2007-08-20 06:13:09 · 19 answers · asked by MUSIC <3 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Three women were sitting in a bar, (a brunette, red head, and a blonde) they were all pregnant.
The brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "well I was on top when I conceived so I will have a boy".
The red head said, "If that is true then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived.
The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
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Three women left separately after a very late night out drinking Guinness until the early hours. They met the next day for an early pint, and compared notes about who had been the most drunk.
The first gal claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home, walked into the house, and as soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks".
To which the second gal replied, "You think that was drunk? I got in my car, drove out of the parking lot, and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"
And the third proclaimed, "I was by far the most drunk. I got home, I go in a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over and burned the whole house down!"
They all looked at each other for a moment. Then the first gal says: "Ladies, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my dog."
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A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
2007-08-20 06:22:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes...
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker.
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is... and I didn't notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed!
I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!"
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"...
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
Then I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.
My grandson burst out laughing...why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
Grandma
2007-08-20 13:25:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
There were these two trouble-making boys,
They both had problems in school, and the teachers had tried everything. Time-outs, notes home, nothing worked.
So one day, The parents sent them to a jesus school, and the teachers had problems there. So they sent the boys to the priest. The priest asked one of the boys, son, do you know where god is? The boy just sat there. He asked the boy again, Son, Do you know where god is. The boy then ran home into his bed under his covers. The boy followed him and asked what happened, so the boy in the bed said: "God is missing, and they think we did it!"
ROFL!!!!
2007-08-20 13:21:04 · answer #3 · answered by Rachel of the Cats 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A woman walks into a Catholic church and says "Father, Father my husband stays in the pub all day and come home drunk. Can you scare him into stopping?"
That night the Father is hiding under a bridge that her husband crosses on his way home. When he sees the husband, drunk as usual he jumps out in-front of him and says "I am The Devil!"
The husband shakes his hand and says "Pleased to meet you, I married your sister,"
There are 3 boys in a classroom.
One called Zip who is climbing on the furniture.
One called Dick who is hiding in the cupboard.
One called Pee generally being a nuisance.
The teacher says "Zip down, Dick out, Pee in the corner!"
Man walks into a bar "OW!"
It was an iron bar.
2007-08-20 13:47:18 · answer #4 · answered by DH 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a virgin joke
there was a virgin girl that told her boy friend that he was invited to dinner to meet up her parent's and since that was a especial event after she wanted it to o and make love
so he goes to the pharmacist to get condoms and he tells the pharmacist that he has never had sex before so the pharmacist explains every thing about condoms and sex they were talking for an hour.so when the day came he goes and knocks and the girl opens and takes him to the dinner table were her parents were sited so when he gets there he puts hes head down and stars praying for dinner
5m past
10
finally after 20m his girls bends over and whispers i never knew you were this religious and the guys whispers back i never knew your dad was a pharmacist.
2007-08-20 13:31:55 · answer #5 · answered by l4cub4nit4 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
three girls had a test. the teacher asked the 1st girl: how many t's are in star wars. she answered: one. the teacher asked girl 2 the question. she also answered one. then teacher came to girl 3 and asked. girl 3 used a calculator and answered: 61. she proved her answer by singing the star wars song: ton ton ton...ton ton ton...ton...ton ton.....
2007-08-20 13:32:58 · answer #6 · answered by ? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you call a blond in the pool?
An air pocket!
Sorry, that's all that on the top of my head.
2007-08-20 13:26:58 · answer #7 · answered by Leff_NutZ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jack knows everybody . Always makes me laugh!
2007-08-20 13:16:39 · answer #8 · answered by Spiny Norman 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A child returns from school and says he got an F
in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father? "The teacher asked 'How
much is 2x3'? I said “6," replies BILLY. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the *******
difference? “asks the father. "That's what I said!
2007-08-20 13:27:08 · answer #9 · answered by NS 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Q.What did the customer say when the pizza baker told him, "I put my heart into that pie"?
Ans."Never mind your heart. How about some pepperoni?"
2007-08-20 13:21:34 · answer #10 · answered by Rishika 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋