4.5 years of relationship. Both mid 20's. We've been fighting a lot lately. Mostly because he picks fights or starts saying bad things about me, or saying that i don't care because of this or that (lies, by the way) and when i try to explain that it isn't like that he doesn't listen. Also, he's always making comments when he sees hot girls on tv or anywhere, being all sad 'cause he can't have what he wants. So, i was changing the channel of the tv and he told me to leave the channel where there were hot girls. I didn't. I left it on an rock video instead. He got mad and left. Later, he called me saying i had 5 minutes to apologize for controlling what he can and can't see, otherwise it would be the last 5 minutes that we talk, ever. I started telling him it was childish and i tried to reason with him. He said time was running out, that he was serious. I said that i have told him lots of times i don't like to be treated this way and i hung up. Haven't talked since.
2007-08-20 05:31:43 · 58 answers · asked by jade 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm fed up with apologizing for everything even when things aren't my fault alone, and his attitud of "i'll give you another chance" as if he's doing me a big favor. When we've been fighting because he picks fights. I felt like if i give in to this kind of pressure it will only make him treat me worse in the future. He says that i can't tell him what to do or whatever, which i don't, i just make objections when his things hurt my feelings or he isn't giving me my 'girlfriend status' place. Like i can't show i'm bothered by anything, but he says he does have the right to get mad about anything i do. It just doesn't seem fair to me... what do you think?
2007-08-20 05:35:40 · update #1
Well look at it this way...if he wants to look at other girls so badly right now, then when he gets tired of that then what is he going to do next? Possibly cheating. I'm not saying definitely, but it could be the next thing he'll do. Especially since it sounds like he isn't considering your feelings. Do yourself a favor and really evaluate your relationship with him. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who wants to look at other women. Knowing that you will never feel that he is truly happy and satisfied with you. You will begin to doubt yourself and it could possibly scar your self image. You do not want to be with someone that would do that to you!
2007-08-20 05:42:53 · answer #1 · answered by Snow 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems like somethings bothering him, which is causing him to take it out on you which is very unfair to you, since you don't know (and probably aren't the source of) whats' causing it.
After 4 & 1/2 years, I'd suggest that maybe you try to talk to him before you throw in the towel. If he can't open up and talk to you about this now, how worse will it get when you're married and he can't talk to you about things that are bothering him?
He may be scared because the two of you have been together for so long, and he's getting that panic-attack most guys get around that time; "Is this the person I want to be with?, Is this what I want with my life?, Am I missing something not being single?" Give him a little space to cool off, and then go talk to him when he's more level-headed.
If it seems like things aren't going anywhere, or aren't going to change, then it may be time for you two to go your seperate ways.
2007-08-20 05:40:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you both could use a break. Have you tried dating others to see if he is Mr. Right. He sounds controlling to me. I'm 41 and married for 25 years. I would never let my husband speak to me the way your boyfriend speaks to you. You are a person, free to speak your mind. If you treat him with respect he should do the same. Don't give in and keep saying I'm sorry if you haven't did anything wrong. Let him know that if it continues then you think it's best to date someone else. Just because you've been dating for years doesn't mean your meant to be. Good luck and stay on your feet, don't let any man knock you down.
2007-08-20 05:42:36 · answer #3 · answered by rena71857 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes! You did the right thing. If he's not only checking out girls (which is fine in some relationships), but he's talking about "something he can't have", he's not wanting to be in the relationship anymore. He might still love you, but doesn't want to be in it. If you look back at all the fighting and the hot girls, and little things you didn't put in, you can see that he was trying to get out of the relationship.
It's horrible after 4.5 years how it ended, but give him time and let himi see what he really wants, and you go do what you really want and see if you are still meant to be together, or if in the end, it was best for you to go your seperate ways.
My sister was with a man for 6 years, and she ignored all these signs, and 2 weeks before her wedding he cheated on her and she then left him. She wished that she would have listened to her gut sooner.
Sometimes your heart is telling you "You love him, you can't live without him, don't leave" and your brain and gut is telling you "you have to get out, you CAN live without him" and trust me honey, YOU CAN!
Just give him time to figureo ut what he wants, and focus on you for a while.
You made the right choice.
2007-08-20 05:37:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you did do the right thing. Kudos, girl. He seems like a control freak little boy who doesn't take you're feelings into consideration. You said it best "giving you a second chance like he was doing you a favor." What makes him so damn special he can't take your feelings into account and gives you ultimatums? He needs to grow up and you need to move on. I know that it's tough because you both have been in a relationship a decent amount of time - but don't waste any more of yours! There's plenty of guys out there who are amazing, who will treat you like you deserve. It takes a lot of strength to walk away. That's commendable.
You're someone deserving of respect and love.
I wish you the best
2007-08-20 05:43:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So are you saying you do not like his behavior? Then either leave him or stay with him and have more years of the same. You deserve someone who isn't selfish, controlling, and makes you feel as if it is all your fault, and he is by the things you wrote. He also does not care if he acts like a pig in front of you by ogling other women and telling you they are hot. Do yourself a big favor. Do not call him or you will end up apologizing for things that he did. When you feel weak and want to talk to him, look this question up and re-read everything.
2007-08-20 05:36:35 · answer #6 · answered by Sparkles 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Ok you are answering your own question. If you can't apologize any more and he keeps this up, stop giving in. Go your own way. Its amazing how much a couple changes in their 20's and you would be lucky if you grew together, but it doesn't always happen. I dated for 4 years before getting married at 22 and got divorced 4 years later. We were perfect match at first, started fighting year before marriage, and then his dreams and priorities did not match mine. I have never regretted breaking up and divorcing. Now 4 years later I am happily married with child. Amazing how much I have grown and changed in my 20's. Remember you are most important now. Also, why would he treat you that way if he loved you? Best to remember that if you love a person that much to treat them with respect. He's not doing that. Get away with a clean break now. Good luck
2007-08-20 05:41:50 · answer #7 · answered by #2 in the oven 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should dump him and move on there has to be someone better than him out there for you and it sounds like he didn't want to be in the relationship any longer anyway. Especially since it seems he's making excuses for fights. Don't call him, don't talk to him, let him come over to you. When he does and he's ready to listen tell him what you think and if he doesn't want to compromise on things break it off or it will get worse because he'll think he'll be able to walk all over you in the future.
2007-08-20 06:30:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHY ARE YOU EVEN GIVING IT A SECOND THOUGHT!!! RUN! Oh, I mean, if it's his house you're staying at. And if not, TELL HIM TO F***** PACK HIS BAGS AND SCAT!
Gee, I would have freaking beaten the crap out of that..that..I don't wanna get a warning from Y! Answers but you know what I mean!
You deserve a charming man who knows how to treat you. Not a butthole that doesn't even take you for a "good for now" thing. Sounds like he's mentally unbalanced. Whatever - do a runner and NEVER, and I mean NEVER LOOK BACK!
2007-08-20 05:46:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds very immature and unsure of what he wants in a relationship. If he is picking fights and saying bad things about you, he has no respect for you and you would be better off just walking away. Also, no one should issue you an ultimatum. If he's issuing them now over nonsense, it will only get worse. My advice would be to not talk to him again and find someone who respects you.
2007-08-20 05:39:56 · answer #10 · answered by smcbroomagain 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋