Is this wrong of me?

Question

My fiance died 2 months ago,and this guy has come into my life.I like him,he makes me laugh,smile,he respects me and everything,he was a virgin,he's 20 years old,I'm 18-19 in 1 week.I took his virginity,was it wrong of me to do this,at the time I did it I was feeling vounerable and I was feeling wanted and needed.He keeps telling me he loves me and wants to marry me,he did before I took his virginity,but he says it more now than he ever did.I need advice please?

Answer 1

Maybe you just did that because you were in pain, and that was your way of expressing it. Either way, I think you need to let yourself mourn the death of your fiancee, and give yourself some time before you get back into another relationship. You need some time to let yourself heal. This new guy sounds super-clingy and needy, and you can't provide all the time and attention he's looking for right now, because you need to focus that time and attention on yourself.

Answer 2

He probably does love you. You probably only like him. Maybe it was wrong, but the point is it's done. Many people want to save sex for that one special person. Perhaps he felt that was you. Here's something you don't want to do. Don't marry him because of guilt. Unless you raped him (which I doubt happened) he still made a choice to sleep with you. It might tear him up and you'll feel bad for what you did, but the worse thing to do is marry a guy you don't truly love.

Now maybe in the future you will fall in love, and maybe not. Point is talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Tell him what you were feeling when you guys slept together (i.e. vulnerbilty, feeling needed, ect.) Let him know where you guys stand. Don't lead him on, but keep the door open. Realize that right now you're not in a posistion to really be in a relationship. When someone you love is taken from you then you'll start haveing all sorts of different feelings and it's the worst time in your life to make major decisions. Wait until it's 6 months after your fiance died and then take the next 6 months slow. After that you'll be thinking more clearly.

While you're waiting though just make sure he always knows where you guys are. Even if you do have a physical relationship make sure he understands you're not making any committments.

I don't doubt your love for your fiance. These are common feelings after you've lost a loved one.

Answer 3

I'm sorry about your fiance. Like you said you were vurnerable then. You probably didn't mean to sleep with him. Talk it through and make yourself clear. If you were deeply involved with your ex then let time heal the wounds first, don't make it look as if you're using him to get over your fiance's death. If he regarded his virginity sacred say sorry that you took it and explain how you really feel. Do not enter a relationship if you're not ready to commit truly. You are still young, a whole world is waiting for you so just enjoy what life brings and cherish every moment..

Answer 4

I think that you are just a little scared of being loving someone at this point. Losing a fiance can be very trumatic. I am sure that you loved him. I also think that you love this new guy. I can tell from the way you talk about him and the fact that you are concerned about what you did. You should talk to this guy about how you feel though. Tell him that you are not ready to think about marrying someone else so soon after your last fiance died. Be sure that you reasure him that you do care about him while you're at it. I think that he loves you and will understand where you are coming from.

Answer 5

It was the choice you both made. It wasn't your fault.
It's better to wait it out and see if you can handle his whole being-- his personality, habits and problems. If you can bend and he can too, then, go for it. Marriage is a vow. If you truly believe, and you can see yourself 50 years from now with the same man marry him. However, it's not a crime to wait. Enjoy life. This doesn't mean you have to be single. Take him with you. Explore the wonders this life presents before settling down and reproducing.

Answer 6

that is very confusing. I'd say that's a very normal thing people do when they lost a mate they really love. I'd think it was a little too soon after 2 months he died to do that but if you felt like you was wanted and needed, its common. I just hope you won't ever forget the love you had with your fiance'.

Answer 7

well if you really like him then stay with him explain your not ready for a marriage commitment yet since your other fiance just passed on. if he cant handle that and stick around for awhile while you recover then you dont need him anyhow as far the virginity thing most guys could care less who took their virginity but he will hound you forever now because he is now addicted to the poon

Answer 8

I'm sorry about your loss. You didn't "take" anything. He wanted to do it, you wanted to do it, and you both did it. I think you're a little young to be thinking of marriage. I also think you probably should have waited to get into a serious relationship for longer than you did after your fiance's death, because I would think you're in a particularly vulnerable state right now. My advice to you is to take it slower.

Answer 9

Sorry about your loss-But its good you have found someone also, it really helps the healing process. Im sure if you took his virginity then im sure he really Loves ya now! He probably now looks up to you and im sure he wants more where that came from-So go with your heart and be honest with him on how you feel. Good Luck

Answer 10

Well if you do not really care about this guy and you took his virginity then yes it is a wrong to use him and now since you took his virginity he will be even more clingy. You need to sit him down and talk to him and explain how you feel...