should i go to work or stay home with kids?

Question

i am a doctor, and was really dedicated to my work when i lived over in the uk.
when i moved to the states i gave up my job to be with my son, and also my certifications were not accepeted over here so i would have to do a couple of years retraining.
then i was approached by another doctor who asked me to work with him with him supervising me so i would not have to retrain.
my husband was dead against it, but said if i really wanted to i could, now i find out im pregnant with another child - and now i really dont know what to do, i cant very well leave two kids with my mother in law, im really torn, and i know it should be an easy descision - anyone got any advice.
i have not told the doctor im pregnant yet as i dont want to completely cut off that avenue, but he is going to need a response in a few days.
i dont even know what advice i want - i guess i am just confused and a bit depressed, so any advice would be good

Answer 1

i had just decided to return to work as my lil one hd turned three, then found out i was expcting a baby and too went through the same turmoil, id just made my decision, justreached a point where returning to work was a step i was ready for and then suddely another baby decides to pop into the scene.
I found it really hard to get my head around and then sat down a lot to talk to my partner, i didnt want to be tied down again for another three years so we agreed i would have the baby and stayat home for a few months and then i could return to work at my leisure part time ad he would cut down part time aswell so lways one the parents would be the care providers or i could get hours to work round him.
Anyway as the pregnancy progressed (and progress it has 3 weeks left!!!) ive made that going back to work window a little further away from my mind. I stll intend to retur to work but i found that at a point in my pregnancy i bonded wit bump and work seemed a little unimportant considering i had a whole lifetime to return and no pressure which is a luxoury not all parents have.
Guess the advice is continue with the pregnancy and see how you feel about returning to work later, but like me you may of been hiding behind work as a mask of fear of being a parent all over again. I remember i mad such a big commotion about it whe infact i was so scared of what bringing a second child into the world meant,,, now of course hormones settled down a bit i wouldnt change the baby for the world and i am looking forward to welcoming another little addition in the coming weeks.
congratulations!!!! remember a career is always there to pick up on, the early years of your childrens childhood are quick and once gone are gone forever

Answer 2

You've got a lot to think about and very little time to do it.
1. You are a trained professional, devoted to your work and proud of it. You worked hard to get that training and expertise. You would not like to give it up for the rest of your life. Now a rare opportunity has fallen in your lap to continue, but ....
2. You're pregnant. Your mother-in-law will keep your other child if you work. So, why can't she keep this one, too? Is she infirm? Is she weak, feeble, over 80? One, two...what's the difference? If I had to get up 5 days a week to watch one grandchild, I would just as soon watch two. Pay the woman...pay her well. All of which leaves.....
3. Your husband, who is dead set against it. Why? Didn't he know you were a doctor when he met you? Did he think people who put themselves through all you go through to be a doctor do so just so they can give it up, later? Does he object to the children not having a parent at home? Does he object to the children being with a sitter? Well, maybe he could give up his career and stay home with the kids? Works for my daughter and her spouse...she is an exceptionally successful, highly sought after, highly paid oil and gas landman....he stays home and tends to the kids. You should be able to achieve the success and satisfaction of doing well what you were trained to do.

My advice? Go back to work. The nicest present my daughter ever gave me was a copy of a little book called My Mother Worked and I Turned Out Okay by Kathy Goldman.

Answer 3

A happy mom is a good mom!

If you miss working, which is sounds like you do, than you should go back to work. There is no need to discuss it with the other doctor yet. See how you feel working with him & if you even like the environment & being away from your son.

When the time comes to have this baby, take things in stride. Plan on taking maternity leave, and then while you are home with both children, make your decision then. You may decide to be a stay at home mom, or work full time, or work part time. The choice is entirely yours.

Just remember, that if your decision makes you miserable than you need to do something to change your situation. Children can tell when one of their parents is unhappy, and you don't want to end up resenting them or your husband.

Good luck!

Answer 4

What do YOU want to do? Not "do I have my husband's approval" or "can my mother in law handle it" Take that out of the equation.
When your second one comes along, do you think you will want to be at home full time? It's a personal choice. I stayed home after my 2nd because my heart wasn't in my career anymore. It was where I wanted to be. However, it sounds like you have been home awhile and are now looking for something more "adult" to stimulate your mind.
I would continue retraining with the Doctor. tell him you plan on working after the baby is born... even if at this point you are not sure.
After your baby is born, then you can decide. You might be too tired to do a full time job. Maybe you could find something part time. Or even do volunteer work in the evenings. That way your M-I-L doesn't have to watch 2 kids. Your husband can take the opportunity to bond with the kids.

Answer 5

Unfortunately, this isn't an "easy" decision to make. Personally, I think my kids deserve my guidance and my undivided attention, so I stay home with them, but on the other hand, keeping up your professional licenses means that you have something to fall back on when those kiddies go to school. If you can retrain or work under that doctor in 4 or 5 years when the kids go to school then I think your best bet is to stay home as long as you can afford it. If this is truly your only chance of keeping up with your career then see if you can do it part time until you're ready to go back full time. Good Luck!

Answer 6

You need to decide what matters more to you: the potential you have of changing the lives of people who will little note nor long remember you in a hospital or the lives of those little ones you've birthed into this world.

Although both carry the same risks, I believe that children hold the greatest putative reward. Even if they don't turn out like you hope, you will be able to monitor them and their progress more closely than anyone for whom you may care in a hospice. Your children are what you leave behind. Leave us all a good legacy, and don't surrender their care to someone else, even if it is a relative.

I envy you the honour you have to be blessed with children. When I die, all that I am dies with me.

Answer 7

You're going to get some extreme, and possibly mean, answers on here.
It really has to be your choice. There are pros and cons to both, and every woman is different. I personally think staying home w/ my children is what I want most in life, and it's the highest calling ever. But, I'm also glad to live in a world where it's my choice to do that, and i don't have to! So, weigh your own pros and cons, and live by your decision - it's all a matter of what's most important.

Answer 8

Well, I guess it depends. Do you need the extra income? If you do then go back to work but if you can live without it I'd say stay home with the kids. Kids need their parents, especially newborns and younger kids. Good luck

Answer 9

you're a doctor.
missing such a chance is a big mistake.
work won't be that thing that would take you away from your children and husband.
you can easily find a good nursery for two kids
and then manage your life in a good way that won't let you regret
never think of staying home with no work, that is gonna make you feel tired physically and psychologically.
take my advice......

Answer 10

if you can afford to stay home with the kids i would....but i understand your need to get out a have a job and a grown up life. maybe you could work untilt he baby is born...or work part time. or fill in when someone out.