Is there a place where failed cooks can go to be put down?

Question

It's not that I don't try, I simply have no idea.

I cooked 'Cool Blue Doritoes' with onion and cheese on jacket potatoes.

The dame thing tasted bad before I even started but the wife and I have put it in another room (in the bin) cause its awful.

I love my little lady and do a mean garlic chicken that our cats love (we have no idea what it tastes like though, we're not that brave).

Please, is there some way I can either learn how to cook or be put down before I hurt someone?

I spent 2 weeks in bed with Lactobasillie something and it really hurt, and that was simply through prepareing the food as neither of us ate it.

Hellllppppp!!!!!

Answer 1

Let me give you a recipe that can be varied and is very nearly impossible to foul up:

For each serving, place ONE of the following on a large square of heavy-duty aluminum foil: boneless chicken breast, boneless pork chop, hamburger patty, or salmon fillet.

Season chicken with one of the following: lemon pepper, butter mixed with a dash of dill weed, sweet and sour sauce, barbecue sauce, or teryaki sauce.

Season pork with your choice: barbecue sauce, teryaki sauce, or sweet and sour sauce.

Season salmon with either dill butter or lemon pepper.

Salt and pepper the hamburger patty, or season lightly with Montreal steak seasoning.

Surround the meat with any or all of the following: a few small broccoli or cauliflower spears, a medium potato peeled and quartered, a peeled and sliced carrot, a few whole mushrooms, and/or some slivers of onion. Dot the veggies with butter and season lightly with salt and pepper.

Fold the foil up to form a tight packet, and bake at 350 degrees until the meat is done and the veggies are tender. This usually takes about 25-30 minutes, depending on the thickness of the meat.

Serve this with a deli salad, some breadsticks from the bakery, and a Pepperidge Farm cake. The family will be happy, and we won't have to ship you off to "Happy Acres Asylum for Dangerous Cooks."

Answer 2

John Burton Race or his female counterpart, Angela Hartnet (Kitchen Criminals, BBC2, 6.30 week days) should be able to sort you out and/or put you down.

Oh, you poor dear thing. There are lots of videos you can copy from on the internet Allrecipes.com is one, bbc.co.uk/food is another.

Are there any local cookery clubs where you could learn cookery in a safe and informal environment - better the JBR shouting and swearing at you - that only makes things worse.
Check them out in your local library or college.

Also there is a magazine I think called Easy or something like that which has some good recipes in there. Check out the local News Agents like WHS.

Cooking for Blokes is a good book to start with.

Best tips are to have everything to hand before you start cooking. Take some deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Relax. Cooking should be fun, not a chore. It is not that difficult. Remember you are in charge and not the food. Make sure meat and fish are cooked right through before eating - though beef, lamb and duck can be eaten slightly pink.

Change your chopping boards between things ie red for meat, green for veg, yellow for fruit etc to avoid the tummy troubles. Wipe down all surfaces as you go. And have a good set of knives that feel comfortable and well balanced in your hand. They should be an extension of your hand and not a burden. You could go into a cook shop and ask to handle a few knives to find what you feel is best. (Not when you are feeling murderous or suicidal though!)

And remember, practice makes perfect. If at first you do not succeed, try, try, try again.

Finally, what is wrong with your little lady? Have you poisoned her to the point of no return? Why does she not come in and help with the cooking and giving you pointers? You never know it could lead to yet more romance - but then again it could be the divorce courts and I would not want that for you!!!

God bless.

Answer 3

Okay. So I think you need to be clear about what YOU mean when you say feminism. The way I hear it used, and the way I use it, is to describe a belief that men and women should have equal opportunities. I really question how you got the idea that it has been "well established that feminism is a special interest group, which doesn't fight for equality," unless you are mistaking changes meant to correct an inequitable system as giving "special privileges" to women. When I hear someone say he or she disagrees with feminism, I hear that person threatening things I hold very dear: dreams to study science, the desire to make it on my own and to be respected regardless of my choices about marriage and having children. It is a put down to disrespect these things, and it's pretty damn personal. I think in a lot of liberal circles this is what people - both men and women - will hear when you say you disagree with feminism. Feminism is NOT man-hating. I think I may have mentioned this before, but some of the best academic work I know of which demonstrates gender inequalities is being done by... well... a lab full of men.

Answer 4

A place for failed cooks....

The library or the book store... thumb through the books.... look for books that give good explanations and has lots of pictures.

Find books that give the basics... Better Homes and Gardens, the Betty Crocker cook book, or Sunset Magazine Series...

Hold off on the Joy of Cooking. Its all text, no pictures.

Also, the library may have cooking videos.

Cooking shows are okay, but a lot of them are all show with little info... Except for Good Eats.

Answer 5

Don't fret I am sure there is a cooking class out there that can teach a person how to cook or what about a friend or family member? It is hard to try to explain how to cook on paper however a person can also look at a library on "how to cook" or even try the internet Good luck

Answer 6

you can go to a tech school or community college in you area and ask about a cooking course , most communities offer them part time at night and they are actually fun and you will learn to cook eatable foods and learn to enjoy cooking , or you could go to a 4 year cooking school and learn to be a gourmet chef probally not what your looking for but try the cooking classes , I had to do the same thing before I starved and I can actually entertain dates and guest with dinner and get complimented. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Watch the cooking shows.
No offence,but there's a good cookbook called "Cooking For Dummies" which would be a big help to you.Simple easy recipes to get you started.
You should be able to find it at most book stores or anywhere they sell recipe books.
Don't give up.Keep on trying and good luck.
There'd be a lot of bodies if there were somewhere to put down failed cooks.We've all been there. lol.

Answer 8

Start with simple dishes. I know there are recipe books available that don't need more than 4 or 5 ingredients per dish. I've been cooking since I was 14, and I'm 46 years old. Much of it came from experience. Start simple, and gradually build from there.

Answer 9

"Cooking for Dummies" is a great place to start.
And, unless your mom cooks as well as you do, try calling Mom. That's what I do. I get an idea for something, then realize I have no idea what to do with it. So I call my mom. "Um, Hi. How are you? Good. Glad to hear it. By the way, how do I cook a spaghetti squash?"
Having a cordless phone helps considerably.
Best of luck!

Answer 10

Ahhhh that takes me back! My Aunt Florence used to make potato salad from mashed potatoes...her idea of a green salad was a quarter wedge of iceberg lettuce with a glob of ketchup on top...she cooked beef to cinders, yet served chicken rare. My advice? Take-away...take-away...little cartons of Chinese, styrofoam platters of Mexican, sacks of burgers... Your destiny is not, mon ami, in the kitchen. Betcha you're a snappy dresser and can still do the Frug, though. p.s., don't draw the attention of the RSPCA and continue using your pussenkatz as a fur dispos-all. OK? OK!