When I met my now boyfriend of almost 2 years he didn't travel for work (apparently before he did some). Recently he has starting going on a weeklong trip once a month. We have talked about this because I have an issue with him being gone for one week of the month. My main issue is that I didn't enter the relationship to have a part time boyfriend and I want a boyfriend that is home with me at night (we live together). He doesn't discuss his tentative trips with me (he can usually flex the dates) to see if it is workable (I have 2 sons that he helps get to school because I go in early in the morning). He just comes home and says " oh yeah, next week I have to go to where ever for the week". The other issue I have with it is that he never calls when he says he will. For example: he says he will call around 7 every night (gives him time to eat and whatnot) but hours later he hasn't called. He drives me nuts when he goes away. What do I do to make this better?
2007-08-20 05:21:25 · 5 answers · asked by Mommy in NY 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
FYI - he gives me excuses as to why he hasn't called.... having a beer with a male co-worker that went on the trip with him and they are hanging out....was gonna call later didnt think it was a big deal. A lot of time this male co-worker goes with him (I have met him once). It just seems that he is more concerned with impressing him then taking 2 seconds to call and just say he is going out and will call me later. Am I being irrational or what I can I do to make this so I dont get mad?
2007-08-20 05:24:29 · update #1
Based on your comment "you want a boyfriend who is with you every night", tells me, you might want to re-consider this relationship since you aren't willing to bend any. I don't think that's a part time relationship either. It could be worse, you could be with him for 2 years and NOT be living together. You do have him most of the month right? If your relationship is pretty much stable except for this issue, talk to him and find out if this is going to "always be?" It doesn't sound like it, if he use to travel then stopped and it's started again. It could just be the nature of his business.
If you "have" to have someone at your side every night, everyone involved is being hurt if you are so irritated including your children. Tell your boyfriend, it's hard enough on you getting use to his traveling, so if you were more understanding could he meet you in the middle by calling at night say at a time when the boys are down for the night, something like 9pm? Make it consistent that he call the same time. If he's on business, shouldn't he be back in his room by around 9 to 9:30 anyway? Since the "terms" of the relationship have changed and if you really love him and he treats you good other than this....it's time for compromising on both parts.
2007-08-20 05:51:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being a little irrational, for sure. I am not going to make excuses, because if you two have little ones you would think that he would wanna call and check on you and the kids, but you have to remember that guys think differently then girls do... as far as calling you, yes, sometimes they really do forget. It is hard though to tell you exactly if you are in the right or wrong because I didn't see it myself. But I do have a boyfriend that travels a lot as well, and sometimes they don't even get a notice when he has to go somewhere. Sometimes it is a couple days even if I am lucky. But you need to realize that this is his job, and how he makes the money to help support you and your kids. Just chill out a little and talk to him about it before doing anything impulsive that you may regret later. Besides, what is he like when he is home? Is he attentive to you and the kids? Or does he ignore you? Is this the only peeve you have with him, because it seems like there may be more to the scenerio than just his traveling.
2007-08-20 12:31:25 · answer #2 · answered by life_love_livin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have just explained that you have at best a conditional commitment and at worst a very one sided one. What are you doing together?
If that is really how you feel - part now before everyone gets hurt!!!
Your sound like a rehearsing opera singer "me, me, me ,me"!!!!
for a relationship to work it takes two to work together and it sounds like you only want what you want and do not want to contribute much.
Remember why you got together and all the fun and love - can you recapture that? Can you put your selfishness aside?
If the answer is yes - Then go for it and build a better relationship. If the answer is no - then break up before you all get hurt. Particularly your two boys!!!
Come on - you know you can do it - put aside your selfish needs and desires and get back to a loving and trusting relationship that can sustain each other and give your boys a wonderful loving environment to grow up in!!
2007-08-20 12:32:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have two choice: stay with him or leave him. As to "what to make this better" you would have to ask hiim, but if he is honest, it may be an answer you really don't want to hear.
He may be focused on his career and want to make a better life for all of you, or he may not be ready to be responsible for a ready-made family and the responsibilites it has turned out to be. The only way to know for sure is to ask him.
2007-08-20 12:28:59 · answer #4 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe he has a girl on the side?
2007-08-20 12:27:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋