Advice for a bridesmaid (details below)?

Question

I have just been asked to be a bridesmaid in my sister-in-laws wedding (that part is fine and great!) it's her husband to be that is the issue. Not ONE person in her family likes him (he has no drive or motivation and has been using her since the beginning) and she is aware of their feelings but they have told her that it's her decision to make. We all feel that she is blinded by the fact he is her first 'love' and boyfriend and all her friends are getting married. However.... my dilemna is that I feel the same way as her family and have some reservations about standing up for a wedding I feel is doomed for failure. Now I do keep my feelings to myself and support her or tell her I'm sorry that I can't be involved for that reason? Any advice is appreciated!

FYI - I haven't given her an answer yet as I am in two other weddings in the same year so I said I would have to think about it for the financial side of things which is another deciding factor but not the important one.

Answer 1

How do you feel about the roles of a bridesmaid? Thats what it all comes down to. Do you feel it is wrong to "stand up" for a relationship you don't support? Or do you feel it is supporting your friend on her day b/c its not your decision to make? Those are the 2 stances to take on this issue.

Do you feel your dislike of her choice will affect your ability to be a good bridesmaid? Would you be able to help her with dresses, invitations, go to showers and support her in the stress--even though you don't like the man? If your dislike for him will cause you to dislike all the wedding planning, say no. Don't ruin her day. If you don't think it will affect you and your ability to help her, then that doesn't matter.

Personally I feel as her friend you owe it to her to explain your stance in a polite way. But then allow her to make her decision without judging. After all, it's her life. But if you know something important--it is wrong to keep that from a bride.

But if you are very close to her, she might be upset by your refusal and it may end a friendship.

Now you did say you are in 2 other weddings so you needed to think about the financial side. How is the financial side? That is just as important to help you decide if you should be a bridesmaid or not.

Answer 2

That's a hard one, but what you need to do is look at it this way.

The Maid on Honour and the Best Man are standing up and witnessing the wedding officially.

The Brides Maids and Grooms Men are just there to assist the Bride and Groom during the celebration.

So, either you do it because your there to assist your sister in law and because you care for her (your not there to judge her, your there to help her). She has already made her decision and nothing you or any one else does will change that.

Or

The Alternative, totally decline, due to your above mentioned feelings and if you doing that, you should also not even attend the wedding.

If you do attend after turning down being the bridesmaid for the bad feeling you have, it will be a slap in the face. If you go to a wedding for any reason other then to share the happy couples day of union and to send them off to start their new lives together then your being a hypocrite.

Ultimately you have to search your heart and make your decision quickly.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

You would be standing up for her in support of her marriage. If you really don't feel good about it, then tell her in a nice way. But, think hard before you do it. She'll probably marry him anyway and if he's like you say, I'm sure things will not work out. She'll need a good friend later and who will she fall back on. Will she lean on you if you've not supported her? Think about it really hard.

Answer 4

If you don't support the wedding, then you should not be a member of the wedding party, just go as a guest.
A couple deserves to have those people standing up for them who support them, period.