friends have told me that my ex boyfriend (my baby's dad) has been going out with young females who are in grade 10/11, he turned 30 years old in april. I am 22 years old in my second trimester. I have told people that I don't need to know what he does specially that I am pregnant, it hurts alot...I have been tryen to keep strong and not think about it but its hard...I feel so unattractive when ppl tell me stuff and just feel so fat and huge. I was the only one working when we lived together came to a point were I had to work 2 jobs because he wasnt happy with my hrs, complained about barely spending time with me, I quite my job in the endhe would get mad if I joked about him cheating & hung out with his friend to cruise or go on his own barely wanted to hang out w/me. sum1 told me they saw a vid on a girls cell her going down on him and him going down on her while me and him were still together he didnt tell her that he was in a relationship and has a lil one on the way. HELP!!!!!!!!!
2007-08-20 04:18:17 · 5 answers · asked by shorty_ma 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need to ignore what they say...only time will heal your hurt, but you have to be strong NOW, especially for your unborn child.
Thank goodness that the father is out of the picture before the baby was born, because it seems like this relationship does nothing but hurt and tire you.
Rebuild your life, go to counseling for awhile, and ignore what your "friends" say...In fact, you may want to get new friends as well...Surround yourself with people that will build you up.
You seem like an amazing person....dont let the trials in your life destroy who you are. Stay strong.
2007-08-20 04:25:29 · answer #1 · answered by Marie Catherine 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are having a hard time accepting the reality of the situation that he has been playing you because you are pregnant with his child and want a fairy tale that is going to end up in a nightmare.
If people are coming to you and telling you these things, it is because what he is doing is so blatant that they cannot believe you put up with him and his cheating.
If he were a real man, ready to be a Daddy, he would be supporting you, not vice-versa. Get some self-esteem and leave this loser. You are not going to be pregnant forever and can find a better role model for your child; you really owe it to you baby to do better for them and yourself.
As he is the baby-daddy, he will have to get a job and pay child support, which will cramp his style and force him to grow up or go to jail for non-support of a dependent. He may even come crawling back once you are independent and he has to be responsible; hopefully, at that point, you will be strong enough emotionally to kick his a$$ to the curb!
2007-08-20 04:40:50 · answer #2 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shorty,
On him - sounds like your standard issue selfish male (alas) there seems to be no shortage of those who want to dominate a woman, rather than treat her like one. Having said that, no guy is too keen when you "....joked about him cheating & hung out with his friend to cruise or go on his own barely wanted to hang out w/me.", sorry but that wouldn have rubbed him the wrong way.
But beyond all of that if he is the dad,
-NOW is the time he has to show himself as a real man,
- NOW is the time he has to wake up accept responsiblity,
- NOW is the time he has to bury petty differences and stand by you (even just as `friends` for bubbies sake)
- NOW is the time for him to plan out WHAT part of HIS child's upbringing he will shoulder.
All of the "I'm not up to it" and "I'm not much a father figure" is cr@p. He IS a father - FACT - and he does need to shoulder this.
On `advise` from others -
Having gone through this with my wife several times, for some reason (never could figure it out), 99% of people feel duty-bound to always give you bad advise, critisism or a horror story whe you are pregnant. They think they are being helpful, but most of it is just plain stupid to say.
Before they open their mouth or just after the "OOH, you're pregnant,",you have to prepare in your own mind that there's a good chance that they will (i.) make you feel fat/ugly/depressed because you are not gliding through prenancy glowing with womanhood (ii.) give a whole lot of cr@p advise (iii.) tell you some story about "Lisa who used to work with her and ....(insert tradegy here)", OR (iv.) like you said, say "Oh, I saw your ex who was .....(insert disturbing or disgusting incident here)". Then when they do you can have a glib sense of satisfaction in your mind to say to yourself "Thanks dip-sh1t, that really DIDN'T help".
Also, you have a bunch of hormones going NUTS in you, that WILL make you feel less of a woman. Not helped by beauty mags and `motherhood` mags with air-brushed pictures of celebs sporting a well-proportioned bump. These are designed by people who want to make you feel like cr@p, and want you to buy their revolutionary stretch mark cream, skin care lotion, breast-pump (as used by Madonna or on the Space Shuttle) or low-cal choc bar.
Good luck with bubbs!
2007-08-20 05:18:37 · answer #3 · answered by brad m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very unstable relationship, its certainly not a fair relationship. Its all one sided (his side). Make a better life for you and your child. People should not be coming up to yo and telling you these kind of things
2007-08-20 04:34:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
they are telling you this because you listen .... make it clear - no screaming involved, please - that you don't need to hear about your ex because it hurts you emotionally - that they think you care, when actually you don't - and that you need to feel good for the fetus to grow healthy
2007-08-20 04:32:34 · answer #5 · answered by n n 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋