Could he be abusive?
Is this a warning?
Should I be carefull?
Does this mean that he wants to get married?Should I be carefull?
I'm torn. I have been dating this man for about two months now.Lately he has been telling me that he wants me to go to Arizona in November to meet his family,friends,everyone.H... and I live here in California and he wants to move to New York with him next year.He asked me last weekend if I can have children.I'm a little hesitant because he has a really BADDD temper.He got mad at me and punched the wall.We went on an outing to the park. I told him that I needed to go to the bathroom.When I got back from the bathroom he showed me his camera.He had followed me and took pictures of me as I went to the bathroom aal the way until I went inside.I remember stopping to talk to a lady about her dog,he took pictures of that too.Am I jumping to conclusions or should I be carefull?
2007-08-20 08:55:28 · 36 answers · asked by DO YOU LOVE ME♥*´`*•.¸★｡ 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
This guy obviously has some serious issues. You can do way better than that. Chunk him a duece. How can some man loose his temper in fromt of a women he has only been dating for two months and punch a wall. I could see if you had been together for 2 years and his dog died, but this sounds outrageous, almost like you made this up. use your brain and trust your gut on this one.
2007-08-20 09:03:30 · answer #1 · answered by BRad 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Careful, yes, I would recommend that in any relationship...however, I don't know either of you and would not presume to label someone abusive based on limited info.
Him wanting you to meet his family is an indication that he's thinking long-term rather than short-term...so is the question about children.
Punching a wall is a LOT better than punching you...my dad was a wonderful husband and father...he never laid a hand on my mother but I do remember several holes in the walls and doors made by his fist. Now if he was angry because you spilled a glass a milk, that would scare me...but if he had a good reason for being very angry with you, it might speak well about his self control that he was able to direct his anger to a wall.
Re: the pictures, if he is a photographer (professional or amateur...in other words, if he really likes taking pictures and takes a lot of them)... taking pictures of you walking to the bathroom and back isn't unusual...I frequently discovered my ex snapping candid photos of me when I wasn't paying attention. The fact that he showed you his camera is also a positive sign...he sounds a lot like my ex in this respect and though I wasn't comfortable with how closely he watched me, I do think it was because he was in love with me not because he was a sicko or anything like that.
Be careful certainly...take it slow and don't move across the country until you're sure, but I don't think that anything you mentioned is a HUGE red flag.
2007-08-20 09:30:30 · answer #2 · answered by KAL 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When a man punches a wall:
he definatley has strength and no selfcontrol
When a man wants to know if you'll do things your not sure about for him:
he is a control freak and a tirant
When a man takes too many pictures:
he is possesive, obbssesive, and all around no good.
HE WILL MAKE YOU INTO SOMETHING TO WHERE YOU DO NOT KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE AND HE WILL HUNT YOU DOWN IF YOU DONT TURN FROM HIM
Now... you will NOT plan a getaway with packing your stuff while he's not there. When you have a chance get all your valuable things and LEAVE...meaning your purse money and small things that don't fit into a big suitcase or any type other than a big purse so if he catches you he's not suspicious.
IF HE LAYS ANY THREAT ON YOU GO TO POLICE STATION GET WHATEVER YOU CAN TO KEEP HIM AWAY.
the sooner the better. i need you to calm down, make sure he's not around and follow these steps.
-**there have been too many victims of this DONT become another**-
2007-08-20 09:13:25 · answer #3 · answered by jrichelled 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to use an old cliche', but IF IT FEELS WRONG, IT PROBABLY IS!
If you absolutely cannot make yourself leave him (And I SERIOUSLY suggest you do leave him NOW), then at least don't have children with him! And do not let him move you across the country!
A lot of abusive, controlling people (both men and women), try to take the abused party away from their support system. They move them away from all family, all friends, any church support..... anyone the abused person could get help from. The theory behind this is that you won't leave if you have nowhere to go. It's easier to run to mom's house across town than it is to run across the country.
PLEASE do not let this happen. Search your heart. If you are scared, there is most likely a good reason. You have instincts for a reason. Use them!
2007-08-20 09:08:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my goodness girl you really need to leave this one alone.
You are blessed to see these signs so early on. He will take away from everyone you know so that he in total control your smart enough to know this isn't right you only been dating 2 month just image how he will treat you in 2 years. And being so crazy that you can't even go to the bathroom in peace BIG WARNING SIGNS and I know us women have the tenacy to think that you just put it on him good no honey this is so much more he needs help I can only give you the advice that you are asking for get out of this relationship and fast next time it won't be the wall it will be your face and I know that you know that you are to good for that
2007-08-20 09:15:25 · answer #5 · answered by craving cash 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Him punching the wall is a giant RED FLAG to get away from this guy. Abusive men never really show how bad they are until they think they have you under them. Plus him being that disrespectful by taking a camera into the bathroom. Do you really want to find out later on what kind of mean spirited things he will continue to do?
Hopefully I'm wrong. I wish the best for you good luck!
2007-08-20 09:01:38 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The wall punching is very worrisome, as well as following you without you knowing. It sounds like he has a very possessive personality, and this can lead to problems later on.
If you really want to be with this man, I suggest counseling before you two get married or have children. If he disagrees, then leave. You can find someone who will not harm you or make you feel uncomfortable.
2007-08-20 09:02:15 · answer #7 · answered by Michelle M 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would definately give this relationship more time before getting any more serious. And if there are any more "temper" incidents, I would leave immediately.
If he uses guilt as a motivator to get you to do things, or uses jealousy as an excuse for bad behavior as "proof that he cares for you" then you should definitely be concerned. This is indicative of abusive patterns.
2007-08-20 09:01:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get away from him. He has serious issues and it is something to be very concerned about. Moving with him and having children shouldn't be something that you guys are discussing only two months into a relationship. He just wants to trap you from the sound of it. He definitely has psycho possessive tendencies......Get out now!
2007-08-20 09:00:35 · answer #9 · answered by kimberly M 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
What can I say, I am glad I am not you.
Not that I would want to be your boyfriend. no offence, but he does seem like a creep. Exit/Sortie is what I would say to you.
I mean, come on! I know many gals digg that bad boy stuff, but its children and marriage your talkng about. He and his camera will be omniscient and omnipresent in his apartment.
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Even an ogre would be less creepy/obnoxious, and that's saying something. He seems to be like those annoying creepy freaks that teenagers meet in movies like Texas Chainsaw and House of Wax.
2007-08-20 09:03:26 · answer #10 · answered by shrek 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋