How can we live with BPD?

Question

I'm pretty sure my boyfriend has Borderline Personality Disorder and we're struggling to keep our relationship going. We've been together for 18 months and are both in our mid-twenties.He is frightened to get counselling as he doesn't want to face up to it I think.He knows he has some kind of mental issues and when we looked on hte internet,his issues or symptoms seemed to fit BPD perfectly.I've tried to help him by speaking him through his episodes calmly but he says I don't try hard enough.He's never been violent and we love eachother dearly,although we're having time apart at the moment. Is there anyone with the same experience that can enlighten me?

Answer 1

I hope these links to the Mind website will be useful:

Understanding BPD
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Understanding/Understanding+borderline+personality+disorder.htm

Understanding Personality Disorders
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Understanding/Understanding+personality+disorders.htm

Caring and supporting anyone with a mental health illness can be very stessful and frustrating, so this link is some information specifically to help you:

How to cope as a carer:
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/How+to/How+to+cope+as+a+carer.htm

How to access services as a carer:
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Factsheets/Carers/

Here a couple of links that may be useful about counselling and talking treatments.

Understanding Talking Treatments
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Understanding/Understanding+talking+treatments.htm

Making sense of counselling
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Making+sense/Making+sense+of+counselling.htm

I would also strongly recommend seeing if there is a local mental health charity in your area.

http://www.mind.org.uk/Mind+in+your+area/

They are much less formal than the Health services, which may suit your boyfriend better. You can refer yourselves and they don't have waiting lists. They deal with people on a daily basis and are a great source of support. They may also have a carers group that you could attend, that would take some of the pressure of you.

The most important first step would be to encourage him to so and see his GP, self-diagnosis is never an ideal thing. And for that matter, labelling yourself isn't either.

Offer to support him with the appointment, go in to see the GP if he wants you to, or if not, wait for him while he goes in and then you can offer support on the way home.

It might be a good idea to write down some of the concerns and symptoms before you go, that way you won't forget. It is easy to feel stressed when it is time to seek help, so this will help. The notes can be used to help prompt you or your boyfriend, or even be handed over directly to the GP.

If getting him to a GP is out of the question, then please find your local Mind association, they will be able to talk things through with him first, which may then help him to realise that he does need to see a health professional.

I really hope that some of this information is of use to you.

Take care, both of you and good luck.

Help and support is available if you know where to look.

Answer 2

Borderline Personality Disorder can be a difficult disorder for the person who is diagnosed and also the family/friends. For you I would recommend the book of "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me". It will help you as well as your boyfriend know more about Boderline Personality Disorder in a easy ready format. One way you can try to encourage counseling is by scheduling an appointment for the both of you and asking him to go with you. Look up a Licensed Professional Counselor (PC or PCC) that specializes in treating BPD and make an appointment. You can discuss ahead of time via phone the purpose of your visit. Then when you get there the counselor can possible suggest to your boyfriend individual sessions.

Then with you there the first time, it can decrease the stigma associated with counseling. Also if you chose to stay in the relationship, you may want to get some individual counseling your self. Management of BPD can be difficult on your boyfriend but equally if not more difficult on you. I know you want to help your boyfriend, but you also must take care of you too!

Answer 3

has he been diagnosed officially yet is the first question... Borderlines are known for refusing treatment and having a very difficult time sticking with it... Borderline is known as one of the most difficult personality disorders to treat... In order to learn how to deal with this illness, because it takes a real toll on the loved ones of a borderline... try reading 'Stop Walking on Eggshells' by Mason Kreger... another good read from the point of view of a borderline is the autobiography of rahcel reiland titled 'Get me out of here'... Its hard to be able to fully explain the characteristics of this disorder at great length on here... the best thing to do is read about it... do the research and learn some tactics of how to deal with the behaviors without triggering an outburst... and the characteristics of BPD are a variation of several other behavioral disorders such as narsacism and histrionic personality... it is frequently mis diagnosed and is not really recognized by many mental health professionals despite the fact it is now listed in the DSM... Do some research and good luck... The 'Stop Walking on Eggshells' book actually breaks down certain tactics and approach to dealing with a Borderline in an outburst without worsening the situation...

Answer 4

My boyfriend of 9 years has Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder. There is no living with him while he is having one of his 2 week episodes. He talks nonstop, doesn't sleep, screams and yells at the world, thinks he has super influence over millions of people, can't sit still and cries uncontrollably. I usually go to a hotel for a couple days due to the verbal abuse.

He is doing everything possible for treatment and medication yet twice a year he has an episode. He has no control over these episodes.

Our friends avoid us. Music is turned up louder than I can stand. Once I locked myself in the bathroom and put a pillow over my head. He took the bathroom door off and yelled at me that I wasn't listening to him.

Aside from the 4 or 5 weeks a year, our lives are quite normal.

It's impossible to have a relationship like yours without treatment and medication. I advise you to give him a serious warning that you're fully expecting him to take care of the problem and face up to his illness. Let him get properly diagnosed. Fear is no excuse. Life is too short to live with an untreated mental illness. Good Luck to you!

Answer 5

Making a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder by knowing someone and reading internet articles may be very risky.

If your boyfriend had appendicitis you would take them to the doctor and maybe the surgeon, right ? Let the proper professionals do their jobs. Don't play Psychiatrist or Psychologist talk to a real one.

Answer 6

There is nothing else you can do with BPD except get him professional help. Quickly, before it gets worse. The best and most supportive thing you can do for him right now is try to help ease his fears about counseling and get him to go.

Answer 7

He probably doesn't wanna hear it, but councelling is the best way.
My friend has BCP and finds it difficult, but i find after a councelling session hes his usual self.
The violence can be stopped by this too. For instance my friend once almost threw a chair at me, scary but it got sorted and hes better for it now.
Its hard to admit you have a mental issue, but sometimes its the only way.

Answer 8

This is something that won't go away.
Being in a relationship puts a huge burden on these people, they just can't bear the day to day pressure to conform.
They need their own space emotionally, and to live in the way they choose.

Answer 9

My advice is to END THE RELATIONSHIP! Only he can help himself, and if he is not willing to do so in a serious manner, then you need to move on and find someone who is not mentally ill.