Did i do the best, right thing why or not? im 34 left my BF of 5 yrs cuz he hits me, cheats & wont marry me.?

Question

im unemployed and at an all time low in my life. I have no kids and afraid at my age i will never be able to have any if i ever find a decent man. even though my life sucks and i wish i could be married and have a child i didnt want to be hit anymore or worse get aids from his cheating. I WAS JUST TIRED OF HIS ABUSE! but i still feel like i will always be miserable and alone and never have a kid. if i do find a nice guy will i have downsyndrome child? OR SHOULD I JUST HAVE HAD A CHILD WITH MY RECENT EX TO AVOID HAVING A FUTURE MISCARRIAGE OR DOWNSYNDROME CHILD AT MY LATER AGE? WHICH IS WORSE???

what guy is going to want me in this old age? im so depressed i cant get out of my bed!

Answer 1

firstly dear your not old you're only thrity four don't undervalue yourself because no one is going to value you more than you value yourself i had to learn that the hard way you've got to believe in yourself and your potential and you've got to beleive and convince yourself you deserve the best things out of life that includes the good relationship marriage and children you want. You know deep down that you didn't deserve the abuse that your boyfriend was putting you through and you know you would be a damn good mother as well as a wife so get out of your bed and strut your stuff and find that lucky guy alot of times we don't give ourselves enough credit we pick ourselves apart if guys we like don't want us i see it like this you've got a goddess in your presence and if you're to stupid to see what an amazing woman i am and how great a person i am then oh well your loss you didn't deserve to even know someone like me and move on remember when it feels like we're going through our darkest time and we feel like giving up and calling it quits hang on just a little bit longer cause when it seems like you hit rock bottom a break is coming your way so chin up mama your gonna get that job find that guy and get those kids that you want.
hope i helped

Answer 2

You did the right thing. Abuse is no joke and a real man would never lay a harmful finger on a woman. It will be tough but you can make it on your own. Worrying is just making things worse and making you depressed. Rely on friends and family for comfort. First thing is make a to do list and rate the importance of each. To me I would say focus on the job aspect first. after that then start thinking about looking for a new man. Don't think about the whole child thing. Its possible now to have children much later in life then ever before. And its in no one hands how that child turns out. You might want to go talk to a counsler about the depression if it starts to effect your ability to go out and find a job. Whatever you deicde to do just know you made the right decision and your strong enough to be on your own!

Answer 3

Are you kidding me? Yes, you're in your right mind for having left the asshole. You really shouldn't need us to validate your opinion but really now... if a guy a) hits you, b) cheats on you, and c) won't give you a second look for marriage, um....... that kinda screams 'GET OUT!' I don't mean to be catty or anything but you do NOT deserve the crap that you've put up with for 5 years. And your biological clock is NOT broken; you can still have babies as long as your stuff down there is ok. People have healthy babies even at the age of 40, you just gotta be careful is all. Don't let that all time low truly destroy you... It's just a passing phase, if you will. You've either gotta learn to overcome it or let it overtake you. If I were you, I wouldn't opt for the latter.

So keep your chin up and know that you've done the right thing. You're not done for, hun.

Answer 4

Geez, lighten up and have a little confidence in yourself. Your life is what you make it, so pull yourself out of the dumps and make it something better!

As for having kids, the chances of birth defects for a first child jumps dramatically after age 40 so just talk to your doctor when you find someone you want to have a child with...or consider adopting.

As for the cheater/abuser, good riddance. Why even give a 2nd thought to that loser? Better to be single the rest of your life honey, than with a creep like that. Count your blessings and move on.

Answer 5

My personal opinion is that a relationship with another person is supposed to compliment you as a person and your life...not fill a "void" or complete your happiness. Basically be self-sufficient on your own first and then you'll attract someone who will enhance the enjoyment of your life. If you think that being with a particular person or having a baby will "make you happy" then I'd recommend looking at it a bit differently. Find what will make you happy without another person first...

Question: what is the positive qualities of your BF? Are these qualities specific to him only or are they the qualities of a relationship? If your answers are "having someone to hold at night, watching a movie, etc..." well those are qualities that you'll find a relationship---not just him.

It sucks that now you're by yourself and w/o child...but actually it's very freeing...you can focus on you. If you want to move to another state you can. If you want to work nights you can. If you want to go back to school you can. you don't have to worry about feeding another mouth or discussing future plans with another. This is the time for you to be selfish and enjoy what you want to enjoy.

It's cheesy but true, when you're happy with just being with yourself then that's when love finds you...and you probably won't even realize it.

Answer 6

First of all do NOT have a baby with your ex, stay away from him, if he hits you he would hit a child and until the abuse got bad enough for child services to step in your child would have to suffer. Do you want that? Do you want to be tied to that jerk forever? No, do not have a bay with him!

You are not that old. You can still have a baby into your forties if you take care of yourself. My sister recently had her first child at 42, he's healthy and perfect!

You're lonely right now, it will pass. Hang out with family or friends, go to church, get a hobby, take an exercise class, just stay far away from your ex.

Good luck.....

Answer 7

look
you did the right thing
left him - the abuse was never going to stop
and you're one of the women who have had the guts to know they deserve
better and left the loser. as for the children situation. having a child later DOES NOT mean that he/she will have down syndrome! take your chances later one. not now, i mean if you had a child with that loser then where would you be? you'd feel like you should stay with him because of the kid and if you DID decide to leave then you'd most likely live below the poverty line, a child is really expensive. if you're meant to have a child then you will, or you could adopt one. i know that many people want biological children but why would you bring a child into this world if you couldn't take care of it - i mean look at all those innocent children suffering, abandoned or under child labor that need your help!
but only when you're REALLY ready!

Answer 8

well, if you are serious and you want to have a child, would you like to have a child with a man that will treat you like crap for the rest of your life and possibly make you miserable? Even though he might say that he will impregnate you and be out of your life, many men change their mind and make your life hell. I don't think this will help your situation at all. I would move on and find someone who will treat you good. Many women these days are having children into their 40's. Just makes sure you are doing everything you can to make your baby healthy....lots of vitamins and stuff like that. The doctors will also make sure everything is okay because they wouldn't want you to have any complications.

Answer 9

Girl you did the right thing and don't even think about going back to that ex of yours! He was a Basturd! You are a women, even if you were a man, you don't deserve to be abused at all! You are special! And honey, you don't need a man to have a kid, you can go to those sperm doctors and have that done or you can adopt! As for the job, start looking honey, for any job, well, a decent job might I say. It may be even working at Walgreens or Dairy Queen, but right now you are going to need that job to start getting off your feet and become more Independent!

Hope you get you're life back,

Sincerely,

Charnelle

Answer 10

You need to see a psychologist right away. You are talking crazy!!! Obviously you shouldn't have a child with an abuser - he will always be in your life then!!! And what's this talk about down syndrome? You're only 34. You need to get a hold of yourself, find a phone book, call a psychologist and make an appointment. Do not pass go, do not collect $200......