OK, so, 2 years ago, while I was with my current S/O, I started to see another man. We spent a weekend together (he is in the military) and then a few weeks later we spent about 10 days together. In between, we talked on the phone and e-mailed a ton. When we were together he introduced me to his family and then asked me to marry him. I never actually said no, but I did not accept his offer to buy me a ring.
Well, needless to say, my S/O found out. He e-mailed the guy and told him who he was and what was going on. The on the side guy then e-mailed me and basically called me a B**** (I was, so he was right) and said he never wanted to talk to me again. I was busy trying to make it work with my S/O, so I left it at that.
WELL, the other guy is on MySpace. I happened upon his profile while he was in Iraq. He is now back and I would like to send him a brief message apologizing for my past actions and letting him know I am glad he made it home OK. Would that be hurtful and selfish?
2007-08-20 06:29:42 · 15 answers · asked by Polly Pocket 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The "other guy" did not know about my S/O at all, so he was not a party to my cheating, mearly a victim.
I don't expect him to forgive me, nor do I really want him to. I know I was wrong and don't deserve it. I am just struggling with the decision because I do want him to know it wasn't him, I just was a terrible person, but I also don't want to open up that wound for him again, especially since he specifically said he didn't want to talk to me ever again. Also, if I choose to send him a message, am I required to tell me S/O? It is still a sore point with him and I am worried he would take it the wrong way, however, I do not want to hide it from him.
2007-08-20 06:30:38 · update #1
You made a mistake, as we all do. You should tell your S/O before you message him.Why? Because then, you're letting him know he can trust you because you have nothing to hide. From what you've said you are not interested in getting back together with this guy. You just want things to be okay between the two of you. You're S/O should understand that, and be okay with it. Because yes, I'm sure you two now have trust issues, but you're with him, and that's all he should think about. If you had any intentions of getting back together with the guy, that's what the message would be about. If you don't tell your S/O, there's a HIGH CHANCE he would find out about it, and then old wounds would definately open up again. Your S/O would think you have intentions of continuing a conversation with the guy, and starting things over again.
Good luck girl, and don't be too hard on yourself. You're trying to make things right.
2007-08-20 06:37:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You cheated, wether or not sex was involved, and now here you are again looking for an excuse to open contact with this man. Grow up. If you want that sort of lifestyle at least have the guts to leave the guy you are with. If the guy answers you and is abbusive in his reply you deserved it, he obviously moved on why cant you? Sooner or later this situation will happen to you and then you can feel it from the other side.
2007-08-20 06:37:34 · answer #2 · answered by Diamond Dogs 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't bother sending the guy a message, you don't want to open up a new can of worms on this one, maybe write a letter that you would send but just tear it up, you seem to have unresolved feelings surrounding this, what if the other guy was very forgiving and wanted you back, then you have yourself in another love triangle, I say leave it as is, and work on your relationship with your S/O be sure that this is where you want to be though.
2007-08-20 06:36:12 · answer #3 · answered by LocalCelebMrsParks 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would just leave it be for now. no matter how sorry you are. Maybe right the other guy an apology letter and get out all you emotions on paper, then rip it up and throw it away. Maybe a few years down the road, when he has had time to heal and move on, just simply message 'hi' to him. If he responds, then I would apologize. If not, then move on, he is still hurt. Best wishes!
2007-08-20 06:38:19 · answer #4 · answered by j c 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have already hurt two people (three if you count yourself, and if you are capable of human feelings at all). Now you want to contact the Other Guy who has (hopefully) just gotten over you. Put another way, you want to reopen his emotional wounds just to make yourself feel better. Sounds incredibly immature, self-centered and rotten to me. You probably don't even know if he's with another woman who would also be hurt if you popped back up into the picture.
Leave the guy alone, and get over your selfish self.
2007-08-20 06:39:36 · answer #5 · answered by Jumpin' Catfish 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you do owe the "other" man an apology b/c that was unfair to him. However, you don't need to tell your s/o about a simple apology. But after you apologize, you need to leave it at that & not continue conversation. But I do feel that if you didn't apologize once before, you should @ least now. Whether he forgives you are not..Not your concern.
2007-08-20 06:35:46 · answer #6 · answered by Unique Soul 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No , it is NOT too late to apologize and wish this guy well. In the future, let this be a lesson to you, NEVER try to light both ends of the candle at the same time.
2007-08-20 06:36:28 · answer #7 · answered by WC 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it's not that you are a terrible person.
why are you beating yourself up?
apparently you made a bad choice, because your boyfriend was not meeting your needs (otherwise why would you have gone out with this military guy)?
you seem confused...
maybe you need space for yourself to figure out what you want from life, or need a break from ties to a committed relationship?
as for the myspace issue, why dig up old bones?
take care of YOU first.
2007-08-20 06:35:37 · answer #8 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
many human beings ask for forgiveness, in spite of in the event that they have achieved no longer something incorrect. there are circumstances like your telephone call, or once you ask for forgiveness to a individual who's kin member has died, or once you're apologising for doing some thing incorrect. the word rather has extra suitable than one meaning or utilization. one million. feeling remorseful approximately, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.: to be sorry to pass away one's acquaintances; to be sorry for a remark; to be sorry for somebody in subject. 2. regrettable or deplorable; unlucky; tragic: a sorry subject; to come back to a sorry end. 3. sorrowful, grieved, or unhappy: became she sorry whilst her brother died? 4. linked with sorrow; suggestive of grief or suffering; melancholy; dismal. 5. wretched, poor, ineffective, or pitiful: a sorry horse. 6. (used interjectionally as a accepted apology or expression of remorseful approximately): Sorry, you're misinformed. Did I bump you? Sorry. I dont think of that interior the area which you have on condition that we are rather "sorry" in that we are unhappy or aggrieved with regard to the area, extra like the final ingredient here the place this is in trouble-free terms a accepted apology or expression of remorseful approximately. we'd choose to in trouble-free terms nicely known that all of us understand that the respond won't please them, yet that we dont rather have that lots invested in it in my opinion.
2016-10-08 21:53:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
say sorry after you tell him first then email the other guy and just say sorry and you are glad he made it home OK. then drop the conversation with him
2007-08-20 06:34:51 · answer #10 · answered by sassy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋