My boyfriend has been screwing up a lot lately, and I know it's partly my fault because I keep forgiving him for everything that he does. It hasn't been anything major like cheating or something, but other things that really p*ssed me off. Well Saturday we got into a fight and he left me at the bar and took my car! He did come back and get me after I threatened to call the cops. Well he apologized last night and I told him that "sorry" was just not good enough anymore. I told him I wanted his apologizes to have more effort and that he cannot just keep making mistakes and expect me to just take him back all the time. I don't want to lose him, but I need him to realize that things cannot go on like this. He asked me what I wanted him to do, but I really don't know. What kind of things should someone do to apologize, besides saying I'm sorry? How do I get him to put more effort into his apologies?
2007-08-20 06:33:33 · 20 answers · asked by Ray Ray 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
be honest, review the relationship with him. give him the chance to explain why he at the time thouhgt it was ok to leave you there and take off with your car and why he thought sorry was the sure way back into your arms. the best advice i could ever give a woman in a relationship is this: Focus your attention on the good and productive. we, yes i mean all of us, if you'll notice tend to blow up when one thing goes wrong, but when compliments are recieved, we give little if any effort into recieving them, like its expected. i gaurantee that any relationship with these kind of problems can be fixed if both parties stood back and thought about what really mattered. there a reason he left you there, though it make take some effort to force it out of him there is one. there is a reason that you feel he is getting worse about his relationship habits.... if you want it to work, work this problem out, talk about a better way to handle it the next time and when something goes wrong in the relationship, think before you act, a lesson he needs to learn.
2007-08-20 08:17:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness is a must in relationships, but he needs to realize that it is not all about him. When someone apologizes, the way they show they truly are sorry is not to do it again. Are his apologies even sincere since he keeps doing the same things over? He may just be saying he is sorry for the moment so you do not get upset and things will just go on as normal. Relationships take a lot of work, and selfishness with ruin it. You can't be the only one putting any effort into it. What about him makes you not want to lose him? If your answer is "just having a boyfriend," then you truly would be better without him. Everyone deserves someone who actually cares about the other person and enjoys making them happy. No matter how upset he was with you, he has no right being so selfish and unkind as to leave you at a bar and take your car. He needs to get his act together. No relationship will last if both people can't put the other person first. There is no way you can make him put more effort into it. He has to want to.
2007-08-20 06:52:41 · answer #2 · answered by heatherbreeze6113 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting him to put more effort into apologies isn't what you should focus on. Getting him to stop hurting you is. He's not going to change if the behavior repeats most likely. You should break up with him and tell him that his continual habit of hurting you is the reason. If he really wants to change, he'll apologize and come back to you. But if you starts acting up again, cut your losses. Believe it or not, there are other guys out there that will treat you better.
2007-08-20 06:40:52 · answer #3 · answered by Sizzle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is partly your fault because he thinks that he's just going to get a spanking for his mistakes and that's it.
just voice it to him that he's going to have to realize what a great catch you are and he needs to show how much he appreciates you. you two can't be arguing and him fly off the handle, taking your car, leaving you stranded for hours. if he doesn't show anything anytime soon on a regular basis...where he actually respects you, you need to let him know that you will be leaving in the next 30 days and you're gone forever.
you can't be addicted to this kind of behavior of arguing and forgiving. i don't know what your parents' relationship was or your relationship with at least one of your parents, but the relationships you have now normally mirror what you used to have or were exposed to. there needs to be better communication rather than expression of feelings through actions. who knows, this might be close to the end of you two being together.
2007-08-20 06:46:54 · answer #4 · answered by lilbuttonose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is about respect, and this is learned behavior. We say sorry not to end a fight, but let the other person know that we were wrong, and that we will not do this any more, seperation would cause alienation, and fear and distrust, if you did the same to hime it would only make you look like you are mocking him, or being cruel..you need to be able to reach an agreement, based on respect. If you cannot i would say good night and leave it at that.
2007-08-20 06:43:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is too much of a coward to break with you, so he is trying to provoke you into telling him to leave. This guy is nothing but trouble, and while you seem to enjoy the challenge, it is preventing you from finding a good guy. Don't waste time in this power struggle with a bad tempered child in a man's body. Words don't count with him but actions do, and stop being used and abused. As he asks you what you want him to do, he is shifting responsibility to you for his actions. Dump this devious user, deep down, he may be wanting another man. Best wishes
2007-08-20 06:48:31 · answer #6 · answered by tylernmi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like he needs to put more effort into his apologies but into treating you with more respect and care. He should be the one online asking how he can show you he is sorry and what some idea are to really show you he means them.
2007-08-20 06:40:00 · answer #7 · answered by Mona 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever seen the movie Liar Liar. If you have you will understand this, tell him to "stop breaking the law azzhole"
If you haven't seen the movie: tell him to stop doing things he has to apologize for and give some thought to your feelings instead of just his own. If he can't do that, leave him, it will only get worse.
2007-08-20 06:44:32 · answer #8 · answered by ophirhodji 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess you never have any thing to do with the fights!!!!! Why is it he must make nice with you. Let me ask you what do you do when you P**S him off? I am sorry. It sounds to me you should be lucky he is even with you any more If I said I was sorry for something and it isn't good enough for you I would have kicked you to the curb along time ago princess!!!!!!!
2007-08-20 06:42:44 · answer #9 · answered by bjg76522 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you can't change your boyfriend's personality or his unwillingness to grovel at your feet and beg for mercy.
bars aren't a good place for 'dates' and if your world revolves around this type of activity you might want to rethink your date nights... really... alcohol doesn't improve relationships or personalities (just saying).
if your boyfriend doesn't meet your standards, then perhaps take some time out for you, decide what you want from life, and go after it.
2007-08-20 06:37:47 · answer #10 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋