you. He'll call before the funeral. He's the eldest child, he most likely will be the one to make the major and final decisions regarding his mom. Right now he's needing his immediate family. Eventhough you're his girl and best friend there will be a time and place for you. Be encouraged and be still and wait on him. When he calls don't be the first to bring up the dispute, let him, if he doesn't then it's squashed. He's gonna need your help regarding his mom and everything else will fall into place later, at the right time. If you be selfish it will only push him away at the wrong time in his life.

Answer 3

Honestly, if I were you (and I'm also in a long distance relationship with someone I'm very close to), I would fly there. I would make arrangements to stay with one of his friends or other family (don't assume you can stay with him) and just be there for him. Don't push anything relationship wise or try to get him to talk to you and accept that you might make the trip out there and not really get to spend much time with him at all. I think that in the long run though he will see that you stuck by him, without being pushy, when he needed you most.
Good luck.

Answer 4

A similar thing happen to me, my fiance and I were living in different states for a long time. I came to visit him and shortly after, his father passed away and he kind of cursed me out during a conversation we were having. During this time there are many emotions in use. I think you should text him or leave him a voice msg expressing your sympathy to him and assuring him that if he needed you that you are here for him. I also think there is a communication gap here, maybe he thought you had known his mother passed away already. Now is the time for you to be strong for him if he needs time don't stress the situation different people have different ways of coping so be patient and open minded. When the smoke clears he will appreciate it...good luck hoped it helped

Answer 5

huny at this point there is nothing you can say to make him feel anybetter, especially if he and his mom wer close. im sorry. ever seen a litle child cry when his mother leaves the house ? its a thousand times worse, imagine your mom passing away, how would you live without her ? the first few months will be hard, and the next few years... give him a little time, hes still in shock. he still thinks his mom is gona come in his room and tell him to pick up his clothes off the floor, hes waiting on her to come home from work, but she dosent come ..... see how that feels ? right now he cant talk to you because he has no words. give him some time, and support, leave messages, tell him you are his strength in the time of weakness.... and hopefully, slowly, gradually, it too will pass. ♥

Answer 6

Sweetie. You can't take it personal. When you two were disagreeing with one another, That's probably when his mom passed. So give him time. Everything will be okay. But call him and tell him you're there if he needs you. Don't text him to say that. It's so impersonal in a situation like this.

Answer 7

We never know what will happen the next minute. It's ok-it's not your fault. Request from your mother to plan a trip to visit him and his family. Meanwhile send him a special message from yahoo ecard. They have some beautiful cards. I know this sound odd, but if you want I can contact him for you. It's up to you. My id is [e-mail]...let me know, but don't punish yourself, don't! God bless

I just read the extended message you wrote. Although, he request for you not to come...I think you should go there with your mother. If not to visit him now, at least attend the funeral. I will keep him and his family in my prayers. If I can help let me know.

Answer 8

He needs time!!!!
Trust me, If your love is that strong he will call you as soon as he gets his thoughts straight.
There is a lot going through his mind right now, and he probably doesn't want to talk to anybody about it.
Stay put, and don't let yourself down.
He just needs his space right now.

Good luck.

Answer 9

It may be a waste of money but I would go there and see him face to face.
Are other family members talking about how he's acting with you?
Death of a parent is very hard ecpecially if it's unexpected and you were close--sometime's even if you weren't.

Answer 10

Grief is different for each individual. Right now he is focusing on what is going on not what went on with the disagreement. Give him some space. Guys cannot always express like girls so it could just be a simple thing that he is afraid to cry in front of you.