Friends of ours after 15 years of marriage got divorced, now the ex-husband is getting remarried less than a year after the quick surprise divorce . The kids are still reeling from the divorce, and the ex wife is suffering financially. My wife is hesitant about going, as she feels it is too soon, and its is selfish, given the kids issues. I feel its is not our position to judge, and we should not miss a lifecycle event for a friend of many years.
Do we go or not??
2007-08-20 09:28:24 · 30 answers · asked by julio 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If he is your friend, you should go. You may not agree with his choices but there is no reason to ruin a friendship over it.
2007-08-20 09:32:43 · answer #1 · answered by geistswoman 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Your wife has a valid point. Given that the wedding is so soon after the divorce, one would have to think that the current relationship could very well be the reason for the marriage breakup.
However, you shouldn't take sides in divorce situations either. No one knows what goes on inside of a marriage except the 2 people in the marriage. Of course, that's usually much easier said than done....
You know the people involved best. Will the ex-wife feel betrayed by you or your wife if you guys attend? What about the groom to be, how will he feel if you don't attend? Which ex-spouse are you guys closest to? I mean, if one of you works with the groom, and knew the wife because she was married to him, that's one thing. But if your wife worked with his wife through volunteering at the kids schools, etc., that's something else, you see?
I would make the decision based on which ex-spouse I was closest to, and you're right, not to make any judgements on good friends.
2007-08-20 10:18:40 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
this is a tough one! and weird that he would be having a formal wedding for his second marriage. he's put you in a difficult position. I guess if you are still friends with him, even after the way he's treating his ex wife, and children...you should go to the wedding. But if you truly feel that it's the wrong thing to do, he should be able to understand that everyone will not be so quick to be happy for him with the surrounding circumstances.
You could always make up an excuse at the last minute.
2007-08-20 09:33:55 · answer #3 · answered by 1912 Hudson 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Personally I'd skip it. You're in a sticky situation. Usually in a divorce case you are forced to chose and not able to be BOTH his and her friends. But if your wife has strong loyalties for the wife, going to his wedding so soon would be seen as betrayal.
I feel getting remarried less than a year after a divorce--when you have kids--shows that he knew this woman beforehand. It seems as if he may have left his wife for 15 yrs for this younger woman. If so, I wouldn't want the exwife to feel that we support this behavior.
If you want to remain friends with the husband, send a gift but send your regrets. If you are really close to the husband but your wife is really close to the ex-wife, why not go to the wedding by yourself and not make your wife go? Those are 2 ways to compromise.
You are in a sticky situation and usually friends of a divorced couple are forced to take sides. It requires careful planning and patience to remain friends with both.
2007-08-20 09:42:15 · answer #4 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You are caught in the middle here - your wife is hesitant about the situation and you want to offer support to your friend. Maybe a compromise can be worked out. You can either attend the wedding or just send a gift with a nice card. And it depends how close you are to the ex-husband.
2007-08-20 09:37:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
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2016-10-02 23:01:15 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Go. As a friend, you should be there to support them all...and that includes his new marriage. To many, the new marriage may seem too hasty, but you need to keep in mind that there are no set time limits for getting over a failed relationship. You are right; You are in no position to judge, and odds are, your buddy has been getting razzed by his friends and family as it is for remarrying so soon. Be a supportive, good friend and go.
2007-08-20 09:33:41 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel-Pit Police-DSMG 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I wouldn't go unless his ex is going. Going would be saying that you approve of what he did to his kids and his ex wife. That is not right. He didn't honor his marriage so what makes you think he will honor this one.
It is very very wrong.
2007-08-24 08:42:56 · answer #8 · answered by †Evonne† 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who needs your friendship and support the most now? If your wife wants to support the exwife and children then let her. Go to the wedding by yourself. I don't think you should ruin your friendship with the husband, but don't make your wife do something that she feels uncomfortable with. If this was my husband's friend doing something like this to his wife and kids I would expect my husband to attend the wedding, but I can honestly say that I would not go.
2007-08-20 09:59:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I think both you and your wife should go. If your friend's children are at this event, make sure that both of you speak with the kids, ask them how they feel and tell them that they can always speak with you and your wife. Be there as a support for the family.
As for the groom, it has been my experience that those who rush into a re-bound wedding will very soon need friends for that re-bound divorce.
2007-08-20 09:42:33 · answer #10 · answered by CatLaw 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I'm not sure going or not going will make a difference. The fact is the guy is getting married. He's the inconsiderate one. If your wife doesn't want to go, don't force her and if you want to support her, then don't go either.
Personally, I would probably confront the guy, but I'm a real jerk about that kind of stuff.
2007-08-20 09:37:48 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋