Can guys date a girl once they've already been friends?

Question

This is to get a greater view of things. I have an ongoing 'debate' with a friend of mine.

He says that once a man establishes a friendship with a woman that there is no way she would ever consider dating him. (it would be like dating your brother or she wouldn't want to "ruin the friendship")

I on the other hand believe that if she is interested in the him, she wouldn't hesitate in dating the guy. That if she pulls the "don't want to ruin the friendship" it's a nice way of saying I like you but not in THAT way

What are your views? Can a man and a woman go from friends to a couple or no way? Have you do this? Did it work out?

Come on who is right? Him or me? LOL :P

Answer 1

My spouse and I did. I knew him for two years and considered him like a brother... A very attractive brother!

Then he confessed to me that he had loved me from the moment he lay eyes on me, when I had been unavailable. Now that I was, could there be a chance? I initially said no, as I was not ready for a relationship, but he remained a true friend and never pressured me. Once I let myself be open again, we went out a few times and BANG! The sparks were there, the fire was there, the passion was there... We have been married two and a half years and I still get chills when I look at him. : )

.

Answer 2

You're both right, but in saying that no one is the same. Some people are able to do it, and some aren't. I agree with you saying that when someone says they don't want to "ruin the friendship" it's a nice way of saying you don't like them like that. I have dated a few friends in the past, but it never worked out. Simply because, once you get to know someone as a friend, 9 times out of 10, they're a different person in a relationship than they are as a friend. Once you make that transition, they no longer consider you a friend, but a boyfriend/girlfriend. They're a different person, and sometimes not for the better. I think you got it right though. I would have to say you're the one that's on the right track.

Answer 3

Yes, of course they can. It's happened to me. I ended up dating a girl who had been my best friend for half a year before that.

But I can't tell you what a woman can or cannot think about it. If the person you're talking with is a guy, then he's clueless because he really can't know. Maybe he's basing it on what some girl told him, and I bet she was using it as an excuse for how she let a guy down easy (either him or someone else). Who ever told him that was blowing smoke up his butt and he was silly enough to believe there had been a real spark there.

Chemistry is chemistry. Hydrogen and Oxygen will always react with each other given the right circumstances, and so will two people, even if there are other things keeping them apart at present.

To believe that a women puts a man in one category forever is to forget that a woman can change her mind.... the ancient and eternal "Woman's Prerogative".

Answer 4

I think "anyone" hit the nail on the head on this one. I couldn't bring myself to take a friend to be a girlfriend, no matter how sweet and beautiful and charming she is. And some of my friends are pretty darn amazing ~shakes fist at stupid principles~ But the fact is that I'm not the same person to a girl I date as I am to a girl I'm friends with. It's not that I lie, but there is a big difference between the truth and the whole truth.

Usually, it is the lover who knows less about me because we spend less time getting to know each other. I think I may be losing my train of thought here, but essentially, there are things about me that I have never shared with any of my lovers. There are also things about me that I have never shared with any of my friends.

I know why I do it. I do it because I behave in such a way that I attract the right kind of person. There are certain qualities that I would never want in a lover, and there are certain qualities I'd never want in a friend. There isn't much correspondence between the two lists.

I could almost say that the fact that I'm able to be good friends with a girl means that I wouldn't like her as a girlfriend. Whereas, the girls I'd want as my girlfriends would make for rather crummy friends, at least based on what I look for.

Answer 5

A lot of girls even if they like you will pull the "I don't want to ruin the friendship" card if you are good friends with you. Most girls though will go with it if you make a move and they like you enough even if you are friends.

Some of the best relationships I've seen come out of being friends with the person first. Because you can kind of tell what they are like and if you really like them before you start dating. The only drawback is the getting to know you stage because you already know each other!

So, can friends date? Yes definitely. Some girls will not want to ruin the friendship but if they like you enough it is very possible it will turn into a relationship.

Answer 6

The man that I currently love was someone that I got to know for almost three months before we became lovers. I felt he was my best friend, but I also felt extremely sexually attracted to him from the beginning. There was always that sexual play but I also viewed him (and still do) as my best friend.

I think that having a good friendship, if it is one of only a couple that she has, could be more important to a woman than romantic love. In the case that you are speaking of, it could also be a brush off. But then I don't know all the details. None of us really do. We just have one angle.

I think you are right though. If they are friends who in the course of the friendship become attracted to one another, that can often make for the very best relationship.

Mine? I hope it does work out eventually. But then there is more than this involved.

Answer 7

Every one of the guys I've dated, with the exception of two, started out as good friends. I don't know why, but I always become friends with guys I'm interested in first to see if I like them as people. Only when I can no longer contain my ulterior motives will I tell them I'm interested in them. The guy I'm with now was my friend for over a year, and I never even thought I stood a chance with him. Turns out he felt the same way about me all along, but was too scared to say something because he thought I didn't.

Answer 8

Yes, they can date and it can turn into a very strong relationship.

There are also times where the friendship is ruined because the relationship fails. The thing is that if one of them wants to become more than friends, the friendship is probably doomed anyway.

Answer 9

IMHO it can happen either way. I've had the same debate with the same friend and it makes me wonder (sigh! Can we talk here?) if maybe there is a part of his personality that he shows to friends that he doesn't want to show to a lover. In my life, I've had female friends who became my girlfriends and--more rarely--ex-girlfriends who were still my friends after we broke it off.
I think I would like to believe that a woman could get to know me and that her love for me would grow out of, um, getting to know who I am. What I don't understand is how people go from being strangers to being lovers.
I might be naive.

Answer 10

Absolutely! I married my best friend. I also dated my best friend from high school for many years too.

I know many women who have started out as friends with a man, then go on to date them and eventually marry them.

If you are best friends first, then you can tolerate each others faults and have more in common.
Love will not last without friendship.