My mother in-law has a habit of giving us things (we don't ask) just give us something then want it back. For instance we needed some blankets she gave us some of her old and I mean old like the stuffing was coming out with out us asking. We used them for awhile and when we could afford some we bought some and threw those out because they were falling apart. She got bent out of shape and said we should of given it back. My feeling it was a gift if I only used it one day or never once you give it to someone it is gone. I have given people stuff like baby clothes or whatever and I don't want it back. I don't even ask if they use it. It was a gift if they want to give it to someone else that is there business. This is just one in a long list of different examples of things she has given us then wants to know how often, duration, and frequency of use. Or will out right ask for it back and say she just loaned it to us even though she said this is for you because I don't need it anymore. She now gets mad because we don't accept anything from her anymore not even Christmas gifts because we are tired of the way she acts. Are we the ones wrong or is it her ?
2007-08-20 08:06:18 · 11 answers · asked by Big Daddy R 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Some ppl use 'gifts' as a way to control another person. It is a way to keep another person obligated to them. That way if you make her mad she can always remind you of her generosity, or insist on taking the gift back.
OR
it might just be that she feels insulted that you bought something new rather then continue to use her gifts. It might make her feel slighted, and insisting on the return of the blankets is her way of snapping back.
It might be one of these things...or it might be that she is just one of those people who hate to throw things out. Either way, just be careful what you "borrow" from her next time.
2007-08-20 08:48:34 · answer #1 · answered by starrzfan 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she things everything she gives is a loan and not a gift. It does sound like she has a weird quirk about things. Did she grow up poor? Maybe she wants to be sure things are well used and if they aren't wants to get it back so she can use it or have someone else use it. It is really rude of her to ask for gifts back though and I don't think you should feel obligated to give gifts back at all.
2007-08-20 08:39:55 · answer #2 · answered by Treece 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should accept gifts for Christmas and birthdays but refuse all others. Then if you are done with the gifts, ask her if she wants them back and say something like "We are done with this, do you want it or shall I give it to some charity?"
I had a friend ask for a gift back once because she never saw me use it. I just told her "no, you can't have it but you can borrow it". I thought her request was strange.
2007-08-20 09:35:44 · answer #3 · answered by bebop 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's wrong. You ought to go out and buy her a really nice quality blanket, and say, "I thought you gave us that as a gift, but I guess you meant it as a loan. We'll have to be sure we understand eachother in the future". You'll come off looking like the bigger person, while also making her feel stupid, which is a win win situation.
2007-08-20 08:23:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think gifts are gifts and loans are loans and she should let you know for sure which one it is before you take it. But sounds like you are doing the right thing in not accepting since she is making everything such a problem.
2007-08-20 08:18:24 · answer #5 · answered by Doodles 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is normally considered rude.
Since this is your mother in law and this seems to be a habit of hers perhaps you should explain politely to her that to avoid further confusion that although you appreciate her generosity you can't accept anymore 'gifts'. It seems you have already done something similar so kudos for being proactive.
2007-08-20 08:18:28 · answer #6 · answered by Riot 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She's wrong, and you are right. My mother is the same way. She gives me old stuff, and then expects me to keep it indefinitely, even though I can't use it. If you give someone something, consider it gone, because it's not fair to expect it back.
2007-08-20 08:36:06 · answer #7 · answered by twinmom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your mother in law. Give it back to her or give it to someone else who needs it, that way, her generosity is not in vain.
Whenever a person gets offended, it is not even a matter of right or wrong. Sometimes we have to be sensitive about other person's feelings and put ourselves in their shoes.
You will become a mother-in-law someday and you will understand.
2007-08-20 08:20:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would be embarassed to ask for a present back that I had given.
2007-08-20 08:37:38 · answer #9 · answered by fundamentalist1981 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you will be able to desire to p.c..- do you opt to be including your spouse, or do you opt to be including your female pal? the certainty which you made the blunders of giving your spouse the present meant on your female pal is an illustration that your unconscious needs to come back sparkling. i could carry off to any extent further touch including your female pal till you opt for no count in case you opt to be including your spouse, or her- it is not honest to the two of them to could desire to share. additionally, in some states, cheating spouses could desire to pay alimony for years after the divorce.
2016-10-16 06:11:12 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋