my mum's attitude?

Question

my mum has shrunk from a healthy curvy 14 to under a size 6 in about 3 years due to a stomach ulcer caused by medication. I know this isnt her fault and it isnt much fun for her, but her attitude sometimes gets to me.
Whenever she goes to eat a meal she makes comments which makes me feel she has adopted an unhealthy disliking for food which is perhaps subconsciously stopping her from putting the weight back on?
I myself am a happy curvy size 12 and I don't mind by body, but she also makes comments that I sometimes find hurtful and unnecessary. For instance she commented on a woman in the street calling her a fatso, even though she cant have been much larger then me!
I know she cant be making hurtful comments on purpose, but after 3 years, its starting to get to me.

I love my mum so much and its sad I cant do much to help her, but I would be thankful if anyone in a similar position could get in touch, or if you could give me some advice on coping with her illness. Thanks.

Answer 1

You may want to suggest that she talk to a counselor about it. You may want to point out that some of the comments she makes hurt your feelings, as well... that may help her to understand why she should talk to one.

Answer 2

My mom's who's only 5'2 and now 57 yrs old went over 200lbs for many years. It was only when she experienced a hernia so bad that that she had to be hospitalized and was forced to lose weight that she started to become sensible with her eating habits and diet.

I'm 34 and was "always" skinny up until my mid 20's. From poor lifestyle choices, I gained a lot of weight and when I tipped the scales at 202 (by age 30), I knew it was time to 'grow up'.

I share the above to give you some background... Something I've learned as an adult is that even parents can be immature and a lot of the time, the parent is completely unaware of their behaviours. I look at my dad who has been diagnosed with diabetes and complains to me he's sick all the time, but does not follow the appropriate eating regime.

I agree with some of the other ppl's posts - sounds like your mom may have some "mental health coping strategies" that she relys on; however, they are not mentally healthy choices.

It's time for you to be the "bigger person" and no, I don't mean from a literal size stand point. I recommend you talking to your doctor about coping strategies for you when she starts on these negative moments. Definitely don't feed into them and subtly change the topic.

You sound healthy and I applaud you for being a "proud size 12", I'm one too and making much better lifestyle choices.

Cheers!

Answer 3

She may have had an ulcer but the medication would not cause her weight loss, eating less would. Could it be she has bulimia? That could cause an ulcer. Her negative comments about your weight and strangers leads me to wonder if she has other mental health issues.

The best thing you can do for her attitude toward your weight is to ignore it. Change the subject. A size 12 is not large, below the average for the adult American woman of size 14 (like Mrs Bush).

And if you are really concerned, perhaps you could drop a note to her doctor about what you observe, informing the doctor about issues that could adversely affect her health.

If you are an adult, then I would strongly suggest you find other activities to do with your Mother than going out to eat. You cannot change her only the environment

Answer 4

Try talking to a close family member about this (maybe a sibling) and see if they agree with you. You might not be the only one who has noticed your mums change.

I also think you should gently try and drop hints to your mum. It is neither your nor your mums fault so dont be too agressive. Suggest she sees a psyciatrist or dietician who will be able to assess her and see if she does have a mental problem with food. Just remind her that you're doing it because you're concerned about her.

Good luck!!!!!!!

Answer 5

listen to her and try to understand her feelings and needs that are under these comments. you can't make the comments stop. you need to work on listening and understanding her better so you can understand why she says them.