Im at the end of my tether with my future in-laws, firstly my bridesmaid (fiance's sister) was asked not to get her hair cut as I needed it long for the style and accessories that I wanted for her hair and 4 days b4 the hair trial she gets most of her hair cut off and absolutely nothing could be done with her hair as it was too short, a waste of my time and money, she then makes a song and dance about havin to go herself and pick her shoes, I obviously im not going to know what is comfy and what isn't so I asked her to go on her lunch break and pick a pair and I would go and buy them, my fiance ended up hanging up on her cos he couldn't listen to her anymore and then to top it all off.....
2007-08-20 05:09:43 · 33 answers · asked by ✿Regina Felangie✿ 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
my brother in-law 2b gets my goat up....... we aren't having any children at the wedding except our own 2 and my niece, Phil's brother lands round last night and asks us if his 'new' girlfriend can come to the wedding, we said ok no problem and then he tells us she has a 2 yr old who wud have to come aswell, we were dumb struck and didn't know what to say and sort of mumbled 'ok' she lives in England and has already booked her flights so he took it for granted that she could come b4 asking us, this really p1ssed us off and Phil phoned his mum and explained that we didn't want any children etc.. at the wedding and how he put us on the spot by asking us and not really giving us any choice, his girlfriend (who we still havn't met) has now said she isn't coming over if her baby isn't coming to the wedding
What do we do, everyone else knows their children aren't invited and have no problem with it, we feel dead guilty about her not comin over now and dont know what to do
2007-08-20 05:13:56 · update #1
my sister in law was asked if she wouldn't mind keeping her long and she said that was ok and then all of a sudden decided to chop it all off after I had bought the accessoried for her hair
as for my brother in laws girlfriend, the child isn't his, we have never met them and we feel like he is taking liberties
there is no need for nasty comments from anyone, I havn't been horrible or made any demands
2007-08-20 05:21:03 · update #2
OH MY GOD.......Is no-one listening to me, she had long hair, we went and picked the accessory for her hair which cost me £60 and then 4 days b4 trial she gets it cut so short that no accessory can be put in her hair, I have no receipt so it cant be left back
I am NO bridezilla, far from it, I just cant have people taking liberties
this is my 3rd wedding as my first 2 dates were cancelled last year as my sister was in a terrible accident and can no longer walk so my wedding had to be postponed twice, people know how much **** I have gone through this past year and also know that I dont need anymore
2007-08-20 05:53:06 · update #3
We had a no children rule at our wedding , as it just makes numbers unreal.You will have to tell her straight or else you will have repercussions from other members of the party" why couldn't we bring ours but she brought hers?"
My close friends were cool with the no kids but an old friend came up to visit prior to the wedding, within 5 mins she was telling me how much her son adored me etc etc, i knew what she was going to ask but i let her sit on it for 3 hours before she finally spilled!then i just said if i allowed him to come would have to allow 40 others and its unreasonable
2007-08-20 05:19:27 · answer #1 · answered by madge 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sell the hair accessories on ebay. Offer a babysitter for the wedding/reception for the child (g/f of brother).
You are at a time in your life that is full of stress. Have your children in the wedding as planned. Ignore the sister-in-law complaining about the shoes or ask her to take them back and buy hard sole, uncomfortable stillettoes so that she will quit complaining.
Surely you knew how these people were since you have 2 kids with this man (unless they are from other relationships).
Keep the peace as much as you can so that you don't have to deal with the drama,but don't be ran over either.
I hope that your sister is doing better and that she will be able to be at the wedding or in the wedding of your dreams.
Don't let other people ruin your day. Some people just love to complain and you can't make everyone happy. Plan what you want and go with it. Good luck.
2007-08-20 06:28:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are getting all bent out of shape over little things. None of that stuff is important. Really, it isn't. Who cares if her hair is different than what you envisioned? It HER HAIR! That makes it HER CHOICE - not yours.
Let it all go and focus on the important things.
TRUST ME!
I just got married August 11th. All the girls pciked their own dress, their own hairstyle, etc. Everyone commented on how great it was to see the girls be themselves and how they were all comfortable in their clothes, hair, etc. Treat your bridesmaids as your friends. Consider their feelings and everything they have done for you - not just for the wedding, but in life. They are not the backdrop to your wedding. They are the people that you care about.
As for kids at the wedding... We didn't invite kids either, but somehow managed to have about 30 show up. Tey didn't ruin anything. THey didn't take away from the festivities... and the adults loved watching them play. Just don't decorate with baloons - that's where the trouble starts with kids.
Take a deep breath... choose your battles... and let these little things slide. No need making enemies over some vision of a dream wedding day. The relationships will last a lifetime if you don't turn into bridezilla.
2007-08-20 05:30:38 · answer #3 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear, you're having a tough time of things huh?
We all want the day to be perfect but there are some things that cannot be changed for example the haircut. Take a time out for yourself and go get a massage or a facial or something to help relax then speak to the people concerned in a manner that cannot be argued with. Brother in law needs to be told that you will not accommodate demands from a person that you haven't met. However you would be more than happy to meet the g/f and her child on a different day.
How important is the sister in law? Seems to me that she is making things difficult for you, you could suggest that if she prefers not to be a bridesmaid then you will ask someone esle to stand in, rather than make things difficult. Give her the option to realise that she is being unfair.
I hope it all goes well and your sister gets better
G
2007-08-21 11:30:43 · answer #4 · answered by gillie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your day, do whatever you want. You said that the girl with the baby was your BIL's new girl friend, right? Who cares if she's not there. Explain to her that you don't want any children there because they can start crying, yelling etc, and you want it as enjoyable for everyone as possible. Maybe you can find a place where you live that will keep her daughter for her during the wedding. Offer her a couple of numbers and tell her it would be a nice night for just her and her boyfriend to enjoy, she could pick up her daughter after the wedding.
As for your SIL's hair, that is a tough one. I can see why you wouldn't want her to cut it if you had a specific design for all your bridesmaids', however if she changes her hair a lot that should have been expected. If she cut it 4 days before the trial it sounds like she just did it to piss you off. I would stomp on this before you get married. My husband think's his sister is God and knows everything, we have been together for 5 years and she called me up and told me what she thought about me before she ever met me. My husband hasn't done anything about it, and now she treats me even worse. My husband has come to realise she's in the wrong but is too afraid to say anything to her. Take care of these issues now or I promise you they will only get worse. Good luck!
2007-08-20 05:23:00 · answer #5 · answered by sarah_aka_fey 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your future sister-in-law sounds like a right pain. The type of person who if you had chosen the shoes for, she would have complained they didnt fit. As for the hair, I think she's just doing this to try and ruin your big day. Don't let her see what she's doing is bugging you and make it clear that its your wedding and you are doing everything how you want it doing, whether she likes it or not, if she doesnt then find a new bridesmaid if she is the only one, or "fire" her and keep the other ones you already have.
Your brother -in-law had no right to invite his girlfriend who none of you have met to the wedding, let alone her kid. it would ruin your day if a child keeps screaming the whole way though the cermony, let alone the child of someone you don't even know and someone who wasn't even invited personally, it would be different being your own child, also, everyone else is fine with it so your not being totally unreasonable. Don't let him bully/indimidate you into inviting her and if he says either she goes or he doesnt then tell him not to bother coming, my guess is he'll come anyway and even if he doesnt, why would you want him there if he acts like this.
Whatever you do, don't feel guilty about wanting things your way, its your wedding and you'll only have this wedding once.
2007-08-20 05:26:03 · answer #6 · answered by Flobo 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Chill. It is your wedding, your day, and the person who is noticing this stuff is you. No one else is really going to care. I never saw matching hairdos on bridesmaids and I think it would look sort of strange. Shoes too. I couldn't tell you to save my life what shoes anyone wears anywhere, let alone weddings, where there are so many better things to look at.
The guy with the new girlfriend and the kid. You tell him what you told us. If they insist she and the kid come, forget that too. Kids aren't the problem at weddings, parents are. The way they handle the kid at the wedding makes all the difference. A 2 year old hardly eats anything, and if it is disruptive, it is up to the parent to do something.
2007-08-20 05:53:14 · answer #7 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First of all remember that it is your wedding! Its special for the two of you because you are getting married. You can't keep everyone happen and if the girlfriend won't come because of the little one then thats her problem. The fiance's sister is maybe trying to get some attention so don't let her bother you. Get her brother to get her to pay for the accessories that can't be used because of her. I had similar problems planning our wedding but on the day none of these things mattered!
2007-08-20 07:39:19 · answer #8 · answered by Fee G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay - concentrate on your wedding. It's going to be the hapiest day of your life, so hang on to that thought. Hang on to why you're going through this. You're marrying the guy of your dreams, not his entire family.
So if his sister has gone and done something stupid - well, take a deep breathe, and move on. Do not allow her to cast a shadow over your day.
Secondly - well, you've made up your mind about the children - you will offend people now if you change your mind. It's a pity you agreed to it and now regret doing so (did I get that right?). Just smile, and refuse to allow it to upset you. Really. If they want to be morons, let them. Do you care if they don't come to the wedding? (She sounds like a cow, by the way.) But he will feel bad if he doesn't come to the wedding and she seems to be able to pull strings.
Let them get on with it. Be above it all.
2007-08-20 07:30:21 · answer #9 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, tell your 2-b-sister- in- law that she is excused from being a bridesmaid now. Thank her for accepting, but tell her you reserved the right to choose the design of everything in the wedding so now that you know she is unable to go along with your bridal wishes you are dismissing her from bridesmaid's duty. Your proof of her respect of your wishes was when she choose to cut her hair. You are the bride. You should choose the accessories not her!!! Do not go with her to buy any shoes!!! Tell her apparently she didn't want to be in the wedding party very badly if she cut her hair knowing what your preference for hairstyles were and as the bride you choose what and who is in your wedding. It is truly not about her being her; it is about your wedding choices and she has made her choice. Tell her YOU want a uniform look...or a consistent look...for your attendants and can not tolerate disrespect of you wedding plans. This is your wedding and hopefully the only time you will go through this so you have a right to have the wedding the way you want to have it. Say these things very diplomatically without emotion! Remember to thank her for having agreed orginally to be a bridesmaid and tell her you are very sorry she had made her choices which countered your choices. Tell her you hope she enjoys the wedding. Do NOT change or let her change your mind. It still won't work out. She is too controling.
The child issue: I think, someone coming from a foreign country could or should be an exception. Tell them you would love to have them come to the reception, but because of the noise factor, unless there is a baby room at church, you have requested no children at the wedding and hope they understand. Tell them there is no disrespect intended, that you hope you can become good friends in the future and hope they understand that you want the wedding to be solemn and quiet.
It is your wedding enjoy it.
2007-08-20 05:40:51 · answer #10 · answered by ruthie 6 · 3⤊ 3⤋