First to make me laugh gets a prize...?

Question

I am really bored and could use a good laugh. Any funny jokes our anythign funny to be said at all would be gladly appreciated. First one I laugh at gets the points thanks

Answer 1

This is the cleanest 1 I know.
What is the difference between pink and purple?
Your Grip!!!

Answer 2

There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here will you let me have one?" she asked. The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed. "You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph. Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice. She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.

She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked,
"If I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"
The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try.
Your a blonde!
Now give me back my dog.
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A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together.
They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00.
Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it.
The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull.
When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.
Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams.
The farmer says he wants $200 for it.
The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer.
The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?"
The brunette accepts and buys the bull.
She has $1.00 left for the telegram.
The telegram guy says, "It's $1.00 per word."
The brunette thinks about this and says,"Comfortable, write that."
"Comfortable?" the guy questions.
"Yes, you see she's a blonde"
"So?" says the telegram guy.
"She'll read very slow"
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On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested she move to economy since she didn't have a first class ticket.

The blonde replied, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving."

Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak to her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section.

Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving.

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I' m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."

He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked the captain what he said to her. The captain replied: "I told her the first half of the plane wasn't going to New York."

Answer 3

there was this guy that went out on the town.
he went from bar to bar and club to club and ended up really
drunk
he came to the next morning and he was in his hotel room
the only thing he could remember was a shiny gold toilet
he had to find where it was
he spent most of the morning going from bar to bar and club to club trying to find this gold toilet

he end up at a bar in a club mumbling how he was going to find this gold toilet
the bar tender over heard him and ran back to the band
and told Mac hey I think I found the guy who cr*pped in your Tuba

Answer 4

Go to Google, type in "213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the US Army". Hilarious!

Answer 5

theres a plane full of blondes 1 brunette and the pilot.

the poilot says"its to heavy in here u all must drop something or else were going to crash"

they dropped something "its still to heavy im dumping the floor hang on to the top bars" every1 drops something they dont need

every1 holds on to the top..."its STILL to heavy we need 1 person to let go"

no1 replies... ... ... ... ... ... brunette says "ill let let go!"

blondes are so happy they all clap

Answer 6

I got mad at my sister so I got a knife and cut off her arms. The police came and arrested me. I asked Why am I being arrested?" The policeman said "You cut off your sister's arms." I said "It's perfectly legal. The second amendment says "We have the right to bare ARMS."

Answer 7

What's the difference between a grocery bag and Michael Jackson?

Answer 8

Two blondes were driving in a van when they spot another blonde in a wheat field.

The first blonde said," You know it's blondes like those who give us a bad name!"

The second blonde said, "Yeah I know, and if i could swim, I would go out and drown her....