Is this a cry for help, what do I do?

Question

Yesterday, my fiance and I went to a few different people's houses to find daycare for our 6 mos old daughter. After going to dinner with one couple we really liked we had one more stop to go before we made our decision. When we got there, the baby was in a diaper that was sagging badly. The house was a mess, the mom had a black eye and looked like she'd been crying. She apologized for her husband not being able to join us, as something came up. Her two year old was under a table and wouldn't come out and say hi, and just had a pull-up on. I saw a lot of beer bottles by the sink in the kitchen and the woman kept saying things would be all cleaned up by the time I dropped my daughter off, but she really needed the job. Her husband was "hounding" her to help out with bills and they couldn't afford daycare for their own kids so she though watching someone else's would be a good idea. We said we hadn't made our decision yet. Today I called her and let her know that unfortunatly we went

with someone else, and she started crying on the phone to me. I don't know if she was on something, if her husband is abusive, but it looked like she was in a bad situation. I asked her if she needed help in any other way for her and her kids, and she got all abrupt and said, "I'm a good parent, and no my husband doesn't hit me I'm just clumsy." So I guess I should stay out of it, or should I call CPS or Victims Advocate or something? I'm really lost. Please help.

Answer 1

call child protective services and do not let your children any near the family (sorry i am stating the obvious) i grew up in a house hold like that and i no wat them kids are going through my mum was desperate for help and went to serious lengths to get it (will not go into detail but it was scary) you will be doing the kids a favour the women well that depends on how strong she to leave him and stick to her guns but if the kids are in care thats some thing at least they can get a stable home life and also if they need it when they are older counselling for what they are going through please do not sit back and do nothing please please please you seem like a decent person and i have every faith in you that you will do right by those children and you can remain annoymouse in your phone call to social services

Answer 2

First, call CPS. Those children need help badly. It's obvious. Also, the mother does seem to be being abused. The response she gave you was classic denial and defesiveness that a lot of women in her situation have. A lot of women are afraid to ask for help because they feel that they will be criticized or have their children taken away in the process. My mother was abused for almost my entire childhood by my father, and she would leave, get desperate for help (she would try supporting all 5 of us kids by waitressing) and go back to him. It's a vicious cycle. Unfortunately, the woman can make her choices, but those kids cannot. They are completely helpless in the whole situation. I don't know about everywhere, but it's actually a punishable crime here in Texas if you DON'T report known abuse or neglect of children. That's not to say you'll be in trouble or anything. Those things are really hard to prosecute. But it does say something for the necessity of reporting abuse. Also, CPS won't just march right in and take the kids. They will do an investigation and give the mother a chance to improve the situation and offer help where needed, like a shelter, parenting classes, etc. It's the best thing to do.

Answer 3

I would call CPS- you can inform anonymously. It sounds as if this person is in a bad situation. Someone this unstable should not be watching other people's children, and it doesn't sound like a good environment for her own, either. CPS will come investigate, and will make any decisions that need being made, but it will ease your conscience to know that at least you made a move that could help a family in need.

Answer 4

I agree call CPS and social services. She is most likely in denial or addicted to booze or drugs. Most women who find themselves in situations like that don't know how to get out, or are to scared to. So even if you feel like you are doing a horrible thing, call the authorities. If in fact she is being abused but not an alcholic or anything CPS will help her get a job, and a place to live and let her have her children. And well if she does have some kind of problem then feel good that you got those kids out of the situation.

Answer 5

call social services or child protective services and explain the situation to them....tell them you simply would like a welfare check to make sure they are ok because when you left things didn't seem to be going good for them...if nothing else you will get her a step in the right direction to getting help with bills or maybe its to the extent of where the mother and the child need to be removed from the home....they don't like to separate the kids of the family...not only is there not enought foster homes but they try to make it work out first....if things dont go well that is when the pull the kids and/or one of the parents....call...i've ran a daycare for many years and had to call on many families the first one is always the worst...your heart is pounding, your hopeing your doing the right choice but looking back those kids are in a better place with one of their parents rather than in an abusive home and being neglected with both of the parents....GOOD LUCK!!! remember that little child needs a loving home...you would wish that for your own children why not someone elses!!

Answer 6

you for one were smart to not trust your child with this person as if i even have to say that. I would call cps I know I could not live wiht myself knowing there was a baby in that situation wich by the way sounds crazy. by the way if you get some bitchy person at cps hang up and try again sometimes they have people working there who would rather not do there job so if for any reason the first person brushes you off call back

Answer 7

I think you should go with your gut. It sounds like they need help, but you can't give what someone won't take either. If I were you, I would just call her back and apologize, telling her you didn't mean to make it sound like she was a bad mom, you think she's probably a very good mom. You certainly didn't mean to insult her, it was just the way things looked. Try to be her friend and ask her if she would like to have playdates with you and your child. Then perhaps you can find out more about the situation before you do something drastic like calling CPS. She might be more likely to confide in you her problems if you become her friend too.

Answer 8

Did she have an explanation for how she accidentally let all those beer bottles pile up?

Call a women's shelter, and ask them for advice. She really sounds like she's being abused... and so do the kids.

Also, call CPS. Even if she won't leave, get the kids out of there. It's NOT a safe environment for them, and they're obviously not being taken care of.

I wouldn't take my kids within a mile of that house, either.

Answer 9

ummm, yeah. I think I would call the authorities. It sounds like that lady is in a really bad situation.
I used to deliver pizzas and at a house that I delivered to one night there was crying and yelling and thumping coming from the house. I called 911 as soon as I got to the car.
This lady doesn't know you very well, I assume, and probably wouldn't tell you personal details about her life like whether or not her husband beats her. And honestly...don't take this the wrong way, but the lady can get up and walk away...that kid is stuck there. What if the child is getting harmed??
Call someone and let them check it out.

Answer 10

Holy crap!!! Umm, normally I'm all for keeping your nose in your own business but this sounds serious. If she's not willing to get herself help for both her and her children than someone has to stand up for the little ones. I'd call social services if I were you, if you think the children are being neglected/abused.