guest list worries...?

Question

my parents are giving my fiance and i a set dollar amount towards our wedding expenses which we are grateful for. his parents arent as "financially set" as mine, and havent offered to help---no big deal. the problem is this: we planned on paying for our own wedding--$20,000--and are over budget by $7000 already without a honeymoon and centerpieces. every time we try to cut back the guest list, our families say we "CANT exclude that person". im so frustrated!!! we have personally invited only 64 people ourselves and our guest list is already over 350!! how can i stop this madness???

another thing, my brother got married a few months ago so another reply is "your brother invited them to his wedding and they attended so you HAVE to invite them to yours"...mind you, his wedding was much more relaxed and in the middle of winter so it was cheaper...

Answer 1

You guys need to be strong and put your foot down now!
It is already out of hand!! Who needs 350 people at their wedidng?! NOBODY does. Can you honestly say you know and have contact regularly with all these 350 people? I would guess not.
You parents seem to be so hellbent on showing off their ability to give their children a fancy wedding they are forgetting the important things...You two!!!
Be strong. Just because so and so came to your brothers wedding.....SO WHAT!!! If you dont know or need him at your wedding, dont invite.
You guys need a honeymoon and you want your wedding to be perfect. Well you are not going to get these things if you dont act now and tell the parents to pull their heads in. They are being silly. All you really need to celebrate your big day are the people who truely care about you and want to share in your day. cut your list by starting with people you havent seen for 2 years....then to people you havent seen for a year.....You need your friends, and your immediate family. 3rd cousins and Dad's workmates that you dont even know, cut them.
If they dont want them cut, give them the option of paying for each person they refuse to cut. Include his family in this. If they are being silly about cutting people, say that you have to you cant afford to pay for free meals for all these random people but if THEY really want them invited, they can feel free to pay for their meals on the day.
You have to take control here. A honeymoon is more important and memorable to you personally than having 350 guests at the wedding, most of which you will not even get to speak to.
Be strong and get your fiance behind you.
Good luck

Answer 2

I'm not going to tell you what you should do, as I think that has already been covered by everyone else and I do agree with most of what they've said. But I do want to tell you that I was talking with my caterer going over the guest list and he told me a story of a wedding that he caterered a couple of months ago where the bride and groom invited 400 people to their wedding and when the day came, not even 200 showed up. Well the mothers paid for the food and demanded that they get their money back as not everyone showed up for it, my caterer told them that they don't get any refunds on the food as he had prepared food for 400, not just 200, and it's not like he could've reused the food or take it back. Needless to say that they had a lot of leftovers. LOL I'm sure by now you know that not all of those people invited are going to attend. Everything will work out hon, take a deep breath and try to relax : )

Answer 3

If your family was paying for the whole or majority of the wedding then I'd say they do have a say on who they can invite since it is their money. But if they are just helping a little here and there, and you and your fiance are the ones paying the majority then it is YOUR decision on who is allowed to come. It will only be your expense the more people that are invited. Your family does not have a say in this since this is your money. It sounds like you need to put your foot down.

Answer 4

What I would suggest is that you set your guest list of who want to be there and who is important to you. Then you advise your families that anyone extra will need to be paid for by them. You shoudl work within you budget for the people you want, and let them decide money wise who is importatn enough to pay extra.

Since you are paying for most of it yourselves they should be more sensitive to that. If you want a smaller wedding then they should let you, jsut becuase your brother invited so and so is not a good enough reason.

The problem with weddings is you can't please everyone. You shoudl take family feelings into consideration and work around things as much as possible, but in the end this is your day and you should plan it the way you want too!

Good luck!

Answer 5

That's a crazy amount! Tell them you can only afford a set amount of people with the budget they gave you-or in the case of the in-laws, you guys can't spend more-and if they want all the additional people that don't NEED to be there, they can fork over the cash. 350 seems pretty excessive to me. Just firmly say "No" and that's that. How many close friends and relatives can one couple have? I come from a big family and our guest list is only 115.

Answer 6

If your parents are paying for the whole thing, they can dictate who gets invited, what type centerpieces you have, everything - because it's their money.

If they are GIVING you a set amount of cash for you to use for the wedding, then they can't have carte blanche as to the wedding arrangements.

What I'd do if it were me.. I would create a budget, showing each item you want to use at the wedding and its cost. An Excel spreadsheet would work great for this. Once you have it, show it to your parents. You're gonna have to PROVE to them that you cannot afford to invite all "their" guests for the amount you have available to spend.

Besides.. it's your goldurn wedding. Sounds like your parents have completely lost sight of that fact. Why not just elope to Vegas and save all the bother - maybe that'd shock them into realizing what's truly important here?

Answer 7

Simply do not invite anymore people, how many invites did you send???? Let him tell his grandmother that you are at maximum and cannot invite anymore. If you only invited 32 you're fine, or hopefully you are not 32 over, if so, talk to restaurant about another private dining room, or see if you can get your money back and find a larger place. Sorry, all I can come up with, need to know actual no. of invites you sent.

Answer 8

you really need to put your foot down or it will go way over board and out of control. and your fiance really need to go up to his parents and ask if they are going to put in and help out with some of the wedding bills or else. this is your wedding and you can invite whom ever you guys want. if your parents feel you need to invite these other guests you just have to put your foot down and tell them that you don't want to have a huge wedding and don't want to spend that much either. these people will not get hurt if they weren't invited.

Answer 9

I don't know how old you are but can't your fiancee and yourself pay off some money. Even 5,000 and the other 2,000 can be easily cut. Don't get flowers for the tables find an alternative. Take your honeymoon a couple of months later. My husband and I did this for work reasons, we stayed at a hotel for a couple of nights but not far. Get a cheaper cake w/ 2 tiers and a sheet cake as back up.

Answer 10

That is absurd. Keep the 64 and give your families 100 people to pick from. Let them be the ones to narrow down the list and get back to you.