A girl I know is making very public allegations about a man I also know, regarding rape. She claims that he tried to have sex with her when she was asleep a number of months ago when they were in a relationship. As far as I knew at the time they split up amicably about a month ago.
She seems very angry and agrieved about it and seems to be making sure that as many people know about it as she can.
He on the other hand completely denies it and seems very shocked that she has suddenly started making these claims.
In my opinion he seems to be a decent chap and doesn't - as far as I know - have a history of sexual misconduct. She seems to be a fairly nice person but does have a reputation for being a little crazy and manic.
I really don't know what to think. I feel as though I ought to take a position on this as it is such a serious allegation but I really can't make out whether or not she is launching a smear campaign on an innocent guy or whether he really has a dark side.
2007-08-20 08:18:03 · 35 answers · asked by tuthutop 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She is not persuing it legally
2007-08-20 08:29:03 · update #1
Rape allegations should go to the police. To come out with this several months later reeks of revisionist history or a smear campaign. Even if her allegations are true, she is not accusing him of violence, just trying to get it on in the middle of the night. So, even if there were a video of what happened I am not sure if he would even be charged, much less convicted, of rape. This woman is doing a diservice to real rape victims.
2007-08-20 08:25:50 · answer #1 · answered by brinntache 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all have a "dark side" but that does not mean it may be dark enough to rape a person. Trying to have sex with a person while they are asleep is a ridiculous notion when you really take a look at it. You're either going to wake the person up in order to begin sexual advances or they're too asleep to care. They are not, however, too asleep to stop those advances if they did indeed occur! Does she also claim to have been comatose?
Consensual sex is just that! If they had been in a relationship at that time who is to say whether or not they didn't do the same thing some of the time? It also goes both ways...perhaps she also tried to awaken him at times in order to have sex. There's no law against these things unless you use abusive force in order to have your way.
By what you've stated here, it would be my opinion that she is trying to stir this injurious pot of stew in order to have him make contact with her. I know that sounds crazy but crazier still is the fact that she has come out with these allegations so many months later.
You needn't take a "position" on this unfortunate set of circumstances at this time but I would certainly warn both of the possible consequences of such accusations. You mentioned that you knew them both but did not allude to any feelings of friendship you may have toward either. I would say that she needs professional help and he might just need a friend right about now!
2007-08-20 08:39:27 · answer #2 · answered by Chris B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
rape is a very very serious issues so tell your friend to be careful around this girl. I really can't give an opinion on this because I do not know the people or the full situation that is going on. All I can say is that if this girl is lying and only saying these things because she is bitter and resentful over a bad relationship. She really needs help because the man being accused could get in trouble for a very long time and have to live with the label of rapist for the rest of his life. And if convicted of the crime would have to be entered into the sex offender registry.Hopefully everything works out the way it should.....
2007-08-20 08:26:40 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is making a claim like that, she needs to go to the police. Attempted rape is serious and should be treated so. If she is serious about what he did, then she should report it.
However, even if she does, there is going to be no evidence, save for one persons word against another. It does sound as though she is making it up, although why, I couldn't even begin to guess.
If something like that happened to me, i would do something about it straight away, not wait a few months to break up, and amicably.
someone needs to tell her to either make an official complaint, or stop with the slander. That sort of thing could ruin his reputation forever, and he has no way of getting that back. I would be on his side, after all, innocent until proven guilty.
2007-08-20 08:28:25 · answer #4 · answered by louloubelle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it could very well be that she didnt understand what happened to her immedietely. i know i had a similar situation - the situation being i was drunk and passed out and did not find out about anything until i found the video tape at which point i was mortified. This was the guy I shared an apt with and had at some point had a brief relationship however, if a person is sleeping or drunk or in any way unable to cosent or not, it's not consensual period. It could be should doubted herself and her feelings but after talking with some people determined she really was raped. When in relationships it can be - i want to say confusing - its not really but its hard when lines have been smudged to really look at a situation objectively esp from the inside. I wouldnt take sides in either case. If she really feels she was raped, she should pursue it in a court of law if she really wants to get this guy (with the exception of her possibly being inhbited about the situation and from what you are saying - she isn't). time will tell
2007-08-20 08:27:00 · answer #5 · answered by bbq 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all by making such accusations she needs to make a police report and be checked by a medical doctor to support her allegations. Other wise the gentlemen in question can sue her for making false accusations and seek financial retribution for pain and suffering cause by this incident. I suggest the gentlemen contact a lawyer in regards to this matter. Good Luck. Live Life to the Fullest and Enjoy
2007-08-20 09:30:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Generally the easiest way to go is to follow the rule that one is not guilty until proven innocent.
If there was no hospital visit, no police report and no investigation, then one has to wonder if she is just running her mouth. Especially if she apparently woke up and said no and then decided it was so unimportant that they continued to date and even split up amicably. The third damning element against the woman is that she didn't say anything 'til now.
Rape or attempted rape is, of course, a terrible thing. And if it happened, he should go to a prison with lots of angry huge men of questionable sexual power issues. But it is hard in this case to blame 'your friend'.
2007-08-20 08:33:07 · answer #7 · answered by swimeveryday 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't know what happened because you weren't there, however, she is either wanting to warn others that maybe behind closed doors this guy is aggressive. When I first graduated I started dating this guy and he was great when other people were around, but he was very aggressive and rude behind closed doors. You don't know anything about this guy except that he appears to be a decent chap. I wouldn't judge either way. I wouldn't get involved. Maybe she was too terrified earlier to come out with this or maybe she told one person in confidence and they spread it. You don't excatly know the whole story. This is their fight let it be their fight. Because I would hate to side with him and then it turn out that this guy did attack her or try to do something she didn't want to do then the innocent become the bad guy. It happens. Just don't spread anything and stay out of it.
2007-08-20 08:47:36 · answer #8 · answered by Mommy2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would keep clear of the conversation with either of them. If one of them brings it up around you, simply say you support them and hope that the truth comes to light. Not really anything else you can say.
I think my instinctive response would be that whomever discusses it more is lying. But that is merely my two cent opinion, but it seems like no one would be very open about talking about this sort of thing if it happened.
edit: You know what else I might do? Urge both to go to the police. Her to claim she was raped and him for (I don't know what you'd even call it, but there is slander and possibly libel in her allegations if she's making it up). Who ever goes first is telling the truth.
2007-08-20 08:29:35 · answer #9 · answered by randyken 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave it alone or u may end up caught in the middle. tell someone (adult) u heard this and what ur opinion on both sides is. she may be trying 2 get him back 4 her loss of their relationship-he may be a bad guy. u'll never know-i'd stay out of it. think it over but don't let them know ur opinion. if u do like say ur hangn' out and he says she's crazy and u agree then go 2 her and she says he did it and u agree again that'll raise more HELL hang out w/the dude if u know him that well. if he slips up(carry a small voice recorder if u have 2)or throws a pitch ur way that sounds like he did do something then go 2 the police-but personaly i'd pray for both of them and stay out of it-since u don't have any proof of anything-just allegations
2007-08-20 08:28:31 · answer #10 · answered by dragonbabe08 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋